We’re done - secondary infertility

[Anonymous]

We’ve spent so many years, done so many treatment cycles, and had so many losses. I can’t do it anymore and I’m ready to move on. But I’m so afraid that if I keep trying, maybe it would work out next time. And my DC would be the BEST big sibling, how can I give up and let DC down? I’m just so tired and sad and sick of waiting for a miracle that’s just never going to happen. Has anyone else been there and made it through to the other side?

[Anonymous]

If my current very early pregnancy doesn't work out, we are giving up, too.

[Anonymous]

OP I have not done this but I just wanted to say that I am sorry for all you have been through. You sound like an amazing person with an amazing family. My best to you.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. It is maddening. I was in your shoes & decided to give it one more shot and switched to CCRM in Denver. It wasn’t much more of a hassle than everything here & was a million times better. Just a thought but I do completely get the done part.

[Anonymous]

Totally understand OP. It is hard to get out of the just-one-more-time cycle. It feels impossible to do that when ever next chance could be the one. Are you able to financially do another round? If you are in MD, private insurance covers IVF.

[Anonymous]

I have a very similar story. Most of my 30's was spent trying to get pregnant with a second child. Many miscarriages, IVF rounds, to conversations about donor eggs and surrogacy. Infertility is truly a rabbit hole.
DH and I just couldn't do it anymore--emotionally and financially... It took time, but I do feel that I am finally at peace with our family of 3. Please try and seek a good therapist, it really helped me. Sending you a virtual hug.

[Anonymous]

We got to that point. We tried ART, adopting a waiting child from foster care, and kinship adoption. None of them played out. It's still sad sometimes but we also have a good life and honestly an easier one than we would if any of those had succeeded. There are good and bad thing about any fork along life's paths. I wish you peace.

[Anonymous]

I would take a couple months and see how you feel. I had my 3rd failed donor egg cycle and took a couple months off. I was sad, but then I started feeling so happy that I didn’t have any more medication to take, driving to appts, and disappointing phone calls. It was almost like I had been in a depression and my medication kicked in and I knew we made the right choice to stop. I still get pings if envy or sadness when i hear about pregnancies or see cute babies, but I am me again. Take a break and see how you feel.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. I am in a similar position. 5 failed cycles with my own eggs, one failed DE transfer. I have 2 more DE embryos and if neither one takes, we will be done. I have been on the IVF train for 5 years trying to give my daughter a sibling and I just can’t do it anymore. The ironic part is now I feel done and want to stop, but we don’t feel right not transferring the remaining 2 embryos from our DE cycle. So, we will see what happens. But I’m finally at peace with my family of 3.

Wish I could give you a hug, OP (if you’d want one). This is so hard.

[Anonymous]

If you're done, you're done. It's out of your hands now.

Your DC will have the chance to be The Best parent. And friend. And cousin. And lots of things ...

But btw, I do have friends who had became pregnant with a second 7 and 10 years later. Naturally. They never expected that. Of course if you were to have that on your mind, it will never happen. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

From the comments, I don’t get why people feel obligated to put themselves through this to give their child a sibling. Our daughter is an only child because of complications and a traumatic birth. We were one and done and our child understands why. She’s a fantastic only child and we are lucky and grateful to have her.

[Anonymous]

I had made my peace with having only one kid and gave up. I moved from a really terrible work environment to a fabulous dream job and became pregnant within 3 months of changing jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the comments, I don’t get why people feel obligated to put themselves through this to give their child a sibling. Our daughter is an only child because of complications and a traumatic birth. We were one and done and our child understands why. She’s a fantastic only child and we are lucky and grateful to have her.

I am a PP and am not at all trying to take away from your experience or say anything negative about being an only child, but I am an only child and for a myriad of reasons wanted to give my child a sibling if possible. As I was going through secondary infertility (although not really secondary b/c I had gone through hell to have the first, too, w/ multiple ivfs, etc), I went through the loss of a parent in a pretty traumatic way. That sealed that deal that for me, personally, I didn't want my child to have to go through these events on his own without any siblings down the road. I now others feel differently.

[Anonymous]

We were in your place, OP, and chose to adopt. For our family, adoption has been a blessing, though I know it's not for everyone. Whatever you choose, I hope you find peace.