DD refuses to eat
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
My tween DD has always been a very good eater - variety and quantity - but lately she has started refusing to eat. I’ve pretty much ignored it as long as she is doing what she’s supposed to and seems to be in a good mood otherwise. The problem is that she gets super grouchy when she’s hungry, so it can get to a bad cycle quickly where she gets mad because she’s hungry and then refuses to eat because she’s mad.
I don’t know how to manage it because I don’t want to do anything to contribute to disordered eating, and while I can force her to sit at a table with food in front of her, I can’t force feed her. I feel like she’s basically making herself miserable for no reason. I’m sure her growth is slowing, so her appetite might be decreasing naturally, but she is and has always been very thin, and I don’t want this to impact her health. Anyone else go through this? What did you do? Should I talk to her pediatrician? |
Anonymous
| Does she say why she’s not eating? Would she prefer something else or is she saying she’s just not hungry. Yes, definitely speak to the ped. Eating disorders are much, much easier to address early than late. |
Anonymous
| More details please. Will she refuse breakfast, lunch AND dinner? Does she not want what you have cooked or all food? Does she have special fun foods that she will eat? For example, yogurt. How long has this been going on? |
Anonymous
|
She likes almost everything, so I’m not sure there’s a food preference issue going on.
For the past 6 months or so (so, pre-Covid) she started refusing to eat if she is mad at me or DH. So, refuse to come to the meal, or, if we push her, sit at the table and sulk and not eat. She’d do that a little bit when she was younger, but if we put the food in front of her, she used to eat it. Now she won’t. Seems like a control thing combined with tween moodiness? Then, around mid-March, she started refusing to eat breakfast several days a week, saying she wasn’t hungry. I pushed it for about a week and then gave it up. I figured she’s home, so if she’s hungry later, she can eat then. It’s not quite the same as being stuck at school hungry. Some days I’ll make her a hot cocoa or slip her some fruit or almonds or something when she’s logged in for school. Sometimes she eats the snack, sometimes she doesn’t, but she’s skipped breakfast most days for the past month. Today, she skipped breakfast (per usual) and then refused lunch because she was mad at me for telling her to stop fighting with her older sister. I wouldn’t mind that much if she was making it up later in the day, but she’s down to a small lunch, small dinner, and no snacks. That’s way less than half of what she used to eat. I think her major growing is done - she’s close to her estimated adult height - but this doesn’t feel like normal fluctuation in appetite to me. |
Anonymous
| It could go away on its own but you absolutely can’t count on it-this is what incipient anorexia looks like. Talk to your ped ASAP, start reading up, and make family meals a priority. |
Anonymous
| How old is she. Something triggered this. |
Anonymous
| Has she recently gained a little bit of weight? Now that she’s not eating has she lost weight? |
Anonymous
She’s always been thin. I haven’t noticed any major weight changes, but she’s a jeans and baggy t-shirt kid, so it might be hard to tell. |
Anonymous
She’s 11. Which seems young to me for an eating disorder, but ... |
Anonymous
|
This calls for an immediate appointment with the pediatrician for a weight check.
Call the pediatrician first and explain what is going on. Insist that you want to get a weight check when you go in. You want to be able to use the doctor's scales to compare her weight now with the last time you went in. There is very little you could do to cause an eating disorder; however there is a lot you can to to turn things around if one has been triggered for any reason. It is always better to intervene early if it is an eating disorder. SO MUCH EASIER to reverse if you catch it early. 11 is not young for an eating disorder. It's just that it can take a couple of years for people to realize one has started, sometimes. The good news is if it IS an eating disorder, she is very young and you have time on your side. It is harder to treat a 17 year old with has an eating disorder than an 11 year old. |
Anonymous
|
At the pediatrician, get a copy of your daughters height and weight chart (or recreate it from your records over time.) See if she continues to follow her own height, weight, and BMI percentiles.
For example, you say your daughter has always been skinny. OK, so maybe she's always been 25th% for her age in weight. Is she still 25th%ile now or has she dropped to 5th %ile? |
Anonymous
|
Some good advice here. Here are three small ideas:
1) Somehow, as an aside, get in the conversation the idea that kids grow out before they grow up. (meaning, they gain a little before they use that weight to get taller). This could be said in reference to some other tween/teen. Just throw it out there so she gets the concept. That way if it's a weight issue, she can see a bigger picture. 2) Have the food ready for her when she appears in the morning. It's easy to say no to the *idea* of food, but harder to say no when it's out and warm and smelling great and ready to eat. 3) On other idea, is not to worry about breakfast so much. Especially if she is not eating grains (cereal, bread, pasta) and added sugars, and if she eats meat with the fat, and full-fat milk and eggs and nuts, her insulin will be level and she won't get grouchy etc. Since she seems to have the grouch problem (which is probably an insulin issue), just try and have onhand less grains/sugar and more things like scrambled eggs and yams etc. For instance, for breakfast my kids have scrambled eggs and 1/2 slice avocado and a couple of yam slices; sometimes bacon too. No toast, no cereal, no pancakes. It helps them stay on even keel. And now that they are at home, one doesn't have it until lunchtime and she's fine. |
Anonymous
One of my friends started dealing with her DD's anorexia at 9, but in her case there was anxiety involved. |
Anonymous
Trust your Mama Bear or Papa Bear instincts. An 11 year old girl is usually going through her peak growing years around age 10-12.
https://www.healthline.com/health/when-do-girls-stop-growing#:~:text=For%20most%20girls%2C%20puberty%20occurs,by%20age%2014%20or%2015. Do you have some reason to believe her growth is slowing right now? (Did she go through a very large growth spurt and already hut puberty?) If not -- she should be growing a LOT right now so she should be eating a LOT. You have a sense of what normal food intake is for your child. Can you look at what she is eating, and guesstimate her daily caloric intake? Trust your instincts. You know how to feed your child. If she isn't eating normally for a week, ok fine. But if this has been going on a while... be alert and pay attention. It is NOT normal for kids to just not eat. |
Anonymous
Forgot to add, there were older sisters in the house. Maybe that is where they were exposed to the idea of rejecting food. |