What is the reasonable HHI income for wife to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Why wife? Can you try to evolve and say spouse?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and my husband makes about 100k. We have 2 kids in public school who play rec sports (no expensive activities so far), we drive older cars that we own/no car payments, we have no debt besides our house/paid off all student loans long ago and never had any other debt, we live pretty frugally on a day to day basis/don’t go out to eat often, no $$ clothes, groceries from Costco or Safeway (not Whole Foods), hair cuts at great clips instead of some fancy salon. But we really focus on saving and investing. Other than that the only “splurge” we have is we do go on 2 plane trips (domestic) per year—spring break and summer break.

[Anonymous]

I stopped working over a decade ago when my first was born and DH was making about $125 as a govt attorney. My salary was half his but it was important to us both that I raise our children instead of daycare or a nanny. Fast forward to now and DH makes close to 1M as a Big Law partner. Our three kids are all in school but I want to be there when they get home and have the flexibility to be able to stay with them for the inevitable sick days, school closings, etc. I also do 100% of the household work and kid scheduling so DH doesn’t have to worry about any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Oh my... I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with 4 kids and your lifestyle choices that you cannot make it on $700K+ a year. Maybe we should do a go fund me for you. Really, you shouldn't have to struggle at all like you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Oh my... I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with 4 kids and your lifestyle choices that you cannot make it on $700K+ a year. Maybe we should do a go fund me for you. Really, you shouldn't have to struggle at all like you are.

I don't think PP said she's struggling but that she doesn't feel like she doesn't feel secure enough to stay home even though her DH makes $700k + a year. I get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

Yes, my husband fully funds my ROTH and his ROTH. It’s automatically put in on payday. He contributes 3.5 to his 401k to get company match.

My husband told me if I would be a SAHM he would fund my retirement and get a large life insurance policy. I do most of the domestic stuff including yard work and some home repairs. I also get a chunk of income to spend on myself, within reason. I wasn’t very happy about giving up my career but our child is disabled. We needed a new life plan. My husband wanted me to know my contribution was valuable. Neither of us wanted me to feel finally dependent on him. I’ve worked hard to make our money to go as far as possible for everyone’s benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s actually the other way around for most people. There is an income below which it doesn’t make sense for both parents to be working. If one or both parents is making less than probably $40 or $50k a year, financial whoever makes the least should stay home.

At the higher ends, it’s all personal preference.

+1. I make 200k. Spouse could make 40-50k but after taxes, what’s the point. It’s so much better to be SAH and spouse takes care of everything in home and picking up our DS, takes him to activities, etc..

I made $50K when we started having kids. I make $200K now. Looking at current salary in a vacuum is very short-sighted and common financial mistake.

Good for you but most people don't quadruple their incomes in a matter of years (barring exceptions like a doctor in residency, etc.).

Well it was over 15 years, not a matter of years. I don’t that would be possible if I had left the profession for even 3-5 years.

[Anonymous]

We make about $470k combined and DH makes about twice my salary. I would stop working if he was making at least $550k.

[Anonymous]

Why would she give up her career? Why don’t you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

Yes, my husband fully funds my ROTH and his ROTH. It’s automatically put in on payday. He contributes 3.5 to his 401k to get company match.

My husband told me if I would be a SAHM he would fund my retirement and get a large life insurance policy. I do most of the domestic stuff including yard work and some home repairs. I also get a chunk of income to spend on myself, within reason. I wasn’t very happy about giving up my career but our child is disabled. We needed a new life plan. My husband wanted me to know my contribution was valuable. Neither of us wanted me to feel finally dependent on him. I’ve worked hard to make our money to go as far as possible for everyone’s benefit.

Sorry…you are now dependent on him..how can you be do dumb?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Oh my... I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with 4 kids and your lifestyle choices that you cannot make it on $700K+ a year. Maybe we should do a go fund me for you. Really, you shouldn't have to struggle at all like you are.

I don't think PP said she's struggling but that she doesn't feel like she doesn't feel secure enough to stay home even though her DH makes $700k + a year. I get that.

How do you not feel secure on that income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Oh my... I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with 4 kids and your lifestyle choices that you cannot make it on $700K+ a year. Maybe we should do a go fund me for you. Really, you shouldn't have to struggle at all like you are.

I don't think PP said she's struggling but that she doesn't feel like she doesn't feel secure enough to stay home even though her DH makes $700k + a year. I get that.

How do you not feel secure on that income?

DP but security is a lot more than a number. When DH and I were both associates in biglaw, we had a ton of income and no security. It’s also about the security of your marriage—which also felt in short supply when we were both in biglaw, under tremendous stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Somewhat similar. Wear is your total networth including home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Somewhat similar. Wear is your total networth including home?

What

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

Oh my... I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with 4 kids and your lifestyle choices that you cannot make it on $700K+ a year. Maybe we should do a go fund me for you. Really, you shouldn't have to struggle at all like you are.

I don't think PP said she's struggling but that she doesn't feel like she doesn't feel secure enough to stay home even though her DH makes $700k + a year. I get that.

+1, my DH makes a similar amount and I feel the same way. We also live in a HCOL city in CA and we have some ambitious home renovation goals, want the flexibility to send our two kids to private, and my mom may have some serious medical expenses that I want to be able to help out with. I also appreciate the OP’s point about a rock solid marriage - while my DH and I are relatively happy, by no means would I say we have a perfect marriage. This also tips against SAHM for me. But ultimately, I enjoy my work and my career, and make good money since leaving the fed govt, so I doubt I would ever leave the workforce entirely.