What is the reasonable HHI income for wife to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

Will your two oldest stay in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the lifestyle you want. You could make it on one spouse earning $100k if you wanted to.

This. We have cousins where the husband earns a little over $40k at the farm coop and the wife stays home. They live in the middle of Iowa. It works for them there. It would be a hard sell here, of course.

The median HHI for the DMV area is in the $100-120k range. I know couples where one spouse earns the median and the other stays home. It works for them here. It just depends on what your needs/wants are. They don't go on fancy holidays and their kids aren't into expensive travel sports. They safe on not needing a nanny or after-care. The stay-at-home spouse manages all household expenses and upkeep.

[Anonymous]

At least $250.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did it with $150K and three kids in NoVA.

+1 but DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$125K+ It really depends on your expenses.

Yes, it depends on your expenses, and also your savings.

We have long saved a significant fraction of our income, so would be OK for retirement at ~60ish if we never saved another penny. One of us could retire, as long as the other could cover our basic expenses. Instead, we both work so we can retire together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

Take a six month leave of absence and see if you like it. You're giving up a lot when you become a stay at home parent. Some people like it and some don't, so make sure you like it before you quit a good fed job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

If 2/3 kids are still in full daycare that’s not a SAHM. And I would personally find a way to do the full 401k amount plus both IRA’s. That’s what we do.

[Anonymous]

DH makes over 700k as a base salary and I don't want to stay home, but that's just because we've grown into our lifestyle and we want to send all 4 kids to whatever school they want. I guess if our mortgage was paid off, each kid had $300k in their 529 plan and I felt really really solid about our marriage, I'd more seriously consider staying home at DH's current income since I've already saved a decent amount in my 401k and brokerage account. I'm not complaining this is "reasonable" but it's my reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the number different from what would be required for a husband to stay home?

My husband stays home and I make $100k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes about 320k and I could SAH on this. I make 250k and he could SAH on my income as well. However it would greatly hamper our financial goals.

Literally exact same salaries for me and my husband but we couldn’t do it. We have three kids in various stages of preschool ($15K each) that we would want them to keep attending and a PITI of $6350. Plus we are trying to make up for about a decade of underfunding our retirements earlier in our careers. To each their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

If 2/3 kids are still in full daycare that’s not a SAHM. And I would personally find a way to do the full 401k amount plus both IRA’s. That’s what we do.

Don’t leave the workforce. You are paying to play now but in five years it will be so much better. You’ll give him a lot by taking a step back now including retirement savings and a pension. Just try to coast for the next few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

If 2/3 kids are still in full daycare that’s not a SAHM. And I would personally find a way to do the full 401k amount plus both IRA’s. That’s what we do.

Don’t leave the workforce. You are paying to play now but in five years it will be so much better. You’ll give him a lot by taking a step back now including retirement savings and a pension. Just try to coast for the next few years.

I meant give up NOT give him**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

This doesn’t make any sense. The IRA limit is rather low and many workers aren’t even eligible because their salary is too high. Investing 7k (or whatever the 2023 limit is) is likely not enough retirement savings and means your husband could be missing out on a match for his 401k.

Regardless the funds are marital property so having your own IRA doesn’t really accomplish much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

If 2/3 kids are still in full daycare that’s not a SAHM. And I would personally find a way to do the full 401k amount plus both IRA’s. That’s what we do.

that's still taking care of a child full-time... is that not SAHM? Are SAHMs who only have one child not actually SAHMs by that criteria?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I am actually thinking about doing this- DH and I are still talking through the pros/cons. We have 3 (5 and 3 year old in daycare, and an infant with a nanny). He makes 200k in the private sector and I make 100k as a fed. My take home money basically goes to the nanny after I pay for healthcare and retirement. Also, I am not enthusiastic about my job. Both DH and I currently feel like we are both stretched so thin, mentally and time-wise, that we aren't fully successful at any of our responsibilities.

I'd be watching the baby at home, and I'd fully take on all the home responsibilities and family logistics stuff, like bill paying, etc. This would free up a ton of DH's time so he could focus more on work. He's enthusiastic about this arrangement, but I worry about giving up my fed stability and retirement benefits.

One thing we were discussing, is that instead of him maxing out his 401k, if he did a half portion and then contributed half to an IRA for me. This would assuage my fears that if something happened to us, I wouldn't be left high and dry because I left the workforce during my prime working years to enable him to focus on his career.

Has anyone done something similar to this? Or made a similar arrangement?

My mother did this with my siblings. She eventually went back into the government when I was 10. So she was out for about 12 years. She retired with her benefits and everything. I'd stay very connected to people though.