SAHM’s who used to work - what salary did you leave behind?

[Anonymous]

I was making about $150k but we had moved twice in four years and my kids were entering MS. The stress was awful. My husband said don’t worry about money, we will be fine….and we were.

[Anonymous]

Not a SAHM but another lawyer. I left BigLaw before having kids, and at times wondered if i had made a mistake. I missed the rigor of my practice (versus in house) and candidly, the respect with which clients treat their external attorneys. Also missed the prestige and paycheck, won’t lie.

It took one of my children having a serious health issue last year to snap me out of that craziness. BigLaw and parenthood really do not mix well together.

You can’t have it all. It’s so true. Now that I have accepted it, life is that much easier.

[Anonymous]

90k, maybe a little more by the end of my first career.
Then SAHM.
Since then my kids are in school, I’ve done admin, contracting, and now I’m in low paying part time jobs for the flexibility.

Not part of your question but “where are they now” kind of answer.

DH makes 200k now, and I make little. We did not nearly make this much when I left. Quite poor for a handful of years, but that’s what I chose. My kids loved all the years I was close with them all the time.

[Anonymous]

I am making 290K and thinking about retiring to SAH as kids are still young and in elementary. DH makes 200 but his income will likely go up while mine will likely go down. I might get a PT job to get out of the house.

[Anonymous]

300k a decade ago. No regrets about the money. DH went from 500k to $3m. I was able to focus on our kids 100% and DH was able to concentrate on work and not have to deal with sick days, drop offs, half days, etc.

[Anonymous]

Can I chime in? I left to be a “SAHM” when my kids were 16 & 19 at age 47 (exactly 1yr ago). last W2 was 412k. My kids are really fun to hang out with now and do their own laundry and even often cook me dinner. Sad my 20yr old goes back to college this weekend, I won’t get to play SAHM with him until spring break. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

$75 K in 2008

[Anonymous]

I was making $150k 8 years ago at a stressful job where I was underpaid. My boss only offered me a lot more money when I resigned… kids were 2; 6 and 9. My husband was able to get into work earlier without daycare drop offs and travel and started making over $1m a year so we were able to save a lot of money and I enjoy summers now.

[Anonymous]

Everyone responding that their DH / spouse makes $1M+ - what do they do?

I’m assuming most are big law partners (for DC area PPs at least). Or maybe other partner-level roles like Deloitte GPS PPMD. I know some doctors can hit $1M+ but it’s rare and getting rarer with PE all over medicine now.

[Anonymous]

New poster considering leaving work. I make $150k but spouse is a big law partner at mid 7 figs. I do love my job tho so we'll see.

[Anonymous]

350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, the proportion of posters who say biglaw is out of wack. Why is that?

Because being a big law lawyer in DC kind of sucks. Most everyone I know hates or hated it. It's a grind, and for many people, it's not sustainable for any sort of work-life balance.

+1 and some of the posters, like me, are older. 20+ years ago when tech was not as advanced and remote work was what you did from an airplane on paper while traveling out of town to see a client in person. Investing in newly emerging tech (cell phones, lap tops, broadband) was very expensive, and law was slow to adopt.

Before I had kids, what I saw and learned from partners who were parents was not good. They delegated everything related to their lives outside of work, and in attempts to get home, sometimes delegated even more to the people who worked under them, making those lawyers lives even more miserable as you waited in the office for the partner to call in after the kids were in bed. Several only ever talked to thier kids by phone before bedtime. Partners had drivers for them and their kids, chefs, three shifts of nannies, housekeepers, and cleaners. Most ended up divorced. Everyone drank too much. I attended a few funerals where the eulogies from the adult children of these parents gutted me.

Many associates left when they became parents. The year after I left, the firm instituted a committee to explore ways to keep parents and a program to keep those who left engaged in the hopes that they'd come back some day.

As in, they said they felt neglected?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:300k a decade ago. No regrets about the money. DH went from 500k to $3m. I was able to focus on our kids 100% and DH was able to concentrate on work and not have to deal with sick days, drop offs, half days, etc.

Do you have full access to the money he makes? I want to quit, but I am too afraid I'll get shut out and end up with nothing of my own. I guess I don't want to give up control over money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone responding that their DH / spouse makes $1M+ - what do they do?

I’m assuming most are big law partners (for DC area PPs at least). Or maybe other partner-level roles like Deloitte GPS PPMD. I know some doctors can hit $1M+ but it’s rare and getting rarer with PE all over medicine now.

CPA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:350k stressful job 5 years ago. Spouse makes 180k and recently I get worried about the economy but not worried enough to try to get a paying job. I love my freedom and time.

I am a recent SAHM, not by choice. But it has been freeing and I don’t know if I want to go back. I was making $150k. DH makes double that.
Can you share more about the freedom and time? I so enjoy the time I have and DH fully supports staying home, but I feel very guilty having so much free time when he works so much (and partly at home).