Sister has zero self awareness

[Anonymous]

How do you deal with a family member who has no self awareness and constantly tries to demand sympathy for being the “victim”? My sister has always been like this but it’s taken on a whole new level thanks to Covid and I truly can’t deal with her anymore.

Sister is 35 and single. She calls me daily to complain about how much life sucks for her right now - she is bored, has run out of TV shows to watch, is tired of working from home, hates her job in general because it’s so slow right now, wants to go out with her friends (which she would happily do but they are social distancing) etc. She wants me to agree that she has it worse than everyone else in the world and complains that I have no sympathy for what she is going through. First off, everyone is experiencing the effects of Covid and she is not unique. Second, not only do I have a job, but also 3 kids, 2 I am homeschooling and one who is a baby who needs 24/7 attention, I am trying to keep my disaster of a house even somewhat clean and find a few minutes a day to myself which never happens. Running out of shows on Netflix is just not something i can relate to. She never asks how I am doing or how the kids are managing. She just throws her own pity party.

I have stopped answering her calls and when I do I tell her I have to go and hang up as soon as she starts ranting. I have called her out before for being so clueless but she truly believes she is always more put out than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

You sound clueless as well considering so many have died, become permanently injured or lost jobs because of this pandemic.

Perhaps you could frame it as:"we're both overly negative about our lives and let's talk about how great we have it compared to others." Because it seems like it's a competition right now, but for the wrong prize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a family member who has no self awareness and constantly tries to demand sympathy for being the “victim”? My sister has always been like this but it’s taken on a whole new level thanks to Covid and I truly can’t deal with her anymore.

Sister is 35 and single. She calls me daily to complain about how much life sucks for her right now - she is bored, has run out of TV shows to watch, is tired of working from home, hates her job in general because it’s so slow right now, wants to go out with her friends (which she would happily do but they are social distancing) etc. She wants me to agree that she has it worse than everyone else in the world and complains that I have no sympathy for what she is going through. First off, everyone is experiencing the effects of Covid and she is not unique. Second, not only do I have a job, but also 3 kids, 2 I am homeschooling and one who is a baby who needs 24/7 attention, I am trying to keep my disaster of a house even somewhat clean and find a few minutes a day to myself which never happens. Running out of shows on Netflix is just not something i can relate to. She never asks how I am doing or how the kids are managing. She just throws her own pity party.

I have stopped answering her calls and when I do I tell her I have to go and hang up as soon as she starts ranting. I have called her out before for being so clueless but she truly believes she is always more put out than everyone else.

You both sound self unaware and selfish and clueless. Being all alone for months is really really hard. Yes you have more work to do but you also have a husband and children you presumably love to socially interact with. Show some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You sound clueless as well considering so many have died, become permanently injured or lost jobs because of this pandemic.

Perhaps you could frame it as:"we're both overly negative about our lives and let's talk about how great we have it compared to others." Because it seems like it's a competition right now, but for the wrong prize.

You are completely right - and I didn’t mean to make it seem like I think I have it worse than her. It sucks and times are tough but neither of us have it that bad compared to many. I don’t need to rant to her about how bad it is and I don’t want to listen to her rant to me. My issue is that she truly acts like she is the only person in the world being impacted and inconvenienced.

[Anonymous]

OP, all you can do is use the non-engaging “Oh that sounds really rough” line over and over. So that she doesn’t get the attention she wants by getting you to respond in some way that she can then reject. And of course doing what you’re doing already - getting off the phone and limiting the time you speak to her. Sorry you’re going through this. Hope it gets better!

[Anonymous]

Just because someone calls does not mean you have to answer.
Second, sure she sounds annoying and self centered. Yet, I dislike your martyrdom rhetoric here. Single people should not feel like they have no right to complain You wanted kids and now you have it worse than her? So, she should not vent to you about her problems because you have more issues? I don't like this saint-motherhood you are presenting. I do have kids and can understand that this situation is hard for people without kids as well.

[Anonymous]

If she's so bored why not ask her to come over and watch your kids for a week? I think she'll be grateful for her solitude after that.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you suggest she move in with you and give you a hand with your kids?

[Anonymous]

Stop complaining

[Anonymous]

My sister is like that. Only calls to vent and ask favors, never gives a hoot about how I or my kids are doing. It might just be the younger sister/older sister dynamic. Mine is 8 years younger.

[Anonymous]

you are just as selfish and self absorbed. don't complain about 3 kids and how hard it is when you choose to have three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a family member who has no self awareness and constantly tries to demand sympathy for being the “victim”? My sister has always been like this but it’s taken on a whole new level thanks to Covid and I truly can’t deal with her anymore.

Sister is 35 and single. She calls me daily to complain about how much life sucks for her right now - she is bored, has run out of TV shows to watch, is tired of working from home, hates her job in general because it’s so slow right now, wants to go out with her friends (which she would happily do but they are social distancing) etc. She wants me to agree that she has it worse than everyone else in the world and complains that I have no sympathy for what she is going through. First off, everyone is experiencing the effects of Covid and she is not unique. Second, not only do I have a job, but also 3 kids, 2 I am homeschooling and one who is a baby who needs 24/7 attention, I am trying to keep my disaster of a house even somewhat clean and find a few minutes a day to myself which never happens. Running out of shows on Netflix is just not something i can relate to. She never asks how I am doing or how the kids are managing. She just throws her own pity party.

I have stopped answering her calls and when I do I tell her I have to go and hang up as soon as she starts ranting. I have called her out before for being so clueless but she truly believes she is always more put out than everyone else.

She has the new American Values: always a victim and no personal responsibility. Change the system, not improve yourself!


Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't stop people from complaining. Everyone is suffering with the lockdown.

[Anonymous]

You seem to be lacking in the self awareness department yourself, there sis.

You may not be the best judge of character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with a family member who has no self awareness and constantly tries to demand sympathy for being the “victim”? My sister has always been like this but it’s taken on a whole new level thanks to Covid and I truly can’t deal with her anymore.

Sister is 35 and single. She calls me daily to complain about how much life sucks for her right now - she is bored, has run out of TV shows to watch, is tired of working from home, hates her job in general because it’s so slow right now, wants to go out with her friends (which she would happily do but they are social distancing) etc. She wants me to agree that she has it worse than everyone else in the world and complains that I have no sympathy for what she is going through. First off, everyone is experiencing the effects of Covid and she is not unique. Second, not only do I have a job, but also 3 kids, 2 I am homeschooling and one who is a baby who needs 24/7 attention, I am trying to keep my disaster of a house even somewhat clean and find a few minutes a day to myself which never happens. Running out of shows on Netflix is just not something i can relate to. She never asks how I am doing or how the kids are managing. She just throws her own pity party.

I have stopped answering her calls and when I do I tell her I have to go and hang up as soon as she starts ranting. I have called her out before for being so clueless but she truly believes she is always more put out than everyone else.

Everyone has lost something, it isn’t a contest. Does she live alone? Not seeing people, when you live alone can be devastating. I am seeing it play out with my neighbor right now- she has gone down a very dark hole. You are probably the one person your sister feels comfortable in complaining too. Maybe you could have designated vent conversations and designated positive conversations.