Nanny phone usage
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Anonymous
| I'm sure this has been posted before, though I did a search and couldn't find any recent threads. How do you handle phone usage by your nanny? She is 25 and a part time college student getting her degree in ECE, she works about 35 hours a week for us. When she started about a year ago, we had a conversation about it (and it's also in her contract) - it was supposed to primarily be restricted to when my son was napping (he naps about 2 hours a day, from 11:30-1:30) and she was fine with that. My mom had stayed with us intermittently over the past year and told me that she thought the nanny was using the phone too much, and that has proven to be true now that I've been WFH for four months and can see it myself. I would say she looks at her phone at least 1x/hour and will occasionally take 5 minute phone calls while she is watching my son as well (none appearing to be urgent). She is otherwise a good nanny in most respects (my other complaints are minor, she doesn't clean up after herself or my son as much as I would like, etc.) and my son loves her. Before anyone asks, yes, we pay her market rate (slightly higher - about $21 an hour which is on the higher end for our MCOL area). We have a second child coming in September and we will be giving her a pay increase then as well. Given that it's not realistic to be looking for a new nanny in these times, any suggestions on how to handle this, or even a script for a conversation? Thanks in advance. |
Anonymous
| Looking at her phone once in an hour doesn't seem like a big deal. It isn't a battle I would pick. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| I was with you until you said "once in an hour". |
Anonymous
Normally I would agree, but that 1x/hour (it is probably sometimes more, I was being generous) leads to at least 5 minutes of texting/scrolling where she isn't looking or interacting with my son. This especially concerns me when they are outdoors in the backyard and I want him closely supervised. I mean, if the answer is that I have no choice given the fact that I'm not likely to find someone better right now, that's fine, but I'm just not comfortable with how often I see her using the phone (plus I can hear my son talking/babbling and she doesn't respond, and when I peer out of my home office I can see that she's looking at her phone). |
Anonymous
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Olivia,
We love how much Sam loves you, and we are looking forward to our daughter growing to love you just as much. When we first hired you we asked that you keep your phone usage to when Sam is napping. We also agreed you would clean up after Sam/help him clean up after himself. Both of these are in the contract that you signed. I've noticed there's been a distinct slip in both of these - are you finding it too hard to stay off your phone or clean up after Sam? Especially once the new baby comes both of these will be extra important. Can you re-commit to them? |
Anonymous
| OP here, it is, at a minimum, once an hour and it's not just for a second to check for texts/calls. It's a lot of scrolling and responding to longer texts which is what concerns me, I guess. Pretty much every time I go out into the living room/kitchen I see her on the phone, but I can't say I have a good estimate on how many times an hour. Suffice to say it's enough to make me uncomfortable that my son isn't being interacted with sufficiently. It sounds like this might just be the norm, though? Honestly I'd rather pay more for someone who can commit to looking at their phone less. |
Anonymous
Thank you, this is helpful! |
Anonymous
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NP
Another thing you can add, in addition to the above, is "how can we make this work, together?" Use "we" language. It indirectly underscores that you are on the same team. She might also need something from you to make it work (a specific additional break time, to catch up with a sick relative she is worried about? or something like that), and that makes this easier to broach. You don't have to agree to her ideas, but it is a problem you two should be solving as a team. |
Anonymous
Very helpful if condescending is what you are going for. I think you are asking for too much. |
Anonymous
Oh FFS you are ridiculous |
Anonymous
| If she is good with your son and, as you said, he loves her, I would let the phone issue go unless it substantially progresses. Consider this--no one in your son's life, including you, is going to be with him and pay 100% attention to him. Having to entertain himself for 5-20 minutes isn't a huge deal as long as he's being monitored for safety purposes. |
Anonymous
| Is she interacting with your child when she is not on the phone? It's not reasonable to expect that every babble is responded to. You want your child to learn to play independently. It will pay off big as he grows up. |
Anonymous
Thank you, these are good points. I think I am primarily concerned with it in the outdoor context in our backyard, where there are various safety concerns and I'd like her to keep her attention on him (as I do when I am outdoors with him). Maybe I will just ask her not to use her phone when they are outdoors and especially when he is in the kiddie pool. My other concern is that with an infant and a toddler, it will be harder to keep an eye on both while also using the phone, but maybe that's a conversation I wait to have until the new baby arrives. |
Anonymous
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I mean, good luck finding someone under the age of 40 who isn’t going to check their phone.
I’ll get flamed for this but if you want a hard working nanny who will clean and stay off her phone, you need an immigrant from Latin America who is in her 30s-40s. They work so hard and don’t use their phones, in my experience. American women nannies use their phones and don’t clean up very well. But if she’s otherwise a good nanny then you’ll need to be flexible about the phone. |