Parents of adult children... what were your kids like in elementary school?
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Anonymous
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My DS is 10. Right now he is really into ants, Legos, piano. His favorite subject is math.
My DD is 7. Right now she is into drawing, reading and writing, playing dolls and baking. What were your kids like at this age, and what did they end up doing in life? College major and career? Would you have predicted it? |
Anonymous
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Biology major, starting vet school in the fall. Had a gap year where he assisted at an equine medical practice. Including the gap year, undergrad took him 6 years because he began as a Theater major (!) before deciding that he wanted to be a vet.
As a child, he loved bugs and animals of all types. He was good at math and science, but loved English and his friends were the drama group. He loves late 90s alternative music and has all of my old CDs. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had continued with the Theater major. He was pretty good at that too. |
Anonymous
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Elementary -- sweet, VERY into dolls; later on lots of reading esp Babysitters Club, Boxcar Children (I think?). Always liked sports but never really played which was more our fault -- non sporty immigrant family who acted like we didn't have time for it; we came from a country where organized sports just weren't a thing so I think we didn't understand why parents were spending all day Saturday on a soccer field when a very small % of kids will be soccer professionals. She still liked sports though -- played pick up games; lots of bike riding in the neighborhood. Got good grades (as much as there are grades in elementary) but never really focused on academics -- loved the social aspects of school more.
Then in 6-7th grades she discovered COMPETITION -- as in I MUST get straight As and be the top of the class. We always expected As and Bs but never pushed re academics, never scolded for a B -- this was self driven. She did well in middle school but not quite the TOP of the class -- maybe more like the top 10 kids in the 8th grade class. Not being middle school val (yes there was such a thing at her school) fueled that fire all thru high school where the ranking obsession continued. Still didn't graduate #1 (was #2 actually) but did hit her goal of an ivy. As a college kid/young adult it switched from grades to money. So ivy, JD, MBA, biglaw etc. and MANY convos are about net worth, her market investments; to be fair she has a very deep knowledge of the markets/finance. Honestly IDK how the sweet little girl with the tea set morphed into an adult who can tell you the 200 day moving avg of the market off the top of her head (and she doesn't work in finance -- she's a lawyer - but $$ is what she thinks about). She claims she's happy but I do wonder and worry sometimes. |
Anonymous
| PP I also would be surprised if my sweet doll-loving daughter became a fierce competitor! Sounds like she is financially successful though. |
Anonymous
My dd is similar! Also, her school had middle school ranking. They named Valedictorian, Salutatorian, and the rest of the top 5. There was a special science club for the top 20 kids, and dd didn’t get in. Years later when she was checking her hs rank she found out it was because she was 21st 
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Anonymous
| I'm sorry for the Biglaw parent. I was in Biglaw for almost 15 years and glad I was able to get out without any permanent damage (at least as far as I can tell) |
Anonymous
DS - Age 28. At age 10, he was in the midst of transitioning from painfully shy. He got along with everyone, but was always on the outskirts of everything. Hung out with me a lot. Played by himself a lot. Spent a lot of time shooting hoops in the driveway. Used me as a social crutch - if other kids were playing street hockey and invited him, he'd say I didn't allow him to leave the driveway. Skate boarded up and down the street. Loved to hang out in the kitchen with me. Liked music. Then triplets his age moved in across the street mid-year. They adopted him as the "fourth triplet" It was almost as if they looked him up and down and decided "You will be ALL of our best friend." They were super outgoing and made friends easily, and hauled DS along. They submitted DS to run for president, and dressed up in suits pretending to be his Secret Service staff, giving him a code name and everything. It really helped DS come out of his shell. A couple of years later I had more children. DS was given the choice to watch or not. He chose to watch. He was allowed to cut the cord. He was hooked. In high school got into a band. Started going into the city for gigs. Became known for being a drummer, wore black nail polish. Girls loved him, boys thought he was gay. He wasn't. He's a medical resident now. He's