Downsizing when you age or empty nesters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

“My body”?!?! Yes it’s choices. Had first at 30 and 2nd at 34. Obviously if you haven’t found a life partner you cannot do that. But once again that is about choices—-had I married later, I still doubt I’d have wanted a kid at 40. But not that difficult to be married and able to have a kid at 30/32.
Just like I chose not to have a kid at 22, you can choose not to have a kid at 40+

DP. I think pp was referring to people have fertility issues when they mentioned your "body." Some people are unable to have children as easily as you did ar 30/32.

Well it won't get any easier if you wait until 37+. And if you couldn't get pregnant at 30/31, I certainly wouldn't spend 5+ years attempting IVF or other methods.

Personally, I would have stopped trying after 6 months and gone the route of adoption from India/Korea (to have an infant). I wouldn't have spent time and money and stress on my body to have a baby because it needs to be my genetic material.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't downsize until your kids have large homes that they can use for holidays. My parents have 3 spare bedrooms upstairs still (from when my siblings and I lived there) and it's SO nice to visit them. My kids can have their own rooms, there's 2 bathrooms just for my family to use and it's quiet up there. We pile in like sardines at my inlaws and kids get cranky after 2 nights of that.

Or if you do downsize, be okay with people not visiting you. One of my grandparents downsized and it's very hard to visit her. She's had numerous surgeries and there isn't a spare bedroom for her kids to stay with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't downsize until your kids have large homes that they can use for holidays. My parents have 3 spare bedrooms upstairs still (from when my siblings and I lived there) and it's SO nice to visit them. My kids can have their own rooms, there's 2 bathrooms just for my family to use and it's quiet up there. We pile in like sardines at my inlaws and kids get cranky after 2 nights of that.

Or if you do downsize, be okay with people not visiting you. One of my grandparents downsized and it's very hard to visit her. She's had numerous surgeries and there isn't a spare bedroom for her kids to stay with her.

We downsized to a 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Living the life we want. Kid 1 is 2K miles away and happy. Kid 2 will likely be 2-3K miles away. But could end up in our area. If they do we will help them with rent for the first few years (VHCOL). We rent the guest suite at the condo bldg when wveryone is home. Or a hotel room 1 block away. Sometimes we rent a whole house somewhere to gather for the holidays. Much easier to rent a big home for 7-10 days than maintain that extra space in a place we own, when we only need it for 2-3 weeks/year.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't downsize until your kids have large homes that they can use for holidays. My parents have 3 spare bedrooms upstairs still (from when my siblings and I lived there) and it's SO nice to visit them. My kids can have their own rooms, there's 2 bathrooms just for my family to use and it's quiet up there. We pile in like sardines at my inlaws and kids get cranky after 2 nights of that.

Or if you do downsize, be okay with people not visiting you. One of my grandparents downsized and it's very hard to visit her. She's had numerous surgeries and there isn't a spare bedroom for her kids to stay with her.


We downsized to a 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Living the life we want. Kid 1 is 2K miles away and happy. Kid 2 will likely be 2-3K miles away. But could end up in our area. If they do we will help them with rent for the first few years (VHCOL). We rent the guest suite at the condo bldg when wveryone is home. Or a hotel room 1 block away. Sometimes we rent a whole house somewhere to gather for the holidays. Much easier to rent a big home for 7-10 days than maintain that extra space in a place we own, when we only need it for 2-3 weeks/year.

This. My parents and my in-laws eventually got to the point where hosting was too exhausting (cooking, cleaning, putting up a tree, etc.). So they went this route and we either stayed in the guest suite or a hotel (which my parents paid for). We were walking distance to grocery stores and restaurants. It was a much better experience for everyone TBH.

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping to downsize when the kid goes off to college. I'll be 55. I don't want to do yard work forever and my older house needs a lot of work I don't want to do. Easier just to cash out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't downsize until your kids have large homes that they can use for holidays. My parents have 3 spare bedrooms upstairs still (from when my siblings and I lived there) and it's SO nice to visit them. My kids can have their own rooms, there's 2 bathrooms just for my family to use and it's quiet up there. We pile in like sardines at my inlaws and kids get cranky after 2 nights of that.

Or if you do downsize, be okay with people not visiting you. One of my grandparents downsized and it's very hard to visit her. She's had numerous surgeries and there isn't a spare bedroom for her kids to stay with her.

