Does this mean I’m not ready to have kids?
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Anonymous
| Long story (sort of) short, my husband and I did IVF a few years ago to avoid passing down a genetic condition. I am 30 and was planning to transfer one of those embryos in the fall, but now I’m going to put it off until this pandemic is largely (or completely) past us. Instead of being bummed that my fertility clinic is closed and I have to postpone getting pregnant, my husband and I find ourselves relieved to have another summer (next year) to go out and drink, get a beach house, etc. So I guess I’m wondering, is this a red flag for becoming a parent at this stage? I feel like I could be a good parent, but I’m surprised at how happy I am to postpone pregnancy for a while... does everyone feel this way before diving into parenthood? Thanks for your thoughts! |
Anonymous
| I dont think its weird and I dont think it is any comment on if you are ready (no one is ever ready - no one) I was always a little bummed we had to rush in to parenthood given our ages at marriage, I would have preferred a few years to enjoy life like you mentioned. I wouldnt worry or doubt yourself! |
Anonymous
| No, I think we all feel a little sad giving up our freedom. |
Anonymous
| I think that's totally normal--many 30yos these days are not ready to become a parent, much less during a pandemic. If you delay plans under the circumstances that seems fine, unless you plan to have like 5 spaced out kids and need to get started soon--otherwise, enjoy! |
Anonymous
| We are in such weird times that I don't think you can separate not being ready for a kid right now from not being ready for a kid during a pandemic. I think either way it is fine and you can always re-evaluate in 6 months or a year. You might find yourself more ready at that time. Having a kid is the most life-changing thing you can do so it's pretty normal to feel ambivalent about it. |
Anonymous
| Normal and actually in some ways good - you know, understand and accept that life will change big time, and some of those changes, like less free time and less disposable income, aren’t good. |
Anonymous
| You have young embryos! Take some time! Honestly this affords you a lot of time some of us didn't have. Enjoy. |
Anonymous
| Cold feet plus pandemic = obvious feelings of relief. |
Anonymous
| I’m 35 and most of my friends would feel that way. Millennials are perennial adolescents. |
Anonymous
|
Sounds like you're not ready right now. As for whether everyone feels this way....
Everyone's experience is different. People told me my ovaries would start aching at 30 and that never happened. I would have been fine not having kids. But I knew my husband wanted them, and I wasn't against having kids, so I went for it. I was terrified! It's worked out great for us. I love my kids to pieces, and my relationship with my husband is really good. Honestly, based on what I see on this site, the people who should have kids are the ones with partners who are equals, or people who fully accept that their partner can't help, and they have enough family or money to get the assistance they need. If you're ambivalent about having kids, and you think your partner won't step up, don't do it. |
Anonymous
+1 Kidults! |
Anonymous
+1 And it's normal to mourn the loss of said freedom once the reality of baby/kid sets in. |
Anonymous
| Sound like you should wait a bit, honestly. DH and I were more than ready to change things up when we had our first. |
Anonymous
I’m solidly Gen X, and I felt that way until I was in my early 30s. I was 34 when my kid was born. But I spent 10 years in college and grad school(s), so I was ready for a few years of decent sleep, lower stress, and actual paychecks before I gave up the first two, and the third went to diapers and preschool. |
Anonymous
| No it's not weird at all. I tried to go to Europe one last time when I found out I was pregnant, but was put on bed rest right away because of a high risk twins so I didn't make it. Honestly, now that my twins are almost 5, all I dream about is taking my girls to different places to travel, my husband and I really haven't missed our freedom nearly as much as we thought we would. I have been so over joyed to see the world through their eyes, my years of travel before kids sometimes seem pointless compare to when I travel with them. IVF is a stressful thing, it's completely normal to be looking forward to child free times. At the same time, having children truly have been wonderful, it's much more than I could have ever imagined... |