4 year old doesn't give us personal space

[Anonymous]

She is always in our faces. Prefers to kick and hit us for playtime. We'll be reading books in bed and she just starts putting her feet in my face. Her hands all over me. We have a baby and she gets into his face so much he cries. I tell her to stop and she gets more in his face. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

What do you do when this happens beyond just telling her to stop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do when this happens beyond just telling her to stop?

we've tried time out, distracting her, and taking things away.

[Anonymous]

4 yr olds think you are part of their personal space.

Choose locations that you have more control over the physical setting. Read books sitting in a chair. Make sure you give her lap time separate from the baby.

[Anonymous]

When you're reading a book, remind her that she needs to keep her body parts to herself. When she doesnt, close the book and tell her you won't read until she can keep to herself. And keep doing that. If you usually say lights out at 730 and you hit 730 without having finished a page...oh well she can try again tomorrow.

When she is upsetting the baby, she goes to her room until she can behave. You don't give her any attention over it.

Kicking and hitting during playtime isn't acceptable. You stop playing and don't engage with her until she can play appropriately.

And on your end, you carve out time each day for cuddles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is always in our faces. Prefers to kick and hit us for playtime. We'll be reading books in bed and she just starts putting her feet in my face. Her hands all over me. We have a baby and she gets into his face so much he cries. I tell her to stop and she gets more in his face. Any advice?

It could be sensory, attention-seeking, she is missing out on 1:1 physical and emotional connection. Kids learn if I do x, then I get y. Are you focusing on her or the baby when she gets in the babies face? Do you have to spend 1:1 time with her when you dole out punishment? Is she getting enough physical, creative, and mental play throughout the day? It could be excitement when she is getting to play. What do you say when she hits or kicks? We use "I will not let you hit/kick me". Deflect and block if it continues. If it escalates, then I say I see that you are having a hard time playing gentle. I need to take a break since you keep hitting me. We can play again when you can be gentle OR I ask - do you need a hug or some extra attention Larlo? It feels like you want my attention and are having a hard time saying so. Would you like a hug or cuddles?

You can also use Hands are not for hitting. Hands are for drawing, painting, and building stuff. I feel like you want to play with you hands today- do you want to play with playdoh or draw? Same with kicking. Feet are not for kicking. Kicking hurts. Lets use our feet and go outside with the ball or jump really high for 10 times in a row. Feet are for playing and jumping. How high can you jump?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you're reading a book, remind her that she needs to keep her body parts to herself. When she doesnt, close the book and tell her you won't read until she can keep to herself. And keep doing that. If you usually say lights out at 730 and you hit 730 without having finished a page...oh well she can try again tomorrow.

When she is upsetting the baby, she goes to her room until she can behave. You don't give her any attention over it.

Kicking and hitting during playtime isn't acceptable. You stop playing and don't engage with her until she can play appropriately.

And on your end, you carve out time each day for cuddles.

Agree with this. Just walk away if it continues.

Do plenty of one on one time with her, is this new and is she jealous of the baby? I’m sorry, 4 is a rough age! I’m there now too

[Anonymous]

My 5.5 YO is the same way. He is constantly trying to climb me and sit on me. I joke it’s like a frat party because he can’t control his hands and prefers to stroke my boobs.

Anyway, I tell him clearly that I dint want him to touch me there. If he keeps it up, I stand up and walk away. He gets it and, while he still has high touch needs, has at least mostly stopped feeling me up.

[Anonymous]

Kick or hit during play = immediate end to playing with her.

Feet in face during bedtime stories = goodnight, lights out & walk away.

Tormenting baby - Serious firm NO and physically move her away.

If possible buy something like a hulla hoop to put around the baby on the floor. Teach her that inside the hulla hoop is his personal space. Use it for yourself and husband too as a teaching tool with her.

Books on personal space for kids like Personal Space Camp & Personal Space Invader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5.5 YO is the same way. He is constantly trying to climb me and sit on me. I joke it’s like a frat party because he can’t control his hands and prefers to stroke my boobs.

Anyway, I tell him clearly that I dint want him to touch me there. If he keeps it up, I stand up and walk away. He gets it and, while he still has high touch needs, has at least mostly stopped feeling me up.

That's the wrong message to be sending your children. Particularly your son.

[Anonymous]

THanks everyone, I will revert back to this page next time. Like tonight she was reading books/cuddling with the baby and she starts putting her hands in her face. I tell her to stop and she starts hurting the baby! she's definitely acting out bc of boredom, but I don't know about jealousy.

I could do more cuddling with her, I'll work on that. I will also work on walking away when she's doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kick or hit during play = immediate end to playing with her.

Feet in face during bedtime stories = goodnight, lights out & walk away.

Tormenting baby - Serious firm NO and physically move her away.

If possible buy something like a hulla hoop to put around the baby on the floor. Teach her that inside the hulla hoop is his personal space. Use it for yourself and husband too as a teaching tool with her.

Books on personal space for kids like Personal Space Camp & Personal Space Invader

Thank you for these suggestions!

[Anonymous]

If my kid does this (rarely but sometimes) or if she is super wiggly when I'm reading I just stop reading. It works because she loves being read to. Same age.
We also have a 10 month old. If she is hurting the baby I walk away with the baby.

But on the flip side, we give a lot of positive attention to her. I actively and loudly tell the baby to "wait" while tending to the oldest. And lots of one one one mom or dad time. It really really cuts down into he negative attention seeking behavior.
How old is the baby? Took about 6 months for my oldest to realize the baby didn't take her place and it got much better after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 5.5 YO is the same way. He is constantly trying to climb me and sit on me. I joke it’s like a frat party because he can’t control his hands and prefers to stroke my boobs.

Anyway, I tell him clearly that I dint want him to touch me there. If he keeps it up, I stand up and walk away. He gets it and, while he still has high touch needs, has at least mostly stopped feeling me up.

That's the wrong message to be sending your children. Particularly your son.

It was a joke. Settle down.

[Anonymous]

Try time in. At least 15 minutes a day of one on one time with a parent—no baby.

Give her more outside and/or physical activity.