Is it selfish to only want 1 child?

[Anonymous]

DH is really pushing to have another child. I am perfectly content with having just one. I came from a big family, constant chaos, lack of money. No real closeness between siblings. DH is an only child and claims he was lonely, although I know his parents went out of their ways to give him a really good life. I am talking plenty of travel, excellent education. He has friends since childhood he's close too.

Having another child is just too much for me. The thought alone makes me anxious.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. 2 kids? Just ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. 2 kids? Just ugh.

What's that supposed to mean?

[Anonymous]

How old is DC now? How hands on is your DH as a parent? For example, has he watched DC alone for a week while you travelled?

[Anonymous]

It’s not selfish. You’re allowed to want what you want. But two kids is different than a big family. We have two and it’s perfect for us. Especially now! So grateful that they’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

Selfish is wanting to reproduce yourself over and over despite global overpopulation. The world needs fewer people.

[Anonymous]

Not selfish. Ask him how much child stuff he's willing to do. If it's less than 50% then no more kids for sure. My dh is one of 2 and I'm an only. I was content with an only child since I had a great childhood. He wanted two. We had another since I do like kids and my oldest was lovely. He's doing at least 50% most days of not more between diapers and dinner and reading to the oldest, bottles and cleaning supplies and laundry for the youngest. If he wasn't already doing all that for the oldest and ready to carry on the same way I wouldn't have had another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is DC now? How hands on is your DH as a parent? For example, has he watched DC alone for a week while you travelled?

DC is 6. DH is a very hands on parent. Coaches his Little League. Took him cross country to see ILs while I worked. They go camping all the time.

[Anonymous]

Having any kids is an inherently selfish decision, OP. It's not like you did your one child a favor by letting them be born.

I have two because I wanted two. My best friend is child free by choice. My other best friend is one and done. All these choices are selfish choices and that totally fine.

[Anonymous]

NOT SELFISH AT ALL!

[Anonymous]

Having 1 child is only selfish (or having any children is selfish) if you don't have a clear elder management plan for yourself and your spouse that does not involve your child ruining their life caring for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having 1 child is only selfish (or having any children is selfish) if you don't have a clear elder management plan for yourself and your spouse that does not involve your child ruining their life caring for you.

We do have a plan. We already have a retirement place purchased.

[Anonymous]

It's not selfish vis a vis your kid (making them an only/giving them a sibling). But you are prioritizing your wants over your husband's. From a certain perspective that is selfish. Of course, if you have a second, he's prioritizing his wants over yours, which makes him the selfish one. So I'm not sure that "selfishness" is the right lens through which to view the discussion.

Did he call you selfish for wanting to stop at one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NOT SELFISH AT ALL!

This times a million. Have the number of kids you feel like you can love, have patience time and attention for.

At one point I thought I wanted 3 or 4. Had #1, it was awesome. Had #2 and HOLY SHIT WOW THIS IS HARD. We're good with 2. Now things are easier (4 and 6) but those first 2-3 years were really intense and hard at time. I'm ok with the baby/toddler stage being over and done.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you see a therapist to get to the root of your anxiety regarding having another child and then make a decision. Have you known since before marriage and agreed with DH that you’d have 2 DCs? That’s a different situation.