Anyone feel like DC just isnt ideal for kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's pretty obvious that successful adults with happy childhoods can come from most circumstances (within reason). So I don't think it has to be one vs. another. A childhood in Akron could be great and so could one in DC.

For my part, I grew up in an idyllic suburb and by age 14 or so I began to find it suffocating. I left and never looked back. But a ton of my classmates moved back right after college and they all seem happy there.

I love the childhood I'm giving my kids in DC proper, and they seem really happy. They might not have the childhood that a more family oriented community might give them, but in exchange they are being exposed to so many different types of people and lifestyles that I never was. They are so smart and culturally sensitive, and I feel like they just have a better handle on the world than I ever did. And they also have best friends, and bike rides, pool days, leisurely days at parks, etc.

So I guess what I'm saying is, you can believe that a place like Akron is better suited to you and that's great. But I don't think it necessarily has to lend itself to the idea that DC is not good for kids. It's a "two things are true" type of situation, as they say!

+1 to this. Also grew up in a similar place the OP describes and on occasion I get an itch to go back. Mainly becuase we'd have more expendable income, bigger home, and less competition/pressure on our kids. But my kids are happy here, so why mess with that? DC is also a good balance for my husband and I. And, like OP, I remember in high school (despite having great friends from home) being SO ready to leave. It begins to feel like a bubble.

I'll also add I remember we had a babysitter who had just moved to this area from a smaller city and I asked how she was adjusting/enjoying HS here. I was feeling sorry for her that she moved her sophmore year and she surprised me and said she liked it a lot better. There were more kids at her public HS here and she was able to find her niche easier. Had never thought of it that way.

So pluses and minuses to both and I have found as my kids have gotten older there is more and more of a community/family orientated feel in the area of DMV we are in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent ten days outside of Akron, Ohio (fair lawn) in a very nice neighborhood where my sister and brother in law live. They have been in the area for about 4 years but this was the first time we spent real time there as they usually come here or else we meet somewhere. Let me just say it wasnt anything like the “ohio” or midwest you hear about on dcum. My nephews are split going to either a great public option and one goes to a jesuit highschool and both schools seem great. We went to a neighborhood pool a few times and the families seem normal/educated/ fun. Diversity wasnt as bad as I expected either, many black and Indian families in the development. There wasnt a “lack of things to do” either? We found beautiful metro parks with amazing hiking near by, we did things like top golf and trampoline parks. And what really got me thinking is my brother in law came for a 250k job that might pay a wee bit more in DC but not much and they got a really nice house for 560k and every dollar just seems to go much further. It really made me wonder if perhaps Ive glorified this area a bit too much. My nephews seem really happy and theres an airiness and relaxed undertone the entire household seems to have that I just yearn for. Anyone go somewhere else random and feel similar?

I don't understand what any of this (you liking Akron) has to do with the title "Anyone feel like DC just isn't ideal for kids?" It is perfectly fine to want to raise your kids in Akron but that doesn't mean the choices of people choosing to raise their kids in DC are any less valid

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

[img]https://giphy.com/gifs/yes-mmhmm-B9gKv6rk94zjrdfLDj

[Anonymous]

Isn't it great that we live in such a large and diverse country that you can live where works for you? I don't understand why we need to disparage DC or other parts of the country, just live where you want to live. I'm not moving to OH, but my reasons are important here, if it works for your family, do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in DC proper and luckily I don’t know many people in real life who think and act the way people on DCUM do. DCUM is a weird place.

That’s because you don’t live in a UMC suburb.

NP - I live in Bethesda and don’t know people like this either.

[Anonymous]

I am someone who sometimes really dislikes parenting culture in DC (I live in DC "proper" though we interact with both families in DC (mostly public schools) and in the burbs (public and private).

By and large I do feel kids here are over programmed from a young age. There is a weird focus on getting kids in specialized activities before they hit middle elementary. It also feels like families are very go go go-- a different event or experience every weekend or even both days, multiple activities a week, plus tons of travel. People mostly seem to enjoy this but it seems intense to me and we do a lot less because we like having downtime.

