How do you cope with the envy of a sibling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your mom created a bad dynamic and plays favorites.

Yes, it sounds like your mom is the problem. At any rate, no therapist would laugh at you for this and therapy could really help. You don’t have to live like this, OP. Go for it!

[Anonymous]

OP: I agree that this dynamic was probably started in your youth. I have found that as I get older this jealousy door swings back-and-forth.

[Anonymous]

This is a good reason to go to therapy. Your mom sucks in this situation. This is also a good time to have some time to yourself. Don't immediately answer every text or call. Reduce the amount of stuff you share with them about your life. Back away slowly. Focus on yourself and what you want without getting their input on it.

I'd be tempted to hire someone to seduce her husband, get pictures and send them to her anonymously. Or at least I'd fantasize about doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your mom created a bad dynamic and plays favorites.

Not sure about that but OP should simply tell her mom and dad that she doesn’t want to hear or talk about the sister.

Meanwhile, find peace and happiness doing your own thing OP. There are always different people other there, including CEOs, Olympic athletes, fashion models, or multimillionaires. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this remind me that I’m not necessarily missing out not having a sister. I always felt my life would’ve been better with one.

Sorry OP

Agree - especially if you had a sister like OP, who wished you ill-will simply because you wound up having a happy life.

Most likely the parents fostered the competitiveness and animosity.

My in-laws did something similar and the sibling dynamics are bizarre

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your mindset. Stop focusing on trying to find her failings and be proud of her. Improve yourself.

I would go further - stop thinking about her altogether. Continue hiding her on social media, and focus on improving your own life. One day you’ll be satisfied with yourself and be at a place where you can feel proud of her. Then you can unhide her.

Alternative option: if she’s a nice person, why not share your feelings with her? Just the jealousy, not the ill-will. If someone told me “X, I’m really jealous of you and it’s eating me up inside” I’d probably fall all over myself pointing out all the things they’re awesome at and take every opportunity to build them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to change your mindset. Stop focusing on trying to find her failings and be proud of her. Improve yourself.

I would go further - stop thinking about her altogether. Continue hiding her on social media, and focus on improving your own life. One day you’ll be satisfied with yourself and be at a place where you can feel proud of her. Then you can unhide her.

Alternative option: if she’s a nice person, why not share your feelings with her? Just the jealousy, not the ill-will. If someone told me “X, I’m really jealous of you and it’s eating me up inside” I’d probably fall all over myself pointing out all the things they’re awesome at and take every opportunity to build them up.

^^ As part of the second suggestion, put aside your ego and ask her for advice. She sounds very successful and if she also had high EQ, she could probably give you good advice.

[Anonymous]

Yes Op, you need therapy. Your post is ugly.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate my life.. do not compare with siblings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister has always had everything effortlessly. She is gorgeous, popular, wafted into an Ivy League school, always landed top jobs, and is married to the perfect guy who happens to come from family money.
It's just always been this way. I was the shy bookish one; she was the superstar. We were never super close for this reason, plus age (5 year age gap).
Well, I have been going through a rough patch in my life for a variety of reasons and really don't want to talk to her at all right now.
I know it's childish. I just feel so envious of what she has. I actually hid her on social media but I can't avoid it when my mom goes off bragging about my sister's latest home renovation or amazing trip she's taking my parents on.
My mom is also in awe of her.
I just hate it!! I find myself wishing that she'd find out her husband was a cheater or something.
This is awful to confess. Once, drunk at a family thing, I asked her if she was dissatisfied with anything in her life. She answered, honestly: No, not really.
This still haunts me.
Ugh ugh ugh.
Could I go to therapy for this? Would a therapist laugh me out of the room?

First there is no perfect guy. Sorry, it is a myth so stop right there. Don't for a minute kid yourself into thinking all is perfect. It is NOT. I am your sister. I am the person everyone thinks has a perfect life. And I will tell you it is far from it. I have insecurities that i do not share, I have a child with a serious depression which almost no one knows about, I have a parent with Alzheimers, i share this with only a few. I had an eating disorder, most would be shocked to know the struggles i had which were born out of lack of confidence, the opposite of what most would think.

My own sister felt like you did and one day years ago we spoke about it for hours. That day our relationship changed because for the first time I fully opened up to her.We are now very close. She knows my frailties and vulnerabilities.

So please be real, you might feel envy for what is lacking in your life, but I can assure you, she has things in her life she too would like to change. Don't forget that. EVERYONE is fighting a battle.

[Anonymous]

By distancing yourself and creating your own life with your own career, hobbies and friends separate from your family of origin. It is called growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your mom created a bad dynamic and plays favorites.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. I am one of three sisters so I definitely know all about sibling rivalry. It’s terrible!

I have to agree with the other posters recommending you look into your relationship with your mom. Every time I find myself irrationally fuming at a sister, I later realize it almost always was related to something my mom had said.

And I know it’s not fair that we blame mom and not dad, but girls have a more emotionally complex relationship with their mothers and they injure us more easily, even when they don’t mean to. It’s just a fact.

You should explore this with a good friend or therapist. If you feel up to it and you think they’ll react ok, bring it up with your sister or mom. No one will think you’re crazy.

[Anonymous]

Therapy, OP. In part to cope with the poor treatment of you by your parents, who clearly favored your sister. And in part to learn to like and love yourself just as you are.

I think your sister would understand if you told her you were struggling with some things and needed some space.