How to break it to ILs?

[Anonymous]

They're probably not comfortable with driving, period.

That said, do what you feel comfortable doing. If once a month works for you, stick to that. They want more visits, they'll have to come up with a solution or deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. Everyone i know is over a half hour away on 270 traffic. I drive to inlaws, friends and all over. Why not have longer visits? Drop off at 10 am pick up around 5 or 6. Would that be worth it? Once a month.

The grandparents want once a week. OP has already said she’s willing to do it once a month — they want her to do it weekly.

Her husband needs to step in and handle it. Once a month is plenty.

[Anonymous]

Christ on a cracker, OP. Just let the kids see their grandparents. You act like this is some crazy burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one can't go 30 minutes without A/C. They're afraid to drive.

Some people are really sensitive to heat. My ILs had a lot of temp issues in my house. You don't know. Maybe they are still fine driving but afraid of getting fleeced at the mechanic. It's only June they need to get it fixed.

I would compromise and do twice a week or on the weekend when DH can do it. You are lucky to have iLs who have an interest in the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one can't go 30 minutes without A/C. They're afraid to drive.

Some people are really sensitive to heat. My ILs had a lot of temp issues in my house. You don't know. Maybe they are still fine driving but afraid of getting fleeced at the mechanic. It's only June they need to get it fixed.

I would compromise and do twice a week or on the weekend when DH can do it. You are lucky to have iLs who have an interest in the kids.

Oops meant twice a month.

[Anonymous]

If close interaction with a high-risk group during a pandemic isn't the issue here, I really don't think a weekly visit to the ILs is a problem, OP. Just stay there and get to know them better (and don't add something abusive they did to you - you should have said that in your first post).

It is very likely they are not comfortable driving and don't quite know how to say it. You should accompany them in their car one day when it's cooler, to assess their driving skills, actually. It's important.

[Anonymous]

Once every two weeks seems like the obvious compromise here, if everyone's cool with Covid-19.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Christ on a cracker, OP. Just let the kids see their grandparents. You act like this is some crazy burden.

Where did you get that OP is blocking the grandparents visits??? She said they’re welcome to come to her house and see the kids.

The grandparents want her to chauffeur the kids and wait in her car for hours while they see the kids. That’s ridiculous, and yes it is a burden. It’s actually quite generous that she’s willing to do it once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If close interaction with a high-risk group during a pandemic isn't the issue here, I really don't think a weekly visit to the ILs is a problem, OP. Just stay there and get to know them better (and don't add something abusive they did to you - you should have said that in your first post).

It is very likely they are not comfortable driving and don't quite know how to say it. You should accompany them in their car one day when it's cooler, to assess their driving skills, actually. It's important.

Don’t you mean her husband—their SON should do this??!??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Christ on a cracker, OP. Just let the kids see their grandparents. You act like this is some crazy burden.

Where did you get that OP is blocking the grandparents visits??? She said they’re welcome to come to her house and see the kids.

The grandparents want her to chauffeur the kids and wait in her car for hours while they see the kids. That’s ridiculous, and yes it is a burden. It’s actually quite generous that she’s willing to do it once a month.

Where did you get that I said that the OP is blocking visits? OP just needs to put her big girl pants on and read a book at the grandparents' house for a couple hours while they do something with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Once a week is too much. Offer twice a month. And I'd stay there, if there's somewhere you can hang out and read/knit/listen to a podcast, etc., at their house. Not being best buds with them doesn't mean you can't stay there. Just be up front. "While you guys play with the kids, I'm just going to catch up on my emails/read this book/etc. Thanks!" You get a mini-break, and don't spend two hours in the car.

And when they pressure you, just say, "Sorry, that doesn't work for me." Repeat ad nauseam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once a week is too much. Offer twice a month. And I'd stay there, if there's somewhere you can hang out and read/knit/listen to a podcast, etc., at their house. Not being best buds with them doesn't mean you can't stay there. Just be up front. "While you guys play with the kids, I'm just going to catch up on my emails/read this book/etc. Thanks!" You get a mini-break, and don't spend two hours in the car.

And when they pressure you, just say, "Sorry, that doesn't work for me." Repeat ad nauseam.

I think OP is doing enough. Whatever she offers they’re going to want more and it sounds like they’re unappreciative if her efforts. This should go to DH to handle. He needs to say no or he can spend his free time driving kids to his parents house.

[Anonymous]

Your husband should be handling the messaging here.

[Anonymous]

I would just drop them off for a much longer visit once a week. Basically the condition for driving them there and picking them up is that they stay most of the day. That way you have a large chunk of time to do whatever you want during the day, wherever you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just drop them off for a much longer visit once a week. Basically the condition for driving them there and picking them up is that they stay most of the day. That way you have a large chunk of time to do whatever you want during the day, wherever you want.

The kids probably don’t want that...