Anyone feel like DC just isnt ideal for kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am someone who sometimes really dislikes parenting culture in DC (I live in DC "proper" though we interact with both families in DC (mostly public schools) and in the burbs (public and private).

By and large I do feel kids here are over programmed from a young age. There is a weird focus on getting kids in specialized activities before they hit middle elementary. It also feels like families are very go go go-- a different event or experience every weekend or even both days, multiple activities a week, plus tons of travel. People mostly seem to enjoy this but it seems intense to me and we do a lot less because we like having downtime.

It also feels like schools and education are a major source of stress here. It feels like people move around schools a lot. In DC the lottery is a big part of this though there's also movement to private. Also just a lot of discussion of which schools are best. Again, it mostly just feels intense to me. Many people seem happy about their schools or school choices even as they move around, but the amount of focus and discussion feels intense to me. I think I'm naturally more laissez faire about schools unless something really egregious is going on-- I care about education but attended mediocre public schools and did great in college and life because I'm naturally pretty academic, not because my K-12 experience was optimized for me.

But I'm really not sure this is different elsewhere? That's where I get hung up. We are contemplating a move to a smaller city and in theory it's less intense than DC. But when we talk to friends there it doesn't seem THAT different. I think what people sometimes ascribe to DC is just what UMC parenting is now. We still might move for cost of living reasons (which could really benefit our kids-- more money for college, real in state options, a bigger yard and just less financial pressure generally) but none of that is the stuff day to day that bugs me about the culture of families and parenting here.

I just increasingly think we as broader society have made parenting way harder than it needs to be for no good reason, but that DC itself is not the problem. Maybe a higher concentration of "high achievers" than elsewhere makes it worse by degrees? I don't know, there are travel sports and debates about advanced math everywhere.

Yep this is constantly my hang up. My spouse and I want to live in or near a city with access to culture, job opportunities, and a diverse population. I think that pretty much means we're going to be in an UMC environment wherever we go, and as far as I can tell, this is just par for the course. It might look a little different in DC than elsewhere, but the pressure is the same.

Truthfully, your earlier point about people traveling and scheduling a lot of family activities on weekends is what I see as a plus for raising my kids in DC - kids here are being exposed to the bigger world, and things like extracurriculars are placed within that context. I feel like my family in other UMC areas are all-consumed by the local sports leagues, travel swim teams, etc. The pressure is still there, it just looks a little different.

So I try not to fall into the trap of thinking I could just move away from all of this. Modern parenting is hard and DC parents are not unique in feeling like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in DC proper and luckily I don’t know many people in real life who think and act the way people on DCUM do. DCUM is a weird place.

Same 😅

[Anonymous]

Lake effect snow op.

[Anonymous]

We lived in DC for 15 years and now live in a Midwest capital city (suburb just outside). I think we did well by establishing a really solid network of very high achievers for 15 years. I 10x'ed my salary (31.5k as entry level at DC think tank now 300k+).

I do think DC played a huge role in the power of my network (that I would tap into for new job search) and my ability to move my career in ways I did in my 20s and 30s.

Now we live here and I'm in my 40s with three kids and I kind of want to coast here in ways I don't think I could have coasted in DC.

The best of both worlds, and maybe we will go back when our fam dynamic changes again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is the average tenure of a job is 3-5 years. You need to be in a good job market to keep employed.

Law, medicine, education are pretty easy to stay employed in if you don't do something stupid like embezzle, kill someone, or molest someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We lived in DC for 15 years and now live in a Midwest capital city (suburb just outside). I think we did well by establishing a really solid network of very high achievers for 15 years. I 10x'ed my salary (31.5k as entry level at DC think tank now 300k+).

I do think DC played a huge role in the power of my network (that I would tap into for new job search) and my ability to move my career in ways I did in my 20s and 30s.

Now we live here and I'm in my 40s with three kids and I kind of want to coast here in ways I don't think I could have coasted in DC.

The best of both worlds, and maybe we will go back when our fam dynamic changes again.

NP- but how do you feel it is raising kids in Midwest vs DC? Do you feel it’s as competitive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in DC for 15 years and now live in a Midwest capital city (suburb just outside). I think we did well by establishing a really solid network of very high achievers for 15 years. I 10x'ed my salary (31.5k as entry level at DC think tank now 300k+).

I do think DC played a huge role in the power of my network (that I would tap into for new job search) and my ability to move my career in ways I did in my 20s and 30s.

Now we live here and I'm in my 40s with three kids and I kind of want to coast here in ways I don't think I could have coasted in DC.

The best of both worlds, and maybe we will go back when our fam dynamic changes again.

NP- but how do you feel it is raising kids in Midwest vs DC? Do you feel it’s as competitive?

It's just less of a thought. I had friends who had spreadsheets mapping out K3 options in DC. Another friend once told me she was mortified her three year old was not paying attention during her private school preschool interview. We lived in DC proper.

Here we have a great local public school. There is a private that maybe 3/25 kids in the neighborhood go to. It's a UMC area. It's still here some, but I would say overall less competitive for sure. I feel like even I was becoming obsessed with school talk in DC - the lottery, the districts, the paths. Way less here.

I'm of the mindset that it's more about the work ethic and hustle you put into your kids then where you go to school. I graduated from a Midwest public college with a 3.0 and "made" it in dc bc I had an underdog mentality and fought my way in. That gave me a level of grit many others just didn't have.