It also feels like schools and education are a major source of stress here. It feels like people move around schools a lot. In DC the lottery is a big part of this though there's also movement to private. Also just a lot of discussion of which schools are best. Again, it mostly just feels intense to me. Many people seem happy about their schools or school choices even as they move around, but the amount of focus and discussion feels intense to me. I think I'm naturally more laissez faire about schools unless something really egregious is going on-- I care about education but attended mediocre public schools and did great in college and life because I'm naturally pretty academic, not because my K-12 experience was optimized for me.

But I'm really not sure this is different elsewhere? That's where I get hung up. We are contemplating a move to a smaller city and in theory it's less intense than DC. But when we talk to friends there it doesn't seem THAT different. I think what people sometimes ascribe to DC is just what UMC parenting is now. We still might move for cost of living reasons (which could really benefit our kids-- more money for college, real in state options, a bigger yard and just less financial pressure generally) but none of that is the stuff day to day that bugs me about the culture of families and parenting here.

I just increasingly think we as broader society have made parenting way harder than it needs to be for no good reason, but that DC itself is not the problem. Maybe a higher concentration of "high achievers" than elsewhere makes it worse by degrees? I don't know, there are travel sports and debates about advanced math everywhere.

[Anonymous]

The biggest benefit we’ve found from leaving the DMV is extra time.

We moved to Richmond. DH used to commute 90 minutes a day in DC. Post-pandemic , he’s hybrid, so that would be 4.5 hours a week of commuting He now commutes 90 minutes a *week*. You simply can’t replace that extra time with family. Kids’ activities are also closer and easier to get into. I can run to the grocery store in under 10 minutes if I forgot something for dinner. That would be at least 40 minutes in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest benefit we’ve found from leaving the DMV is extra time.

We moved to Richmond. DH used to commute 90 minutes a day in DC. Post-pandemic , he’s hybrid, so that would be 4.5 hours a week of commuting He now commutes 90 minutes a *week*. You simply can’t replace that extra time with family. Kids’ activities are also closer and easier to get into. I can run to the grocery store in under 10 minutes if I forgot something for dinner. That would be at least 40 minutes in DC.

But that's just for you. I bike to work -15/20 min, and live a block away from Safeway and 3 blocks to harris teeter. Moving anywhere else would be more time away from family for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent ten days outside of Akron, Ohio (fair lawn) in a very nice neighborhood where my sister and brother in law live. They have been in the area for about 4 years but this was the first time we spent real time there as they usually come here or else we meet somewhere. Let me just say it wasnt anything like the “ohio” or midwest you hear about on dcum. My nephews are split going to either a great public option and one goes to a jesuit highschool and both schools seem great. We went to a neighborhood pool a few times and the families seem normal/educated/ fun. Diversity wasnt as bad as I expected either, many black and Indian families in the development. There wasnt a “lack of things to do” either? We found beautiful metro parks with amazing hiking near by, we did things like top golf and trampoline parks. And what really got me thinking is my brother in law came for a 250k job that might pay a wee bit more in DC but not much and they got a really nice house for 560k and every dollar just seems to go much further. It really made me wonder if perhaps Ive glorified this area a bit too much. My nephews seem really happy and theres a airiness and relaxed undertone the entire household seems to have that I just yearn for. Anyone go somewhere else random and feel similar?

I’m curious - do you have to drive everywhere?

We’re at the end of a two week stint visiting in laws in the Midwest and there are some really lovely things here, including some that you’ve mentioned (parks are great!) but I am so freaking tired of spending over an hour in the car every day because every flipping thing is a 20 minute drive and the residential areas are at least an hour walk (3+ miles), not all of it with sidewalks from the closest “thing” which is a gas station in a strip mall outparcel.

There are many many things I dislike about living in DC, but I sure couldn’t live like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The easier and more relaxed vibe in the Midwest as compared to DC or the east coast in general is a real and obvious difference and one of the reasons Dh and I moved from DC to the Midwest when we had kids. We now live in an UMC-UC area and you’d think the stress and pressure would be similar given the similar socioeconomics but it’s much more chill and laid back. DH (east coast native) didn’t believe me (Midwest native) when we lived in DC that it could be that different but once we moved he now talks about it all the time and how surprised he was.

