Talk to me about being in a relationship and parenting with a man who is a "mamma's boy"

[Anonymous]

Grew up with a SAHM, she did not require them to do any chores, it was more important to her they were having fun.
Never disciplined the children, if they misbehaved she just gave disapproving looks. Frequently got out of what little discipline there was by making mom laugh
Mom was "cool mom" and they had " the hang out house" where anything goes this included drinking and bailing friends out of jail.
Both boyfriend and mom are opinionated, say whatever they are thinking, and both believe themselves to be right.
Mom likes to give her opinion on everything, is 70 years old and "learning to hold her tongue".
Admittedly is moms' favorite and most like her
Mom thinks everything her son does is brilliant.
Everyone in the family says whatever they are thinking, and calls this great communication.
Parents are divorced, and boyfriend has somewhat stepped into the husband role making sure his mom and siblings are provided for.
Family has a weird sense of humor lots of sexual jokes.

[Anonymous]

You'll always expect to be right in your relationship too, and you'll always be #2 to mom. BTDT. Flee now.

[Anonymous]

*He'll always expect to be right...

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t want to marry or raise kids w someone who has this weird dynamic w their mom, to be honest. He’ll likely expect you to be the same type of wife/mother than his mom is...and he sounds spoiled so likely will always expect to be right and to be waited on/served by you.

[Anonymous]

If you ever want this relationship to work, you need to be clear about expectations and boundaries from day one imo. It’s possible to have a good relationship with a mamas boy, you just need to make it clear about your wants and needs from a partner.

[Anonymous]

Hold up... Tell me more about the financial side to this:

What does it mean that he provides for the mom and siblings??? I’m going to spell it out for you right now: kids are expensive! He’s your boyfriend so I don’t imagine you have combined finances, but later on when you’re paying for daycare and trying to save for college and maybe even take a vacation once in a while, you’re going to be super resentful if a good chunk of your HHI is going to support his mom and siblings. Really think hard about that.

And I agree with everyone else — the family dynamic seems really dysfunctional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Hold up... Tell me more about the financial side to this:

What does it mean that he provides for the mom and siblings??? I’m going to spell it out for you right now: kids are expensive! He’s your boyfriend so I don’t imagine you have combined finances, but later on when you’re paying for daycare and trying to save for college and maybe even take a vacation once in a while, you’re going to be super resentful if a good chunk of your HHI is going to support his mom and siblings. Really think hard about that.

And I agree with everyone else — the family dynamic seems really dysfunctional.

He paid for her house, pays for bills from time to time, pays for family vacations, pays for expensive gifts etc.

[Anonymous]

As a mom to only boys and somebody that had brothers (and a sister). That description is abhorrent.

I would NOT be in a relationship with a man like that and a future MIL like that. Those childhood issues are deep-seated.

That goes well beyond your typical 'momma's boy'. A kid can be a 'momma's boy' even when momma holds them to high standards, requires chores and holds him accountable and momma has a full-time job.

My younger ones leans 'momma', but he know he can't drop that card to get away with crap. He would try when he was little and then storm off and tell me he was mad at me, etc. He still looks for momma in the stands at every sporting event though--and makes eye contact . The pro athletes always thank momma---ha!

What you are describing is SEVERE dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hold up... Tell me more about the financial side to this:

What does it mean that he provides for the mom and siblings??? I’m going to spell it out for you right now: kids are expensive! He’s your boyfriend so I don’t imagine you have combined finances, but later on when you’re paying for daycare and trying to save for college and maybe even take a vacation once in a while, you’re going to be super resentful if a good chunk of your HHI is going to support his mom and siblings. Really think hard about that.

And I agree with everyone else — the family dynamic seems really dysfunctional.

He paid for her house, pays for bills from time to time, pays for family vacations, pays for expensive gifts etc.

This is normal for some families, but if it's not how you grew up, his family dynamic is going to be a constant issue. Honestly, my first reaction to your post is: Run! Do not stay with this man!

[Anonymous]

Look at what your wrote and I think you know the answer. Run for the hills!

[Anonymous]

How far away does mom live? If she's on the other side of the country and he sees her a few times a year, that would be much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hold up... Tell me more about the financial side to this:

What does it mean that he provides for the mom and siblings??? I’m going to spell it out for you right now: kids are expensive! He’s your boyfriend so I don’t imagine you have combined finances, but later on when you’re paying for daycare and trying to save for college and maybe even take a vacation once in a while, you’re going to be super resentful if a good chunk of your HHI is going to support his mom and siblings. Really think hard about that.

And I agree with everyone else — the family dynamic seems really dysfunctional.

He paid for her house, pays for bills from time to time, pays for family vacations, pays for expensive gifts etc.

This whole situation is a recipe for disaster unless he is VERY willing to take a long hard look at all these family dynamics or unless you are willing to go along with all of it. Just massive, massive red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How far away does mom live? If she's on the other side of the country and he sees her a few times a year, that would be much better.

Less than a half-hour away.

[Anonymous]

Hells to the no. You will be second and be gaslighted for even questioning the situation. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Hold up... Tell me more about the financial side to this:

What does it mean that he provides for the mom and siblings??? I’m going to spell it out for you right now: kids are expensive! He’s your boyfriend so I don’t imagine you have combined finances, but later on when you’re paying for daycare and trying to save for college and maybe even take a vacation once in a while, you’re going to be super resentful if a good chunk of your HHI is going to support his mom and siblings. Really think hard about that.

And I agree with everyone else — the family dynamic seems really dysfunctional.

He paid for her house, pays for bills from time to time, pays for family vacations, pays for expensive gifts etc.

This whole situation is a recipe for disaster unless he is VERY willing to take a long hard look at all these family dynamics or unless you are willing to go along with all of it. Just massive, massive red flags.

Red flags, flares, the whole damn ship is on fire.