Downsizing when you age or empty nesters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lot of child brides, orthodox and Amish people on this thread who think they are empty Nestors at by 55.

My Mom who had did get married younger just had more kids. When she retired at 65 from her job my younger sister and me were still was living at home. My younger sister completed her masters got engaged and moved out at 28 when married. My mom was 68.

You have to marry young and only have 2 kids to empty nest by 55 my neighbors growing up got married at 22-25 but they all had 4-6 kids and plenty of whoops babies in their 40s

My older sister got married while my younger sister was 13.

And with second marriages like my neighbor she has two first husband and two second husband. She had two kids from 23-25 and two kids 37-40.

I’m going to be an empty nester at 55. I have three kids and had my first at 31 after getting married at 30.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be 56 when my youngest (our fourth) starts college. Doubt we will downsize until I’m 60 or so (spouse is a little older than I am).

I’m hoping we can buy a small house or even a condo in a beach community near a well resourced area (in terms of good hospitals, accessible major airport, and good amenities).

I’ve stayed at some really lovely condos that were spacious enough to live in year round. Seems ideal for carefree living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people find downsizing depressing and that’s what becomes the beginning of the end. I like a lot of space and I don’t think that will change once I’m older.

I think timing matters.

All the 80+ folks I know who felt depressed about downsizing created the situation by waiting too long. Yes, it is depressing selling your family home in your 80s and moving into assisted living.

All the people I know who downsized in their 60s/70s approached it as an adventure. Some got condos in cities or beach towns, some bought vacation homes or split time between vacation homes and a condo elsewhere, some moved to new areas for an adventure (Hawaii, Mexico, Aspen, whatever). Several spend months at a time renting in various tourist destinations. Nothing depressing about this.

The folks I know who had truly massive homes while raising kids “downsized” to more normal size homes once their kids launched. I know a couple that recently sold their $2M home and bought a $1M home. The “smaller” home still has 4 bedrooms and plenty of space, but it doesn’t have as much property to deal with or nearly as much square footage to clean and maintain. They’re shocked by how cheap their utilities are in a normal size house. They used the tremendous proceeds from their home to get a vacation house. Nothing depressing about their downsizing.

When you are wealthy everything is easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people find downsizing depressing and that’s what becomes the beginning of the end. I like a lot of space and I don’t think that will change once I’m older.

I think timing matters.

All the 80+ folks I know who felt depressed about downsizing created the situation by waiting too long. Yes, it is depressing selling your family home in your 80s and moving into assisted living.

All the people I know who downsized in their 60s/70s approached it as an adventure. Some got condos in cities or beach towns, some bought vacation homes or split time between vacation homes and a condo elsewhere, some moved to new areas for an adventure (Hawaii, Mexico, Aspen, whatever). Several spend months at a time renting in various tourist destinations. Nothing depressing about this.

The folks I know who had truly massive homes while raising kids “downsized” to more normal size homes once their kids launched. I know a couple that recently sold their $2M home and bought a $1M home. The “smaller” home still has 4 bedrooms and plenty of space, but it doesn’t have as much property to deal with or nearly as much square footage to clean and maintain. They’re shocked by how cheap their utilities are in a normal size house. They used the tremendous proceeds from their home to get a vacation house. Nothing depressing about their downsizing.

When you are wealthy everything is easier.

Sure. But not all these couples are wealthy.

The couple that sold their $2M home where they had raised their kids paid half that when they purchased decades ago.

Others sold their standard 4 bdrm colonials and bought a condo for half the price.

When you downsize, it typically means cutting your costs. Literally anyone can downsize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

“My body”?!?! Yes it’s choices. Had first at 30 and 2nd at 34. Obviously if you haven’t found a life partner you cannot do that. But once again that is about choices—-had I married later, I still doubt I’d have wanted a kid at 40. But not that difficult to be married and able to have a kid at 30/32.
Just like I chose not to have a kid at 22, you can choose not to have a kid at 40+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people find downsizing depressing and that’s what becomes the beginning of the end. I like a lot of space and I don’t think that will change once I’m older.

I think timing matters.

All the 80+ folks I know who felt depressed about downsizing created the situation by waiting too long. Yes, it is depressing selling your family home in your 80s and moving into assisted living.

All the people I know who downsized in their 60s/70s approached it as an adventure. Some got condos in cities or beach towns, some bought vacation homes or split time between vacation homes and a condo elsewhere, some moved to new areas for an adventure (Hawaii, Mexico, Aspen, whatever). Several spend months at a time renting in various tourist destinations. Nothing depressing about this.

The folks I know who had truly massive homes while raising kids “downsized” to more normal size homes once their kids launched. I know a couple that recently sold their $2M home and bought a $1M home. The “smaller” home still has 4 bedrooms and plenty of space, but it doesn’t have as much property to deal with or nearly as much square footage to clean and maintain. They’re shocked by how cheap their utilities are in a normal size house. They used the tremendous proceeds from their home to get a vacation house. Nothing depressing about their downsizing.

When you are wealthy everything is easier.

Sure. But not all these couples are wealthy.

The couple that sold their $2M home where they had raised their kids paid half that when they purchased decades ago.

Others sold their standard 4 bdrm colonials and bought a condo for half the price.

When you downsize, it typically means cutting your costs. Literally anyone can downsize.

