Dating When Unsure About Kids..

[Anonymous]

I’m 32 and want to settle down but I’m unsure if I want kids. It’s 50/50 for me. I don’t really know how to navigate dating with being unsure. Some either wants kids or don’t. No one that I have met is on the fence. How do you date and find a husband when your unsure of having kids?

[Anonymous]

I got divorced in my late 20s over kids. Try very hard to figure out what you want before getting serious with someone unless you find someone who also is sure he'd want an amicable quickie divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 32 and want to settle down but I’m unsure if I want kids. It’s 50/50 for me. I don’t really know how to navigate dating with being unsure. Some either wants kids or don’t. No one that I have met is on the fence. How do you date and find a husband when your unsure of having kids?

Are you okay doing whatever your partner wants? Like if you fall in love with someone who really wants kids, would you be willing to get pregnant right away? And vice versa, if you fall in love with a guy who doesn’t want kids, are you okay never having a family?

If so, embrace your flexibility! The dating world is your oyster! Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 32 and want to settle down but I’m unsure if I want kids. It’s 50/50 for me. I don’t really know how to navigate dating with being unsure. Some either wants kids or don’t. No one that I have met is on the fence. How do you date and find a husband when your unsure of having kids?

Are you okay doing whatever your partner wants? Like if you fall in love with someone who really wants kids, would you be willing to get pregnant right away? And vice versa, if you fall in love with a guy who doesn’t want kids, are you okay never having a family?

If so, embrace your flexibility! The dating world is your oyster! Enjoy!

OP here. Yes. My reservations are that I went back to school for an advanced degree and won’t be done until 35. I have PCOS and 35 is already a geriatric age for having kids. If I do have kids, I want two. I would want to give my child a sibling. I feel like I don’t have much time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 32 and want to settle down but I’m unsure if I want kids. It’s 50/50 for me. I don’t really know how to navigate dating with being unsure. Some either wants kids or don’t. No one that I have met is on the fence. How do you date and find a husband when your unsure of having kids?

Are you okay doing whatever your partner wants? Like if you fall in love with someone who really wants kids, would you be willing to get pregnant right away? And vice versa, if you fall in love with a guy who doesn’t want kids, are you okay never having a family?

If so, embrace your flexibility! The dating world is your oyster! Enjoy!

OP here. Yes. My reservations are that I went back to school for an advanced degree and won’t be done until 35. I have PCOS and 35 is already a geriatric age for having kids. If I do have kids, I want two. I would want to give my child a sibling. I feel like I don’t have much time.

It sounds like you don’t want kids...

[Anonymous]

Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

Sorry your husband sucks but not all men are like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

Sorry your husband sucks but not all men are like this.

+1. I have two kids and my husband is very involved. We are a true team and he we split everything 50/50.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was you. I was a nurse for about 5 years before I decided to get my masters degree. I was 35 and wanted to wait but I wasn’t married and I decided to go for it. I met my husband a month into my program. We got married right after I graduated at 37 and had our first at 38 and our second right before I turned 40. I was never sure about having kids until I met my husband. I’m super happy and so glad I have my sons. I would be honest about being unsure. The right guy will come along. You’re still young enough to have some time to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 32 and want to settle down but I’m unsure if I want kids. It’s 50/50 for me. I don’t really know how to navigate dating with being unsure. Some either wants kids or don’t. No one that I have met is on the fence. How do you date and find a husband when your unsure of having kids?

I was basically you at 30. I was upfront about not being sure. I got engaged and asked if kids was a dealbreaker because I was still not sure and said I did not know if I would ever change my mind. He said okay. I thought all was fine until he pressured me to stop using the pill and i literally got pregnant from 1 time and during the act I was like I am never doing this again (and I had said no before but he would not stop pressuring me). Stayed miserable for many years and finally divorced after 10 years.

My advice is decide is to be upfront about not being sure and if you end up with someone who really wants kids and you still really are not sure, exit the relationship ASAP. Don't wait to see if you change your mind either way. You may date someone you decide you want kids with and it is moot. But never let a man pressure you after they "change their mine." It will be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

There is no need to "find a husband" if you aren't going to have kids. Figure it out Op! (hint .. Nature gives you 9 months to get use to the idea)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

Sorry your husband sucks but not all men are like this.

+1. I have two kids and my husband is very involved. We are a true team and he we split everything 50/50.

Kudos for you! A quick glance at the relationship forum suggests that this is not the case fir the vast majority of women. And if you think DCUM is biased a quick google search results in the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no need to "find a husband" if you aren't going to have kids. Figure it out Op! (hint .. Nature gives you 9 months to get use to the idea)

This is such bs. You can still want a spouse to go through life with without having kids. I hate that people think there is no reason to get married if you don’t want kids. Is that person supposed to be alone? This is such bs advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

Sorry your husband sucks but not all men are like this.

I don't have kids, not talking about my husband. You got lucky. The risk of having a man like this is high and a woman with an advanced degree who's already on the fence should consider.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2020/05/06/upshot/pandemic-chores-homeschooling-gender.amp.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a plan for how you're going to use that advanced degree while having two small children and a husband who is overwhelmingly likely not to pull his weight with them and who will likely act as if you are the default parent?

Sorry your husband sucks but not all men are like this.

+1. I have two kids and my husband is very involved. We are a true team and he we split everything 50/50.

Kudos for you! A quick glance at the relationship forum suggests that this is not the case fir the vast majority of women. And if you think DCUM is biased a quick google search results in the same.

This is dumb. Why would people create posts just to say how awesome their husband is? So of course the posts are going to be skewed.