Nanny phone usage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, good luck finding someone under the age of 40 who isn’t going to check their phone.

I’ll get flamed for this but if you want a hard working nanny who will clean and stay off her phone, you need an immigrant from Latin America who is in her 30s-40s. They work so hard and don’t use their phones, in my experience.

American women nannies use their phones and don’t clean up very well.

But if she’s otherwise a good nanny then you’ll need to be flexible about the phone.

I think those who are 50+ are worse than younger people, they are less able to have dual attention and tend to get quite engrossed in their phones.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re being ridiculous. Your child is probably around 3, looking down once or twice an hour while they are in your backyard would not be a dealbreaker for me.

I think when there are 2, she won’t even have time to check her phone. I agree with asking no phones if they are in the pool or something. But letting a child explore safely without hovering is also important.

I know I will be flamed and told “but you’re not being paid “. But as a mom I often look at my phone more than that and I try to be as engaged as possible with my children. Perhaps a text from a dr for an appointment confirmation, an email from a professor, etc. it’s not like she’s scrolling Instagram and making tiktok videos while your child runs in traffic. Just my opinion, but if your son loves her and she’s a great nanny- I’d pick my battles and this would not be one.

[Anonymous]

Genuine question: How often do you look at your phone? I'm not trying to be snarky, but what she's doing sounds reasonable to me -- as does your request that she not use her phone outside in the backyard or in other situations where you can both clearly agree that close supervision is required.

So, back to my question: Once covid hit, I learned just how many, many times I touch my face. Maybe my norms re: phone usage are off, but hers actually sound low to me. Maybe on the weekend, or whenever she's not working, and you're just at home (vs doing some special activity), notice how many times you use your phone. It may -- or may not -- give you a slightly different perspective.

As for the baby -- in your position, I wouldn't bring that up until it's an active issue. To me it would be better to observe a bit -- if you feel it would give you additional information -- and discuss your concerns about extra careful supervision in specific situations, whatever those situations might be for you. I agree that the older the kid, the more independence I would try to nurture, so I, personally, see no problem with phone usage while a kid is reading, working on a project, fighting sleep, or thinking about eating that last green bean -- as long as she's clearly able to shift her focus between the phone to the kid if and as she needs to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Olivia,

We love how much Sam loves you, and we are looking forward to our daughter growing to love you just as much. When we first hired you we asked that you keep your phone usage to when Sam is napping. We also agreed you would clean up after Sam/help him clean up after himself. Both of these are in the contract that you signed. I've noticed there's been a distinct slip in both of these - are you finding it too hard to stay off your phone or clean up after Sam? Especially once the new baby comes both of these will be extra important. Can you re-commit to them?

Thank you, this is helpful!

Very helpful if condescending is what you are going for. I think you are asking for too much.

+1 the last line is too much.
I’d be prepared for the nanny to say “nope. No I cannot recommit”.

[Anonymous]

Our nanny never looks are her phone until her break time (kids nap time). She never has. Her phone is always in her backpack. We’ve got her an Apple Watch when she started with us if we needed to reach her immediately or if she needed to call 911.

Sometimes she takes her phone out to take pictures of our child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Olivia,

We love how much Sam loves you, and we are looking forward to our daughter growing to love you just as much. When we first hired you we asked that you keep your phone usage to when Sam is napping. We also agreed you would clean up after Sam/help him clean up after himself. Both of these are in the contract that you signed. I've noticed there's been a distinct slip in both of these - are you finding it too hard to stay off your phone or clean up after Sam? Especially once the new baby comes both of these will be extra important. Can you re-commit to them?

Thank you, this is helpful!

Very helpful if condescending is what you are going for. I think you are asking for too much.

+1 the last line is too much.
I’d be prepared for the nanny to say “nope. No I cannot recommit”.

And that’s her right but I don’t see a problem with asking any employee to do what they’ve been hired and agreed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, good luck finding someone under the age of 40 who isn’t going to check their phone.

I’ll get flamed for this but if you want a hard working nanny who will clean and stay off her phone, you need an immigrant from Latin America who is in her 30s-40s. They work so hard and don’t use their phones, in my experience.

American women nannies use their phones and don’t clean up very well.

But if she’s otherwise a good nanny then you’ll need to be flexible about the phone.

Way to stereotype.

[Anonymous]

I want my nanny looking at her phone at least once an hour in case I've texted her. Is she otherwise being negligent in any way?

[Anonymous]

Former Nanny and now a parent. Let it go, your child doesn’t need to be responded too the minute he babbles.... if she literally had to tend to every single need the minute he needs it he is going to be for a huge shock come September.

[Anonymous]

Are you looking for something to be upset with her for? Like, are there other issues? It sounds like you really like her...maybe let this go?

[Anonymous]

Please make this a thing OP and watch how fast your nanny gets snatched up by a family who can manage not being a pain in the ass. There are TONS of people looking for someone to help out with their kids at home right now. You have someone who does a good job, who your son loves, and who looks at her phone like everyone else with a phone (including you) and that's the hill you want to die on. Please get some perspective and let this go. Your nanny is probably bored to tears right now, and little kids are really just not very interesting. If she is mostly engaged with him, and keeping him safe, you should be happy.

[Anonymous]

I am on my phon much more than that when I am watching my kids. Before I had a phone, I did the would read a book or a newspaper while so was watching them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nanny never looks are her phone until her break time (kids nap time). She never has. Her phone is always in her backpack. We’ve got her an Apple Watch when she started with us if we needed to reach her immediately or if she needed to call 911.

Sometimes she takes her phone out to take pictures of our child.

Your nanny is one in a million. It shouldn’t be that way but it is.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a vast middle ground between the Serious Conversation and just keeping silent. I assume either at the beginning or the end of the day, you have some kind of de-brief (how the day went, etc?) After an especially phone heavy day, I would throw in a “I’ve noticed you’re on your phone sometimes when you’re watching Sam. If you could cut back on that, I’d appreciate it.” And she’ll say, oh, sure! And you say thanks. The end.

It won’t move to nothing, but I bet it gets cut in half and that’s probably fine.

[Anonymous]

So the reality is that most nannies are on the phone all the time. Many are holding long conversations while their charges wonder around the playground (pre Covid 19). The only difference is that you see it now because you are stuck working from home and cannot remain blissfully unaware. Let her be she sounds good enough and your child likes her.