THis 1000% Downsize, cut costs and work required for maintenance (yard, shoveling if in area with snow). Do it if you want, don't do it if you still love your family home and like all the space.
Personally, I love my 1500 sq ft condo. Easy to clean and maintain, and the HOA fees cover most maintenance so I don't have to do anything except the interior maintenance. No more lawn care, no roof or exterior painting, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

Yup! If I had kids at 22 and 24, I'd be an empty nester at 42 (off to college) and full empty nester at 46 (last kid out of college). It's not that difficult to choose to be done having kids by 34/35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

You are a child bride. When did you marry?

I would hate for my daughters to waste their youth getting knocked up and being a servant to some bum in exchange for when they are 55 can be an empty Nestor. You can’t be 25 at 55.

To be honest if I was a widower at 70 and met a hot 42 year who wanted a kid I have another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

You are a child bride. When did you marry?

I would hate for my daughters to waste their youth getting knocked up and being a servant to some bum in exchange for when they are 55 can be an empty Nestor. You can’t be 25 at 55.

To be honest if I was a widower at 70 and met a hot 42 year who wanted a kid I have another.

Didn't waste my youth. Got married at 22, first kid at 30, fully lived life before kids, once kids arrived and now really enjoying empty nesting in my early 50s. But have friends who had kids at 22, done by 24 and living life fully in their 40s without kids around. Either way, you do what works for you.


Also, my son or daughter are allowed to select what to do in life themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

You are a child bride. When did you marry?

I would hate for my daughters to waste their youth getting knocked up and being a servant to some bum in exchange for when they are 55 can be an empty Nestor. You can’t be 25 at 55.

To be honest if I was a widower at 70 and met a hot 42 year who wanted a kid I have another.

Didn't waste my youth. Got married at 22, first kid at 30, fully lived life before kids, once kids arrived and now really enjoying empty nesting in my early 50s. But have friends who had kids at 22, done by 24 and living life fully in their 40s without kids around. Either way, you do what works for you.


Also, my son or daughter are allowed to select what to do in life themselves.

+1. There are so many insecure people on DCUM. I would never attack someone for having a child at an age they deemed appropriate for them. I find that on DCUM women who had children at older ages seem to need to attack women who had children at younger ages. I never see this flipped unless someone is responding to a rude comment. Everything doesn't need to be endlessly picked over and compared and analyzed. We are all doing our best and because we are different people in different circumstances with different resources our best and how we even determine what our best is will be different but no one should feel superior or inferior to anyone based on the timing of when they had children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

“My body”?!?! Yes it’s choices. Had first at 30 and 2nd at 34. Obviously if you haven’t found a life partner you cannot do that. But once again that is about choices—-had I married later, I still doubt I’d have wanted a kid at 40. But not that difficult to be married and able to have a kid at 30/32.
Just like I chose not to have a kid at 22, you can choose not to have a kid at 40+

DP. I think pp was referring to people have fertility issues when they mentioned your "body." Some people are unable to have children as easily as you did ar 30/32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

I got a Ranch/Bunker complex in Montana the kids can come to when WW3 kicks off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

You are a child bride. When did you marry?

I would hate for my daughters to waste their youth getting knocked up and being a servant to some bum in exchange for when they are 55 can be an empty Nestor. You can’t be 25 at 55.

To be honest if I was a widower at 70 and met a hot 42 year who wanted a kid I have another.

Didn't waste my youth. Got married at 22, first kid at 30, fully lived life before kids, once kids arrived and now really enjoying empty nesting in my early 50s. But have friends who had kids at 22, done by 24 and living life fully in their 40s without kids around. Either way, you do what works for you.


Also, my son or daughter are allowed to select what to do in life themselves.

+1. There are so many insecure people on DCUM. I would never attack someone for having a child at an age they deemed appropriate for them. I find that on DCUM women who had children at older ages seem to need to attack women who had children at younger ages. I never see this flipped unless someone is responding to a rude comment. Everything doesn't need to be endlessly picked over and compared and analyzed. We are all doing our best and because we are different people in different circumstances with different resources our best and how we even determine what our best is will be different but no one should feel superior or inferior to anyone based on the timing of when they had children.

Yes, you do what works for you. There are advantages to every scenario. I know people who had kids at 20/21. That is likely the "least attractive" solution to me. It typically means the woman quit college to raise the kid. Sometimes it means the guy did as well to have a job to support the family. The perks are that by time you are 40/42, your kids are out of the house and you are still able to travel and do so much. But the issue is, typically with that path, you struggled to get started and likely don't make as much as you would if you waited until 28-30 to have first kid.

28-30 for first kid is the "sweet spot" IMO. You can be done having them by 34/35 and empty nesters by 55. You were able to start your career (unless doctor or lawyer) and be well established, thus allowing you to stay at home for a bit, work PT, etc. With careers well established, you can afford to live a better life than someone at 22 having a kid and still retire/be empty nesters while still able to really enjoy life/be healthy.

35-40 for having kids, works just fine, but fact is you run risk of higher possibility for health issues with mom/baby. You will be 60 or so possibly older when your last kid exits the house after college. So you might need to work until 62/65 just because you have kids still under your care. At 65+ you might not be able to travel and do same things as if you were empty nesters at 55.

Pick whatever works for you. Life is too short to worry about others