How to break it to ILs?

[Anonymous]

Post-quarantine issue. ILs now want to see grandkids all the time, which I get. But, they can’t/won’t make the drive to us because the AC doesn’t work in their car so they “can’t drive far”. Last week DH took them to visit and then he visited, but now he’s back to work in the office and since I am currently not working, they think I’m chauffeur. They aren’t comfortable with sleepovers. They are a half hour away which isn’t bad, but we’ve never gotten along in the kind of way that I’d stick around, so it seems sort of pointless to drive them there, drive a half hour home to then turn around and drive an hour round trip to get them home. Normally I’d find a Starbucks or mall or something close, but everything is closed. I’m fine making this trek once a month, but I’m not doing it weekly, which is what they expect. For the couple hours alone, I have to drive two hours total, and it’s just not worth the time or gas or miles on my vehicle to me to do this weekly. What is the best thing I/DH can tell ILs without hurting feelings?

[Anonymous]

Hey there, I noticed that Wednesday will only be a high of 73 with no humidity. Why don't you join us for breakfast so you can get back before the hotter part of the day?

Or if that doesn't work, I can bring them X day. Oh, that's too long between visits? Well, I hope you can make it on Wednesday, then!

[Anonymous]

Pay to fix their A/C?

[Anonymous]

It's possible they're no longer really comfortable driving. How old are they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pay to fix their A/C?

I wonder if they’re feeling too old to drive...

[Anonymous]

Go and stick around, but don't do it weekly. Why is that so hard?

[Anonymous]

What does DH say? Is he pushing you to go more often? A reasonable compromise would be that you take the kids there once a month and he takes them once a month on a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Can you go there, but have a specific task to do, like finish a book for your Zoom book club, or finish a knitting project, or run an errand at a nearby store?

[Anonymous]

No one can't go 30 minutes without A/C. They're afraid to drive.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. Everyone i know is over a half hour away on 270 traffic. I drive to inlaws, friends and all over. Why not have longer visits? Drop off at 10 am pick up around 5 or 6. Would that be worth it? Once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does DH say? Is he pushing you to go more often? A reasonable compromise would be that you take the kids there once a month and he takes them once a month on a weekend.

I think this is important. He should be primarily handling the relationship with his parents—especially if you don’t get along very well. He should be breaking the news to his parents that it’s just not possible for you to drive every week. Auto shops are open, they can fix their AC if they want to see the grandkids more often.

Personally, driving 30 minutes to sit around in my car or walk in someone else’s neighborhood waiting for the visit to end sounds miserable. The summer is already going to be hard and long enough without adding to the misery. Once a month is generous.

[Anonymous]

Quarantine is not over.

[Anonymous]

Have DH take the kids on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can't go 30 minutes without A/C. They're afraid to drive.

This. Don't pressure people to drive if they're uncomfortable with it. If they think it's unsafe, it probably is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can't go 30 minutes without A/C. They're afraid to drive.

This. Don't pressure people to drive if they're uncomfortable with it. If they think it's unsafe, it probably is.

Wait, aren’t the grandparents the ones pressuring OP to drive???