^yes, I love the Midwest relaxed feeling. It’s like you can just enjoy your life and free time instead of always being busy and striving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent ten days outside of Akron, Ohio (fair lawn) in a very nice neighborhood where my sister and brother in law live. They have been in the area for about 4 years but this was the first time we spent real time there as they usually come here or else we meet somewhere. Let me just say it wasnt anything like the “ohio” or midwest you hear about on dcum. My nephews are split going to either a great public option and one goes to a jesuit highschool and both schools seem great. We went to a neighborhood pool a few times and the families seem normal/educated/ fun. Diversity wasnt as bad as I expected either, many black and Indian families in the development. There wasnt a “lack of things to do” either? We found beautiful metro parks with amazing hiking near by, we did things like top golf and trampoline parks. And what really got me thinking is my brother in law came for a 250k job that might pay a wee bit more in DC but not much and they got a really nice house for 560k and every dollar just seems to go much further. It really made me wonder if perhaps Ive glorified this area a bit too much. My nephews seem really happy and theres a airiness and relaxed undertone the entire household seems to have that I just yearn for. Anyone go somewhere else random and feel similar?

Top golf and trampoline parks wouldn’t really fit the bill for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Their kids will end up in NYC/DC/Chicago/etc. for jobs. I grew up near Akron too - the job market is pretty poor.

So what? I grew up in an idyllic New England college town. Such a fabulous place to be a kid and grow up - safe, lots of nature to explore, surrounded by smart, worldly PhDs. I moved away for college and work but will always be thankful to my parents for the incredible childhood setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am someone who sometimes really dislikes parenting culture in DC (I live in DC "proper" though we interact with both families in DC (mostly public schools) and in the burbs (public and private).

By and large I do feel kids here are over programmed from a young age. There is a weird focus on getting kids in specialized activities before they hit middle elementary. It also feels like families are very go go go-- a different event or experience every weekend or even both days, multiple activities a week, plus tons of travel. People mostly seem to enjoy this but it seems intense to me and we do a lot less because we like having downtime.

It also feels like schools and education are a major source of stress here. It feels like people move around schools a lot. In DC the lottery is a big part of this though there's also movement to private. Also just a lot of discussion of which schools are best. Again, it mostly just feels intense to me. Many people seem happy about their schools or school choices even as they move around, but the amount of focus and discussion feels intense to me. I think I'm naturally more laissez faire about schools unless something really egregious is going on-- I care about education but attended mediocre public schools and did great in college and life because I'm naturally pretty academic, not because my K-12 experience was optimized for me.

But I'm really not sure this is different elsewhere? That's where I get hung up. We are contemplating a move to a smaller city and in theory it's less intense than DC. But when we talk to friends there it doesn't seem THAT different. I think what people sometimes ascribe to DC is just what UMC parenting is now. We still might move for cost of living reasons (which could really benefit our kids-- more money for college, real in state options, a bigger yard and just less financial pressure generally) but none of that is the stuff day to day that bugs me about the culture of families and parenting here.

I just increasingly think we as broader society have made parenting way harder than it needs to be for no good reason, but that DC itself is not the problem. Maybe a higher concentration of "high achievers" than elsewhere makes it worse by degrees? I don't know, there are travel sports and debates about advanced math everywhere.

+100 to this! My husband and I were just talking about this last night. It does seem its everywhere, but maybe not as intense. And where I grew up almost everyone went public and there was little talk of moving to private unless your kid was really struggling. But if you had a struggling child there weren't a lot options, which I guess is the good and bad here..almost too many options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their kids will end up in NYC/DC/Chicago/etc. for jobs. I grew up near Akron too - the job market is pretty poor.

So what? I grew up in an idyllic New England college town. Such a fabulous place to be a kid and grow up - safe, lots of nature to explore, surrounded by smart, worldly PhDs. I moved away for college and work but will always be thankful to my parents for the incredible childhood setting.

I just keep questioning whether I really want my kids to end up in the DMV. It takes a lot to make it here and its an exhausting rat race. I get the job market is far better than a place like Akron, but is it worth it?