If you downsize in a vacation area, you probably won’t have a problem getting visitors. Especially a warm weather local during Winter.

Our friends with parents in FL are always making winter visits.

[Anonymous]

Wife passed away last year,
Larger home, still in it. No reason to move, it’s been paid off for since 2012.

[Anonymous]

There needs to be an appealing reason for me to downsize (awesome location or near kids.) I’m not downsizing here just to have a smaller place. It will be paid off.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why having a house being paid off makes any difference to anyone for this decision. I have seen that comment repeatedly as a reason to stay.

You can obviously decide to sell and buy something else for 100% cash (or hopefully, for less than you sold because you downsize).

I get there is a hassle and expense of buying-and-selling, but I don't see why having a mortgage or not makes any difference assuming you have equity in your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why having a house being paid off makes any difference to anyone for this decision. I have seen that comment repeatedly as a reason to stay.

You can obviously decide to sell and buy something else for 100% cash (or hopefully, for less than you sold because you downsize).

I get there is a hassle and expense of buying-and-selling, but I don't see why having a mortgage or not makes any difference assuming you have equity in your house.

It doesn't really matter if your house is paid off or not. If you have a mortgage but a lot of retirement savings such that you can pay it every month and still have the lifestyle you want, there's no need to downsize.

If you have a house that's paid off, but you don't have much retirement savings to support yourself, you might want to sell it and buy a cheaper house so you can pay for your living expenses.

That said, having a house paid off does allow you to have to lower retirement savings, since you're not paying rent/mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lot of child brides, orthodox and Amish people on this thread who think they are empty Nestors at by 55.

My Mom who had did get married younger just had more kids. When she retired at 65 from her job my younger sister and me were still was living at home. My younger sister completed her masters got engaged and moved out at 28 when married. My mom was 68.

You have to marry young and only have 2 kids to empty nest by 55 my neighbors growing up got married at 22-25 but they all had 4-6 kids and plenty of whoops babies in their 40s

My older sister got married while my younger sister was 13.

And with second marriages like my neighbor she has two first husband and two second husband. She had two kids from 23-25 and two kids 37-40.

I’m going to be an empty nester at 55. I have three kids and had my first at 31 after getting married at 30.

+1

I have 3 as well. Had them between age 30-36. My last will turn 18 when I’m 54 and then I’ll be eligible to retire as a fed at age 57.

I’m sure we’ll stay in our house a little while as the kids get through college and early adult years.

You don’t have to be a child bride to not have kids at home past your mid 50s.

[Anonymous]

55 empty nester and retired, had my DC at 36. Sold our large house and bought a condo in the city and one one the beach. Best decision for us, we don't have to manage the yard or work on the house.

[Anonymous]

We downsized from our big house to a three bedroom condo in a fun urban area. We live there all the time and it did not make sense to us to keep that house just for a few holidays. In fact, we often do major holidays in a rental house in another location anyway. If we need extra space (usually what we have is enough), there are hotels within a block or two walking. So far we have never even had to use that option. One kid is coming home (using third bedroom) and one kid lives far away and is only here for visits. My parents also downsized by selling their paid off house and renting a one-level bungalow in an apartment complex. The extra cash from selling the house is nice to have and they have more than enough to rent for the rest of their lives. We just didn't want to be aging in the same place we had already been in for 20 years and were looking forward to a new chapter. We will almost certainly move another time or two as we move through different life stages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is more of a finance question than a real estate or midlife one, so posting here.
What are you doing with your real estate options when you get to say 55, or when you are empty nesters? Are you downsizing? Moving to a TH? Aging in place? Keeping a larger home for family gatherings, grandkids? What’s your plan?

Is this post from 1975? Empty Nestor at 55 ready to retire?

That was back when my Uncles were cops and Firemen married HS sweethearts young and by 55 a full pension and kids long gone. Kids just went an inexpensive local college.

Today men and women are having kids much later. Their kids are having kids much later and college costs are insane.

When I was 55 I had a 16, 14 and 10 year old at home.

Hence the issue downsizing no longer works

My youngest graduates college when I am 67 and then wants to move home for grad school.

Then until they are married with kids I am still hosting holidays.

I thought I was an old parent but tons and tons parents my age at school.

