Do I tell our babysitter that I knew her brother who passed away?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
A couple of years ago, a student of mine died in a car accident. By sheer coincidence, his sister has been taking care of our two young kids the past month and today is her last day. I did not go to her brother's funeral (though his mom came by my office and we chatted) and my wife, who kept her last name, set up everything so I doubt our babysitter knows I was one of his professors. (He was actually on the way to my class when he got in the car accident.)
I have not told her that I knew her brother because I don't want to bring up what is surely a painful memory for her. But I wonder if I'm missing an opportunity to tell her that I thought he was a great person and I still think about him. Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| I would tell her. I lost my mom when I was young, and I love hearing from people who knew her. I would say something at the end of the day, so she can process it away from you and your kids. But if you have good memories of him, I would share those with her. |
Anonymous
| Tell her. I've also lost loved ones and it's always a comfort to hear from others with fund memories of them. |
Anonymous
|
Of course tell her. You should have told her before.
You must never have lost anyone you loved, OP, because the pain of loss is always there. Sharing it is all that helps. |
Anonymous
| Yes, absolutely tell her. I lost my sister when I was a young adult in a car accident - the suddenness makes it so hard. If she's like most who lost a sibling, which is like losing a limb - she will love to hear anything you may wish to tell her about her brother. |
Anonymous
Yes, definitely. |
Anonymous
This is a bad harsh. OP’s wife here. We didn’t immediately figure out that she was his sister! |
Anonymous
| ^^^ a bit harsh |
Anonymous
That as not the least bot harsh! NP here and I was about to write the same thing. You think if you don’t mention the tragedy that the sitter would have forgotten about it? Now it looks like you were hiding it from her. |
Anonymous
| Yes definitely! My brother was killed 20 years ago and I ran into one of his professors in a plane. Please share any memories you have. It will make her sad, but it’s so nice to know people remember. |
Anonymous
| Come right out and tell her. Express your condolences and share stories about him. The worst part of losing a loved one is when everyone has moved on, even though the loss remains. Hearing new stories is comforting and affirming that this oerson did exist and had an impact on otgers. |
Anonymous
| I would tell her. |
Anonymous
you're crazy. They just say that they didn't realize it initially and weren't sure how to bring it up but did want to mention that he was well liked and still think about him. Totally okay. You sound nuts, honestly. |
Anonymous
| I would. Especially if she's younger and does't have a lot of memories. If you have any pictures I'd offer them to her too. |
Anonymous
|
"Beth, we have loved having you watch the kids these past few weeks. I didn't know how to tell you this, but I actually knew your brother. I was his teacher. I thought so highly of him, and I can see that his humor and wisdom runs in your family. I hope you don't mind me saying this. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that we figured out the connection. I think of your brother very fondly."
In other words...acknowledge the awkward, and the admiration. |