Parents out of money at 75

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

If you can't pay her back because you don't have the resources, it doesn't change who you are. If you are able and don't, that's a different story.

I can always find more jobs. Where there's a will, there's a way. Even with all three of my jobs, I still make less than $100k.

It sounds like you don't have the money to help your mother in this way without endangering your own retirement.

"Where there's a will there's a way" also applies to your mom. There's no shame in finding her a place she can live in on her means.

Also, this sounds very different than the OP, whose parents are not careful with their money and are possibly past the point of being able to manage it themselves.

It sounds like your mom is poor through no fault of her own because she worked her butt off as a single mom to care for you and your sibling.

She isn't poor. She bought and paid for her own home as a single parent. I am so shocked that people don't understand that the majority of retired people live off SS alone. Nothing else. Also, I'm no endangering my own retirement by helping her financially. I'm a teacher. I have a pension and a 403b. If I need more money, I take on an extra job. I've always done that because as a single parent with a kid in college, the tuition keeps going up more than my raises.

[Anonymous]

Sell the house. Look for senior apt that they take max 1/3 of your income ( all utilities included). The wait time maybe 3 or 4 years.

[Anonymous]

At least they have a paid off house and can manage their other expenses. You might want to just assume you (and any siblings) will maintain this house until they need care. They are relatively young and even $2k a month in rent will be gone in less than 15 years. Do either of them have longevity in their family? I assume you don't want them living with you at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just give them the money. Pay it directly to the company.

+2 FFS

If you can afford it and they were/are good to you and your husband

If there are other siblings involved I suspect they mean they want to ensure they get "paid back for their co tribulations to the house" before the rest of estate is paid out. And that is a fair thing.

If one sibling is paying for everything they are entitled to being paid back from the estate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

They will likely NOt qualify for a CCRC if they have no savings and only $350K in the house. My own parents were worth $800K once house sold and I still had to pay the 450k entry fee for them to qualify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives entirely on SS. I thought that was pretty much par for the course. She owns her townhome.

I'd pay for a new roof if she needed one. I don't have much money but she raised me entirely by herself. If I can't pay her back, what kind of child am I?

She chose to have you, you didn’t choose to be born. Wealth should flow downwards not upwards. Children shouldn’t owe their parents anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned it already - a reverse mortgage. It is a real and effective tool designed specifically for people like your in laws. It is called HECM, US government backed reverse mortgage. Given their age they should be able to get about 50% of their house value as a loan. They will not be required to pay either interest or principal on the loan as long as they occupy the house. But the principal and accumulated interested would become due the moment they leave the house. If they die and you inherit the house you would have to repay the loan or turn the house over to the bank. Worst case financial scenario for you just don’t get the house.

Nope--you sell the house and move them into a cheap 1 bedroom apt/condo with low fees. They don't get to choose/complain as they ran out of $$$ at only 70/
S

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

This is the answer. I know several friends that have done this and were able to afford their lives.

They are not qualifying for a CcRC, at least not once where "no price increases for advanced care".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern would be that no matter how the 20k is paid, this is only the beginning of huge expenses coming your IL’s way.

Do they have any assets to sell like an extra car? Anything that would bring in some liquid?

This is a wake up call, OP - I really think they need to sell current home and downsize immediately- they can’t sustain their current lifestyle.

I think I’d list their house AS-IS and sell through a We Buy Any House type service. Get some cash and go from there.

Where in the world do people think they can live cheaper than in a paid off house?

They’re only going to live another ten years- sell the $750k house - surely there’s somewhere they can afford on $75k a year.

OP says it’s worth $300k. And what if they live longer. Then who pays.

SS. At 85 they wont' need much.

Look, why should the kids shell out cash now—if they're going to inherit the house anyway, sell the house and tighten the belt.

Where did OP say they were 85?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would sell the house and get them into a continuous care community near you, take the left-over money and put it in the bank/whatever a financial planner recommends.

Use the extra money for fun trips and save some for care when they are too told to care for themselves.

We did this for my mom and it was the best thing we did. Friends, no house to care for, activities, easily affordable.

Too young for CCRC. It's also very expensive. They won't be able to afford the buy in or monthly fees.

. 75 is not too young. You have to get into a CcRC while still healthy. They don't take you if your time in independent living is limited

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They won't be able to manage going forward. There will be other repairs, other things, other issues. They do not have enough money to live on.
Sell their house.
You can use the money to have them move in with you or buy a new place that affords everyone's privacy if your house isn't accommodating for that - and if it's not, go the new house route.
No, you aren't going to bill them. That makes little sense, and their house doesn't have enough equity to continue this sort of transaction going forward because there will be more issues.

If they are employable, they can get part time jobs. Other than that, no, you have to cover this bill and make arrangements for the future. Sorry, OP. It is what it is.

+1
Agree with this. You may have to buy a new house in a cheaper place with extra rooms to accommodate everyone. Sorry OP, what a mess.

Or you help with rent on a tiny 1 bedroom ideally near you so you can help out. I'd much rather put $1500 towards rent than have them live with me. Also your parents likely can afford it on their as. They have to adjust their finances and tighten the belt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most older people live on SS. There were pensions back in the day in some industries but not all. 401ks didn't really show up until the 80s or so.

This. This forum is so detached from reality I even have to be away from here for a few days. Most Americans who are retired today or who will retire soon will have SS as their primary income retirement.

So many of us have so much money we forget that a lot of Americans are in dead end jobs with low pay. Even some jobs who are not dead ends pay very low wages.

Many of us have benefited from very high paying jobs just because we have a college degree.

my parents are In their 80s, never made more than $45-50k per year combined don't have a pension and managed to save. Because they worked side jobs for extra and lived well below their means. They planned for supporting themselves in retirement and did a good job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern would be that no matter how the 20k is paid, this is only the beginning of huge expenses coming your IL’s way.

Do they have any assets to sell like an extra car? Anything that would bring in some liquid?

This is a wake up call, OP - I really think they need to sell current home and downsize immediately- they can’t sustain their current lifestyle.

I think I’d list their house AS-IS and sell through a We Buy Any House type service. Get some cash and go from there.

Where in the world do people think they can live cheaper than in a paid off house?

In a 500 sq ft paid off condo or renting a similar apartment. So no outside maintenance to worry about and likely 1k-2k smaller than the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF is wrong with people? You give the money and leave it alone. SS sounds like it's enough for them. They can also receive Meals on Wheels deliveries.

No you have them downsize to a small condo that they can easily afford on as alone. Then save the housing proceeds. The house is likely to become a money pit as it ages and they delay maintenance.

Then you give money as needed but not to support a large house as they age

[Anonymous]

For me it would depend on the age and shape of the house. There are a lot of benefits to them staying in place including maintaining their level of emotional stability. Moves for the elderly can unleash cognitive decline. I would fund the repairs and document for the estate and discuss with siblings. Bigger issue is what happens if they need memory care or nursing care down the line. You can sell the house to fund at first and then go in Medicaid but you will be out your loaned $. Which is why reverse mortgage might be better.

I would pay for a consult with an elder law attorney in your state and get their take.