My friend is 61 with a 13, 11 and 6 year old at home. Had last kid he was 55, wife 45.

55 year olds are still having kids and 25-30 years from retirement.

There are also plenty of people that age who become empty nesters, retire, and downsize.

Yup! Did have kid until almost 30, was done by 35, by 52 last kid was off to college.
Sold big family home and moved into our 2 bed/2bath condo in the city. Won't retire until kid is done with college but we could if we really wanted to, the money is ready and waiting

DOn't know about most people, but I don't want to be over 60 and still have kids on my payroll/supporting my kids because they are not yet out of college. So we chose not to have a kid at 40+

Also your body and your circumstances allowed you to “choose” that path. What a smug response that indicates lack of awareness of the realities of other people’s lives.

DP here - I think it was more of a response to the poster calling us child brides for having a baby at 30.

You are a child bride. When did you marry?

I would hate for my daughters to waste their youth getting knocked up and being a servant to some bum in exchange for when they are 55 can be an empty Nestor. You can’t be 25 at 55.

To be honest if I was a widower at 70 and met a hot 42 year who wanted a kid I have another.

Didn't waste my youth. Got married at 22, first kid at 30, fully lived life before kids, once kids arrived and now really enjoying empty nesting in my early 50s. But have friends who had kids at 22, done by 24 and living life fully in their 40s without kids around. Either way, you do what works for you.


Also, my son or daughter are allowed to select what to do in life themselves.

+1. There are so many insecure people on DCUM. I would never attack someone for having a child at an age they deemed appropriate for them. I find that on DCUM women who had children at older ages seem to need to attack women who had children at younger ages. I never see this flipped unless someone is responding to a rude comment. Everything doesn't need to be endlessly picked over and compared and analyzed. We are all doing our best and because we are different people in different circumstances with different resources our best and how we even determine what our best is will be different but no one should feel superior or inferior to anyone based on the timing of when they had children.

Yes, you do what works for you. There are advantages to every scenario. I know people who had kids at 20/21. That is likely the "least attractive" solution to me. It typically means the woman quit college to raise the kid. Sometimes it means the guy did as well to have a job to support the family. The perks are that by time you are 40/42, your kids are out of the house and you are still able to travel and do so much. But the issue is, typically with that path, you struggled to get started and likely don't make as much as you would if you waited until 28-30 to have first kid.

28-30 for first kid is the "sweet spot" IMO. You can be done having them by 34/35 and empty nesters by 55. You were able to start your career (unless doctor or lawyer) and be well established, thus allowing you to stay at home for a bit, work PT, etc. With careers well established, you can afford to live a better life than someone at 22 having a kid and still retire/be empty nesters while still able to really enjoy life/be healthy.

35-40 for having kids, works just fine, but fact is you run risk of higher possibility for health issues with mom/baby. You will be 60 or so possibly older when your last kid exits the house after college. So you might need to work until 62/65 just because you have kids still under your care. At 65+ you might not be able to travel and do same things as if you were empty nesters at 55.

Pick whatever works for you. Life is too short to worry about others

35-40 is very very young to stop having kids. I had my last kid at 45. I am still a very very young Dad next to my friends having kids in their 50s.
Billy Joel has a six year old
Rod Stewart has a kid at 78
Al Pacino had a kid at 83

Steve Martin had his first kid at 67

Naomi Campbell naturally had a baby at 53 and Hillary Swank had a kid at 48. Brigitte Nielsen at 54

And retirement no longer exists. I heard yesterday the oldest muscian still performing started his band as a teen in the 1930s, He is 100 and still doing shows.

[Anonymous]

DH and I talk about this since the COL in NOVA has gotten so high and our property taxes increase painfully every year. We love our neighborhood but quite a few neighbors have downsized when kids left for college or graduated from college. We don't have any family in the area and work doesn't require us to stay here. Seriously considering downsizing when DS heads to college next fall to a smaller and much less expensive home/area that is same distance from his university and closer to our daughter. We'd then invest the gains. We don't need this large a home anymore and the cost of the lawn and overall upkeep are considerable. Our only worry is how it might affect him coming home from college for breaks and especially summer job opportunities since the area we'd be going to would have fewer opportunities for jobs. DS always says he doesn't want to stay in NOVA but people change their minds.