TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42

[Anonymous]

I had every genetic test done while pregnant and everything came back clean. Once the child was born, they had markers for Neurofibromatosis 1 (NF1), which is actually rather common (1 in 3000) but guess what, the super detailed pregnancy microarray doesn’t test for it. Thankfully my kids is healthy so far but if you have two healthy kids, I wouldn’t chance a third at 45. I had mine at 36 and 40, and part of me wishes I had another at 42 but even then I thought it was too risky. Of course, everyone should make their own decisions, including op.

[Anonymous]

Im tired at 42. Hope it works out for you but remember those sleepless nights! People forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just so unbelievably arrogant and myopic. A third child at 45 is just a truly dick move to your kids.

I'm certainly not a traditionalist, but the trend of waiting to have children until you are in your 40s is not good. And yes, it is a trend. Reinforced by some kind of weirdly specific competitive streak (There is a running competition in the PAW - princeton alumni weekly - for "oldest mom" in the class notes section) in women and laziness in men.

for one, I'm worried that the genetic material is just subpar. All these ancient eggs and sperm, they just aren't the best. Getting around this issue with PURCHASED generic material - eggs, sperm or womb - is not the solution, it's a second problem.

Then of course....everyone "thinks" they are impervious to aging, illness, dementia, cancer, bad luck - but you aren't. Even something as simple as a bad back or bum knees. Those things are annoying when you have teens or college age kids, but will be a game changer if you have a five year old. Early onset dementia is more common than you'd like to think. And again, a problem when you are retired, but a life-altering complication if you have a teenager at home.

In the end, the real losers in this "trend" are the kids.

all of this.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I know tons of people who had healthy kids in their mid-40s. Best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just so unbelievably arrogant and myopic. A third child at 45 is just a truly dick move to your kids.

I'm certainly not a traditionalist, but the trend of waiting to have children until you are in your 40s is not good. And yes, it is a trend. Reinforced by some kind of weirdly specific competitive streak (There is a running competition in the PAW - princeton alumni weekly - for "oldest mom" in the class notes section) in women and laziness in men.

for one, I'm worried that the genetic material is just subpar. All these ancient eggs and sperm, they just aren't the best. Getting around this issue with PURCHASED generic material - eggs, sperm or womb - is not the solution, it's a second problem.

Then of course....everyone "thinks" they are impervious to aging, illness, dementia, cancer, bad luck - but you aren't. Even something as simple as a bad back or bum knees. Those things are annoying when you have teens or college age kids, but will be a game changer if you have a five year old. Early onset dementia is more common than you'd like to think. And again, a problem when you are retired, but a life-altering complication if you have a teenager at home.

In the end, the real losers in this "trend" are the kids.

all of this.

+1000

This is true. Everyone I knew, myself included, that had older parents really hated it as a kid and really resented the premature caretaking burden as an adult. It is what it is, but it’s certainly not best for the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like flying too close to the sun. You have two perfect kids - why risk having a complicated pregnancy or a kid with disabilities?

I’m not op but I want one more too. Imagine you had one less than you wanted. Would you just be able to just forget it and move on?

Sometimes you just have to. We wanted 4 kids and have 3. 4 wasn't possible (we tried) so we left it alone after our failed pregnancies. I'm now 44 and would never dream of it. OP has two healthy kids. She should count herself lucky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like flying too close to the sun. You have two perfect kids - why risk having a complicated pregnancy or a kid with disabilities?

I’m not op but I want one more too. Imagine you had one less than you wanted. Would you just be able to just forget it and move on?

PP, did anyone ever tell you that no one gets everything in life that they want? Just checking.

[Anonymous]

We got a puppy instead of a third kid. He scratched that baby itch and is a lot easier!

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who had three kids between 40 and 45, no interventions. She is very happy with her decision. And though no-one would mistake her for a 20-year old, she is quite active and youthful.

[Anonymous]

^^just saying maybe try naturally before worrying about interventions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im tired at 42. Hope it works out for you but remember those sleepless nights! People forget.

I never understood women complaining about being exhausted with a baby. It’s a baby! I was never tired having two babies in mid to late 20’s. We did everything, went everywhere. We walked for miles, sledding, skiing, kids activities, meeting up with single friends and other new members.

We didn’t have the fancy equipment that the 40+ year old mothers had but our children grew with us from apartments to homeowners to cars that didn’t break down, things like that. I don’t think I would want older parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like flying too close to the sun. You have two perfect kids - why risk having a complicated pregnancy or a kid with disabilities?

I’m not op but I want one more too. Imagine you had one less than you wanted. Would you just be able to just forget it and move on?

Sometimes you just have to. We wanted 4 kids and have 3. 4 wasn't possible (we tried) so we left it alone after our failed pregnancies. I'm now 44 and would never dream of it. OP has two healthy kids. She should count herself lucky

+1. We had secondary infertility and never were able to have a second child. The only thing you CAN do is forget it and move on. You are a parent, you have a family. You can grieve, then focus on being grateful despite life not working out the way you hoped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im tired at 42. Hope it works out for you but remember those sleepless nights! People forget.

I never understood women complaining about being exhausted with a baby. It’s a baby! I was never tired having two babies in mid to late 20’s. We did everything, went everywhere. We walked for miles, sledding, skiing, kids activities, meeting up with single friends and other new members.

We didn’t have the fancy equipment that the 40+ year old mothers had but our children grew with us from apartments to homeowners to cars that didn’t break down, things like that. I don’t think I would want older parents.

Did you breastfeed? Formula feeding allows you to sleep a good nights sleep while someone else looks after your baby. Breastfeeding moms get literally no rest for like a year. That’s really hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im tired at 42. Hope it works out for you but remember those sleepless nights! People forget.

I never understood women complaining about being exhausted with a baby. It’s a baby! I was never tired having two babies in mid to late 20’s. We did everything, went everywhere. We walked for miles, sledding, skiing, kids activities, meeting up with single friends and other new members.

We didn’t have the fancy equipment that the 40+ year old mothers had but our children grew with us from apartments to homeowners to cars that didn’t break down, things like that. I don’t think I would want older parents.

Did you breastfeed? Formula feeding allows you to sleep a good nights sleep while someone else looks after your baby. Breastfeeding moms get literally no rest for like a year. That’s really hard.

I don’t know, i had kids at 36 and 40, breastfed both for 18 months each and felt fine. The first was really hard, had bad reflux and didn’t sleep through the night until age 2. The second was a dream baby but also didnt sleep through until a year old. Still, I took naps when possible and DH helped a lot, and it was fine.

[Anonymous]

Having a third baby at 46 when you already have two healthy kids is the absolute epitome of selfishness and immaturity.