Anyone feel their parents overspent on them?

[Anonymous]

Piggybacking off the earlier thread on cheap parents.....anyone feel their parents overspent on them? I had all the latest and greatest material items growing up. However was saddled with student loan debt. As a young adult once I understood more about money, I was really confused about why my parents prioritized fancy vacations and clothes over educational savings. Anyone else’s feel their parents overspent?

[Anonymous]

I think I was a bit "indulged", but I was only given things if I put the work in. If I wanted to go horseback riding, I needed to know how to wash the horses and clean out their stalls. If I wanted them to pay for college I needed a sensible concentration and I needed to excel. They bought me an apartment in my 20s, and I'm sure there would have been hell to pay if I didn't choose the right place. My apartment appreciated very well and my dad still talks about how "smart" I was to pick it.

But I repay my parents by taking care of my dad now, "no" isn't a word in my vocab when it comes to anything he asks for, and he's well aware that he will never be in a nursing home.

[Anonymous]

Misguided priorities.

I have a relative who struggled during college to make ends meet. She was working to support herself, living in a very iffy neighborhood, had to work late restaurant hours and was robbed on her way home at night. Her parents did not provide any financial assistance. When she got married, her mom lavished her with all these expensive jewels that she's had for a long time. The bride wept. Those jewels could have been a life saver during her college years.

[Anonymous]

Yes I do. But I didn't realize at the time how much they were spending on education and related trips, it literally never occurred to me. I only realize now that I have children and I look at those kinds of opportunities and realize we'd be pushed to do the same.

I think it helped that I grew up as an only child and that they were not extravagant spenders - no fancy vacations etc. It must have meant their spare cash was spent on me in many ways. And I realize now it was driven by my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I do. But I didn't realize at the time how much they were spending on education and related trips, it literally never occurred to me. I only realize now that I have children and I look at those kinds of opportunities and realize we'd be pushed to do the same.

I think it helped that I grew up as an only child and that they were not extravagant spenders - no fancy vacations etc. It must have meant their spare cash was spent on me in many ways. And I realize now it was driven by my mother.

+1

It is almost always driven by the mother. Some kids grow up to really resent that, and I can understand why.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound young.

When I had kids and I got exhausted and had those around me passed I learned the value of enjoying life, having a good life because you only live once. You might have days when you go to sleep crying and you have to do things to help you forget.

They probably did what they could and they couldn’t set you up for life with no college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piggybacking off the earlier thread on cheap parents.....anyone feel their parents overspent on them? I had all the latest and greatest material items growing up. However was saddled with student loan debt. As a young adult once I understood more about money, I was really confused about why my parents prioritized fancy vacations and clothes over educational savings. Anyone else’s feel their parents overspent?

My parents did the opposite - they overspent on education rather than material things. They spent so much on education that we never took vacations, had a real tough time with money and their marriage ended up falling apart b/c of stress over money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piggybacking off the earlier thread on cheap parents.....anyone feel their parents overspent on them? I had all the latest and greatest material items growing up. However was saddled with student loan debt. As a young adult once I understood more about money, I was really confused about why my parents prioritized fancy vacations and clothes over educational savings. Anyone else’s feel their parents overspent?

No. My parents gave me fancy vacations and clothes and paid for all my education so I had no debt upon graduating. It means that I am now able to succeed in ways that they dreamt about, and am able to put my kids (their grandkids) in the same position I was put in. I also learned how not to waste money. It wasn't that we were super rich. It was more that we never impulse bought, we made wise investments, and only spent money on things that were meaningful. These lessons about money were so valuable.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

My parents had a 7 figure HHI (and this was decades ago!) and clearly bought me things / spent money on me / let me roam free with the credit card to make up for their guilt at not spending more family time together. From the outside it was a privileged life but there was so much that I wish I had.

Not surprisingly, I'm now a SAHM, obsessed with making every minute with my kids count.

[Anonymous]

Mine sent me to a private high school that, in retrospect, was probably not worth what it cost. Not a bad school, just didn't match the price tag. Oh well.

They did spend about $500 a month on my classical music lessons and activities. I was motivated but not especially talented, but they thought it was good for me.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Didn't even get an allowance. But I had nice clothes bought second hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes.

My parents had a 7 figure HHI (and this was decades ago!) and clearly bought me things / spent money on me / let me roam free with the credit card to make up for their guilt at not spending more family time together. From the outside it was a privileged life but there was so much that I wish I had.

Not surprisingly, I'm now a SAHM, obsessed with making every minute with my kids count.

This is also not healthy. Please don’t suffocate your kids and please keep a sense of self/identity that’s not wrapped up with your kids.

-child of a mom who very much did not do that

[Anonymous]

In some ways yes, in some ways no. My mom bought us A LOT of clothes (nice stuff, like from Nordstrom) and junk (bath and body works crap, etc.). We got takeout a lot, AND when I was in junior high and high school, my parents gave me money to go to the movies and out to dinner with my friends ALL THE TIME. That is so weird to me because my husband and I are now pretty budget conscious and I can't imagine ever spending that much money on eating out. But we never went on vacations (literally never), and I barely did any activities, which I would've liked. I think we could've used the clothing budget to send me to an activity. Such weird priorities.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my father grew up in a developing country - they were not the poorest of the poor, but they never had anything extra. He wanted to give us everything he never had and my parents spent a lot of money buying us new clothes, toys, and gadgets, and taking us on vacations - to the point that they neglected college and retirement savings. Thankfully, they still instilled in us the value of hard work, and we are all independent, successful adults. They were and are amazing parents, but did overspend on me and my siblings.

[Anonymous]

Nope, no money to do so and in order to get extras they couldn't afford I began to work when I was 11/12. I am the firstborn with many siblings and the last three had it much better as there was more money being earned. My children got more of the necessities and extras but if they wanted designer or higher than average priced then they had to earn the money needed to cover the gap. Which I believe has served them well when I look at others.