My husband judges my parenting skills ...

[Anonymous]

So our son and I have a routine and for a few months have done things this way and now that my husband is home more often he has noticed our morning routine and had to make a rude judgment about it. Our son awakes around 7:30am, and I go and change his diaper and give him a bottle. He his still waking up so I give him a board book and a music thing he can play with and sometimes a baby puzzle. In the morning I need to decompress. So he plays happily in his crib for about 30 -40 minutes post waking up. Then I go in and get him, and we start our morning by heading downstairs and eating breakfast etc. I caught my husband awake this morning and he made a comment about how I shouldn’t leave our son in a crib post 30 -40 minutes of waking up as he’s reading it’s not healthy. I told him next time he intrudes on our morning routine, he can take over! I told him there is nothing wrong with independent play! He’s happy and turning pages in his board book and sucking on his paci. If he isn’t crying I don’t bother him. While he’s in the crib, I brush my teeth, get coffee and read emails. Sometimes I just read emails from my bed. He thinks this isn’t ok.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great that your kid happily plays on his own for 30-40 minutes. You don’t need to entertain them all day.

But what are you decompressing from?

Do you spend quality time with him most of the day?

[Anonymous]

I always let my kids stay in their cribs after they woke up. I would go in to get them once I heard them start to fuss.

[Anonymous]

So your husband made one comment and you ran to DCUM to post how he’s judging your parenting skills.

What’s really going on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your husband made one comment and you ran to DCUM to post how he’s judging your parenting skills.

What’s really going on?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your husband made one comment and you ran to DCUM to post how he’s judging your parenting skills.

What’s really going on?

+1

Ehh...her husband made her feel guilty, and she is looking to crowd source. If DCUM doesn't flame you for it, then you are almost certainly doing nothing wrong!

[Anonymous]

OP here: I should add this isn’t the first time he has made comments about my parenting. Where he tends to look for ways I can improve. I look at him with admiration. He is a great father. I came on here because I want anyone who does this to get a clue. I stay home with our son and on top of that I am juggling graduate school. Of course I came on here to vent because I know someone out there gets it. My husband is the type to entertain our child all day and he doesn’t get that kids don’t need to be entertained all day. I do both. Indeed and interaction. He only sees this part and makes up his mind yet forgets about all the other things he’s given me credit for.

[Anonymous]

**independent and interaction**

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So our son and I have a routine and for a few months have done things this way and now that my husband is home more often he has noticed our morning routine and had to make a rude judgment about it. Our son awakes around 7:30am, and I go and change his diaper and give him a bottle. He his still waking up so I give him a board book and a music thing he can play with and sometimes a baby puzzle. In the morning I need to decompress. So he plays happily in his crib for about 30 -40 minutes post waking up. Then I go in and get him, and we start our morning by heading downstairs and eating breakfast etc. I caught my husband awake this morning and he made a comment about how I shouldn’t leave our son in a crib post 30 -40 minutes of waking up as he’s reading it’s not healthy. I told him next time he intrudes on our morning routine, he can take over! I told him there is nothing wrong with independent play! He’s happy and turning pages in his board book and sucking on his paci. If he isn’t crying I don’t bother him. While he’s in the crib, I brush my teeth, get coffee and read emails. Sometimes I just read emails from my bed. He thinks this isn’t ok.

Good for you! I'd tell him he can take over immediately or shut the eff up!

[Anonymous]

I used to feel guilty about not getting my daughter up right away until I realized I also like to lounge around in my bed for a while before getting up (on the rare chance I have that opportunity these days). So if she’s happy, I let her be.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids and I wish one of them could do that. They wake up and scream bloody murder and my heart races. Ugh

[Anonymous]

You have a great routine, OP! I also need time to myself in the morning, but my kids start at full speed. I’m jealous and think you’re doing wonderfully balancing both your son and your needs!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s great that your kid happily plays on his own for 30-40 minutes. You don’t need to entertain them all day.

But what are you decompressing from?

Do you spend quality time with him most of the day?

NP. Obviously the 24/7 pressure of being married to an ass.

[Anonymous]

Ask to see the literature DH is reading.

[Anonymous]

My DH also criticized me for “benign neglect” with DS. Meaning, I let him play independently while I did stuff (yes, I sometimes was on my phone). He was good at it unless DH was around. He was always demanding DH’s attention because Daddy was always a fun playmate. DH would get mad at me because my lack of “entertaining” him meant DH had to do more.

Prior to C19, he was getting short and snappy with 4yo DS because he was just so worn out. With no day care or activities he snapped and was cranky with DS for a few days. DH did some research and “discovered” how important independent play is.

So after 4 years he’s finally on board. He still plays with him more than I do. But he’s better about making him play by himself.