How to stop the inter-room shouting

[Anonymous]

I ignore my kids (and husband) when they shout at me from the other room. I try telling them calmly, “I’m in the other room. If you need me, come here.” But my family keeps shouting from the other room. No, I don’t Alyssa a perfect example because sometimes I think something is urgent with my 4 or 6 year old, but I’m trying. Any insight on how any of you keep your house from being a yelling house?

[Anonymous]

Nope. I was unsuccessful at this. I got nothing.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a house with 1950s-style intercoms.

Everyone shouted anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think about this Roz Chast cartoon constantly in our house. I can STILL hear him talking to me from the other room!



Roz Chast's 'Zoning Laws':

Step 1: Divide house into zones.
Step 2: No yelling from one zone to another.
Step 3: If someone breaks this law, whisper, “You’re not in my zone. I can’t hear you.”
Step 4: Endlessly debate whether the hallway to the bathroom is in the same zone as the bathroom

[Anonymous]

If you figure it out, OP, let me know. My kids do this and it drives me insane. And it's never important! I'm ok with shouting from another room or another floor if someone got hurt, but there's no need to yell downstairs that you put your underwear in the hamper.

[Anonymous]

We taught the kids to use Alexa. It was easier than getting them to stop shouting. They now just drop into the room and tell me what they were shouting. Lazy, but quieter.

[Anonymous]

If you respond to it now and then, that’s intermittent reinforcement and will further entrench the behavior. If you want it to stop, you need to ignore it completely (extinguishing), or have an immediate negative consequence. For the husband, I would just repeat that I have asked you not to shout at me, as it makes me tense, over and over. For the kids, I would ignore as much as possible, after really making an effort to teach exactly what you do and don’t want, including talking through various scenarios, like emergencies vs. information about laundry, and then if they keep it up I’d have them sit with paper and pencil for five to ten minutes at the dining room table to write or draw all their concerns to you, because you don’t want to be yelled at about it. They will start to think before yelling if they are inconvenienced by this each time.

[Anonymous]

If my kids yell in the house, for any reason, they lose half an hour of screen time. The end.

[Anonymous]

I don't respond unless they come see me.

[Anonymous]

We text each other

[Anonymous]

Keep ignoring them. Eventually they will learn.

[Anonymous]

I follow the advice of Ruth Bader Ginsburg: “In every good marriage, it helps to be a little deaf.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you figure it out, OP, let me know. My kids do this and it drives me insane. And it's never important! I'm ok with shouting from another room or another floor if someone got hurt, but there's no need to yell downstairs that you put your underwear in the hamper.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

I love that someone posted a Roz Chast cartoon. She is the absolute best!

This is one of my major pet peeves. I either ignore or call out “I’m in the kitchen [or wherever].” If a child expresses frustration when they arrive at my side, I ask them whether they really though it was OK to expect me to stop what I was doing, track them down, and hear that they wanted me to do something for them. After a few years of repetition, they each got the point. DH on the other hand....

[Anonymous]

My husband is the biggest offender. I wish he’d at least yell loud enough for me to actually hear. I just ignore him now.