How do you cope with the envy of a sibling?
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Anonymous
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My sister has always had everything effortlessly. She is gorgeous, popular, wafted into an Ivy League school, always landed top jobs, and is married to the perfect guy who happens to come from family money.
It's just always been this way. I was the shy bookish one; she was the superstar. We were never super close for this reason, plus age (5 year age gap). Well, I have been going through a rough patch in my life for a variety of reasons and really don't want to talk to her at all right now. I know it's childish. I just feel so envious of what she has. I actually hid her on social media but I can't avoid it when my mom goes off bragging about my sister's latest home renovation or amazing trip she's taking my parents on. My mom is also in awe of her. I just hate it!! I find myself wishing that she'd find out her husband was a cheater or something. This is awful to confess. Once, drunk at a family thing, I asked her if she was dissatisfied with anything in her life. She answered, honestly: No, not really. This still haunts me. Ugh ugh ugh. Could I go to therapy for this? Would a therapist laugh me out of the room? |
Anonymous
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1. Appreciate the good things about you. Maybe you're well read. Figure out your attributes.
2. Appreciate the good things about her that you can genuinely admire. Maybe she's wealthy but she takes you on vacations you otherwise wouldn't go on. Maybe she pays for 75% of a gift and you pay for 25% and you otherwise wouldn't get half the credit for giving such a nice gift. Whatever it is. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like your mom created a bad dynamic and plays favorites. |
Anonymous
| Oh, I’m sorry, that would drive me NUTS. You’re not crazy, I think it’s normal to be upset with that awful dynamic. |
Anonymous
| OMG you again? You are crazy. |
Anonymous
| Really shitty of your mom. You’re awesome, OP. Life is long and has many turns. Don’t feel jealous of your sister— nobody is perfect or has it easy all the time. In this case, the failings of your mom are clear as well. But again nobody is perfect. the time to honor and love yourself. |
Anonymous
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Uhg! No advice but this would be rough. I would feel the same way.
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Anonymous
A therapist would not laugh you out of the room. I think it is a good idea. The therapist will help you reframe your reactions and help you set boundaries and find your own happiness on your own terms. |
Anonymous
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Posts like this remind me that I’m not necessarily missing out not having a sister. I always felt my life would’ve been better with one.
Sorry OP |
Anonymous
| Have you posted here before about this? |
Anonymous
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Of course blame Mom. What about Dad? Maybe he does the same. This is a tale as old as time - sibling rivalry. Which the OP has not seemed to grow out of nor come to terms with in a mature way.
Why should parents be silent when an adult child has successes or happiness? I am also sure that if you asked the OP's sister what the dynamic was like growing up, maybe she'd say something like, "OP was always coddled and babied. She hated me just because I did well at something. Her jealousy made it hard for me to have a good relationship with her, she was always pouting and saying, "NO FAIR, sister always has it easy!" The problem here lies with OP and her own feelings of worth. That's not the sister's problem nor is it the mother's. If OP is feeling less-than, she needs to work that out. Throughout our lives we will meet or know many, many people that presumably have it better than us. You can't go around hating them all nor wishing something bad would happen to them just so you can feel vindicated. Including your own family members. |
Anonymous
| You need to change your mindset. Stop focusing on trying to find her failings and be proud of her. Improve yourself. |
Anonymous
Agree - especially if you had a sister like OP, who wished you ill-will simply because you wound up having a happy life. |
Anonymous
Agree with changing your mindset. Op, my older sister and I were close as children. She had severe LDs and the older she got the more aware of our differences. Not like my life was a bowl of cherries, but she resented the hell out of everything I did that she did not. It makes me sad because I wanted to be close. She has some limitations but she also has a lot of talents that she tended to undersell. She started mellowing in her 40s. But I didn’t give up on trying to have a relationship with her. We are in our 50s and I make sure to keep in touch with her especially now since we don’t live in the same state. Love yourself and you will able to love your sister. Let your love for yourself and your family squeeze out past resentments, petty jealousies. These negative thoughts are worth the brain space and are holding you back. Time for a fresh start. |
Anonymous
+2 OP fix your head, fix your focus, and you automatically fix your life. |