still best friends with the triplets - one lived with him for over a year. He still loves music and cooking and does both when he's either very stressed or very happy. Hasn't been shy since 10. DD - Age 25. At age 7, she was feisty and outgoing and not afraid of anything. Very strong sense of right and wrong. A little streak of wild. Loved swimming. Loved everything. One of those "good at everything" kids. Loved animals. Vaguely talked about being a vet. Became determined to get fluent in Italian and demanded her dad only speak to her in Italian. At 13 started taking the train into the city to hang out with friends. Very independent. I figured she'd go to college in NYC, but instead she went West. Has done every "abroad" opportunity she could grab. Quit swim towards the end of high school, but did it for a college gym credit and learned to swim for fun and to de-stress. She now remembers hotels by their pools. Taught her little sister to swim. Took a gap year between college and law school and traveled and worked in Europe. Is now fluent in Italian, works as a lawyer, volunteers with animals (abused animal court? I'm not sure exactly). Still goes swimming to de-stress. |
Anonymous
PP here -- we were all about buying a house in a "top" district (in NJ) as we thought it'd get kids a good education, a shot at a good college/career. We didn't expect it had to be straight As in every AP class straight into an ivy. Part of me wonders if a different school that was merely "good" and not so competitive as to be ranking middle schoolers would have been the way to go for some life balance. Our elementary school (and I think middle) had various "gifted" programs and science clubs that took the "top" kids in ELEMENTARY!? DD never made the cut for those. I never thought it bothered her because as a recent immigrant fam, IDK if she even noticed plus she was trying to get her bearings in a new country, trying to make friends, trying to just figure out American slang/mannerisms etc. And in elementary she never acted like those groups ever mattered to her. By middle school though by the time she had "figured out" the game, I think she could not stand to lose. And to the above poster -- she is financially successful, so at least as parents we don't worry about that. Hell she could probably "retire" now if she wanted to -- quit law and just pick up a regular job or be a house flipper/investor or bum around for 5 years whatever. I think we worry about her happiness. I'm not sure that this never ending race for more money is actually fulfilling to her, esp. since she doesn't live a particularly large or fancy life. It'd be different if she were working to make $$$ and then jetting off to vacations in Monaco or buying a new Rolex or jewelry or putting down a $2 mil house. The only thing she talks about wanting is a beach house and we def encourage it bc I think one should do SOMETHING to make themselves happy in life. |
Anonymous
| ^DH grew up in the kind of life PP is describing and was adamant that we NOT aspire to that for our kids. DS is only 2 so time will tell but yeah we are not aspiring to send him to the competitive top school in our region and this is one of the big reasons why; a good school, a good career -- of course. But a life where education and career and $$ matter over all else, not our first choice for him -- though we know if that's what he wants, that's what he'll pursue anyway. |
Anonymous
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Engineering major. Every single parent teacher conference EVER was some version of, "Larlo is very bright but talks too much."
He's the same sweetheart he was when he was little, though. |
Anonymous
| This is a really interesting thread. I hope more people will share! |
Anonymous
OP - haha my DS also has this, along with self control comments. |
Anonymous
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parent of older teens here. I've already experienced how the little girls have turned into something different, but of course they still have college and career in their future--still have a ways to go.
What a great thread! Parents of college and older kids...please tell us some more stories about your kids! |
Anonymous
PP, FWIW, he's since learned to leave some air in the room for others and be a good listener. 
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Anonymous
| Interesting thread, OP. DD is 19 and in college. Was never competitive as a child or teen at all, academically or in other ways. Always the kind of kid who wanted everyone to get along but who also was good at avoiding teen drama. Strong academically and very active in extracurriculars including years and years of a performing art, but zero interest in outdoing others. Chose a college based in part on the fact she wanted a collaborative vibe and not a competitive one, academically or otherwise. So in our case at least, the personality from childhood continued into teen years and into college as well, so far. |