Long way of saying, I'll take a decent school and a gritty hustler attitude any day over the logo of a school. And that's what I'll push my kids to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We lived in DC for 15 years and now live in a Midwest capital city (suburb just outside). I think we did well by establishing a really solid network of very high achievers for 15 years. I 10x'ed my salary (31.5k as entry level at DC think tank now 300k+).

I do think DC played a huge role in the power of my network (that I would tap into for new job search) and my ability to move my career in ways I did in my 20s and 30s.

Now we live here and I'm in my 40s with three kids and I kind of want to coast here in ways I don't think I could have coasted in DC.

The best of both worlds, and maybe we will go back when our fam dynamic changes again.

NP- but how do you feel it is raising kids in Midwest vs DC? Do you feel it’s as competitive?

It's just less of a thought. I had friends who had spreadsheets mapping out K3 options in DC. Another friend once told me she was mortified her three year old was not paying attention during her private school preschool interview. We lived in DC proper.

Here we have a great local public school. There is a private that maybe 3/25 kids in the neighborhood go to. It's a UMC area. It's still here some, but I would say overall less competitive for sure. I feel like even I was becoming obsessed with school talk in DC - the lottery, the districts, the paths. Way less here.

I'm of the mindset that it's more about the work ethic and hustle you put into your kids then where you go to school. I graduated from a Midwest public college with a 3.0 and "made" it in dc bc I had an underdog mentality and fought my way in. That gave me a level of grit many others just didn't have.

Long way of saying, I'll take a decent school and a gritty hustler attitude any day over the logo of a school. And that's what I'll push my kids to.

That’s a cool story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The easier and more relaxed vibe in the Midwest as compared to DC or the east coast in general is a real and obvious difference and one of the reasons Dh and I moved from DC to the Midwest when we had kids. We now live in an UMC-UC area and you’d think the stress and pressure would be similar given the similar socioeconomics but it’s much more chill and laid back. DH (east coast native) didn’t believe me (Midwest native) when we lived in DC that it could be that different but once we moved he now talks about it all the time and how surprised he was.

^yes, I love the Midwest relaxed feeling. It’s like you can just enjoy your life and free time instead of always being busy and striving.

I don't feel like I am always busy and striving. That's on you if you yield to outside pressure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lake effect snow op.

Seriously. As someone who lived North of Cleveland...never again.

[Anonymous]

OP, the Midwest is lovely. Grew up in Akron area and now live in the suburbs of Chicago.

I'd drill down on what exactly you're pining for and try to pursue those things either in minor ways or in more major ones.

Remember, though, you were a guest and were on vacation. Everything's different when you have stressors and a job and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The easier and more relaxed vibe in the Midwest as compared to DC or the east coast in general is a real and obvious difference and one of the reasons Dh and I moved from DC to the Midwest when we had kids. We now live in an UMC-UC area and you’d think the stress and pressure would be similar given the similar socioeconomics but it’s much more chill and laid back. DH (east coast native) didn’t believe me (Midwest native) when we lived in DC that it could be that different but once we moved he now talks about it all the time and how surprised he was.

^yes, I love the Midwest relaxed feeling. It’s like you can just enjoy your life and free time instead of always being busy and striving.

I don't feel like I am always busy and striving. That's on you if you yield to outside pressure

+1. I live in DC and never feel like I’m
striving. I also am around friends who are similarly relaxed. There are actually a lot of us around. I feel like it’s more a case that you don’t notice relaxed people like this because you are insecure and so only paying attention to people who you think are somehow better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The easier and more relaxed vibe in the Midwest as compared to DC or the east coast in general is a real and obvious difference and one of the reasons Dh and I moved from DC to the Midwest when we had kids. We now live in an UMC-UC area and you’d think the stress and pressure would be similar given the similar socioeconomics but it’s much more chill and laid back. DH (east coast native) didn’t believe me (Midwest native) when we lived in DC that it could be that different but once we moved he now talks about it all the time and how surprised he was.

^yes, I love the Midwest relaxed feeling. It’s like you can just enjoy your life and free time instead of always being busy and striving.

I don't feel like I am always busy and striving. That's on you if you yield to outside pressure

+1. I live in DC and never feel like I’m
striving. I also am around friends who are similarly relaxed. There are actually a lot of us around. I feel like it’s more a case that you don’t notice relaxed people like this because you are insecure and so only paying attention to people who you think are somehow better than you.

+2. I live in NYC and feel the exact same way.

[Anonymous]

Just got back to DC after a few weeks in the rust belt where I grew up.

Gave me new appreciation for the diversity and opportunity of our area. I like that people are more educated and traveled here.

Perhaps we all need to take a long vacation when where we live becomes too much, just like anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

I’m from Ohio OP, but have lived here over 20 years. I agree OH is a much easier place to raise children. The cost of living is so much lower and the people aren’t hyper competitive about EVERYTHING. I’ve been trying to convince DH to move for years.

In particular, I appreciate the greater Cleveland area. There is a lot of culture/museums etc and educated people move into the area from all over for the Cleveland Orchestra, the Cleveland Clinic and to teach at the universities. They have public transportation, major sports teams, the lake. The public and private schools are great, the private schools aren’t $$$, and above average children can actually get in. It’s fantastic.