DD is nervous about committing and going to college.

[Anonymous]

We live in the PNW but all of our family is on the East coast. D d has not had the easiest time socially and thought in last fall she wanted a fresh start so she applied to schools all far away. Now that it is getting close to the deadline she is having a hard time pulling the trigger. She has narrowed her schools from 10 down to 3 - all of which are a plane ride away.

She has executive functioning challenges and unmedicated ADHD - dh's refusal to medicate so she struggles with social confidence yet is highly social. She is seeing so many people on the class of 2024's Facebook page post perfect pictures surrounded by friends and introduce themselves and seek roommates but she is petrified to do herself. She said she has joined several group chats and I try to get her to participate but I doubt she is.

Her number one school is Ohio State yet knowing that 80% of the school is from Ohio makes her nervous Even though I try and reassure her that people are looking for new friends.

She worked with a counselor to narrow down her college choices but in the end the counselor was very useless so she refuses to meet with someone over her social nervousness.

She's anxious about committing to a roommate so she will go random.

My question is how many incoming freshmen are actually "making friends" via Facebook and group chats? Will most truly be arriving on campus alone?

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

maybe different for girls but my DS has not made any new friends at his new college for the fall. He will do random roommate.

He knows one kid already at the school and one kid going from current high school but otherwise no.

So lots of people in the same position. But she will need to figure out how she will meet people - club, or sport or sorority? OSU is big and I know people who have struggled there. Maybe she can research clubs she might likie and reach out to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe different for girls but my DS has not made any new friends at his new college for the fall. He will do random roommate.

He knows one kid already at the school and one kid going from current high school but otherwise no.

So lots of people in the same position. But she will need to figure out how she will meet people - club, or sport or sorority? OSU is big and I know people who have struggled there. Maybe she can research clubs she might likie and reach out to them?

Do you think they would have struggled anywhere or did they struggle because of the environment at OSU?

[Anonymous]

Op, I know this is hard to watch in your own kid, but this sounds pretty normal to me. It’s a big deal and a big step. Yes, she will struggle some and she will make some mistakes. You have to let her work through that on her own.

[Anonymous]

When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

I would not do that. They’ll just drug her.

[Anonymous]

You make friends with the people on your corridor and the people from your classes you have lunch with.

Her anxieties are entirely 100% normal and shared by the majority of other students.

Her inability to make a decision about which college may just mean she needs to write some pros and cons lists on each of them and then compare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

If she can benefit from medication, why not try it? I wasted years avoiding medicine that eventually changed my life.

[Anonymous]

Often kids with random roommates do as well or better than those who pair themselves. It’s a time of big transition for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

I would not do that. They’ll just drug her.

NP. You mean "finally properly treat her medical condition?" God, yes, I'd hope so, since one parent thus far has prevented it and the other has stood by and allowed that to happen.

[Anonymous]

OSU is huge.

I totally understand her being anxious. From our new normal to general college anxiety.

Maybe try making the school smaller by looking at the clubs or campus organizations. Check out their Facebook pages and webpages. See if she can make a connection to something she is interested in. In other words try and make the school smaller.

Or consider community college for first two years. Nothing wrong with changing the plan.

[Anonymous]

Well, she should start by remembering that FB isn't life. It is the stuff people want to share.

If she is hesitant to go far from home, she shouldn't do it. The challenge of the big schools is that even though every resource imaginable is available, it is on the kid to reach for things. If she doesn't feel ready for that, she is probably right.

We just had a massive pandemic. If she is rethinking the decision to go far away, that isn't a bad thing. We had to solve the problem of having a kid and his stuff a thousand miles from home and it was very hard.

[Anonymous]

Did she apply to any smaller schools? Large schools can be intimidating for kids with executive functioning issues and ADHD. The larger freshman classes, lecture hall style, and the need to be self motivated is a lot for some kids. Our DD with some of those issues found the supports and community feel of smaller schools worked better for her. Like others have mentioned Ohio State is a BIG school, even among big schools.

[Anonymous]

I would never allow my son with ADHD to go to college that far away (and he is medicated). Rethink this idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in the PNW but all of our family is on the East coast. D d has not had the easiest time socially and thought in last fall she wanted a fresh start so she applied to schools all far away. Now that it is getting close to the deadline she is having a hard time pulling the trigger. She has narrowed her schools from 10 down to 3 - all of which are a plane ride away.

She has executive functioning challenges and unmedicated ADHD - dh's refusal to medicate so she struggles with social confidence yet is highly social. She is seeing so many people on the class of 2024's Facebook page post perfect pictures surrounded by friends and introduce themselves and seek roommates but she is petrified to do herself. She said she has joined several group chats and I try to get her to participate but I doubt she is.

Her number one school is Ohio State yet knowing that 80% of the school is from Ohio makes her nervous Even though I try and reassure her that people are looking for new friends.

She worked with a counselor to narrow down her college choices but in the end the counselor was very useless so she refuses to meet with someone over her social nervousness.

She's anxious about committing to a roommate so she will go random.

My question is how many incoming freshmen are actually "making friends" via Facebook and group chats? Will most truly be arriving on campus alone?

Any advice?

My DD is ADHD and anxiety, also has issues with executive functioning.
How is your DH the one refusing medication when your child may need it? Is your kid 18 yet?

Because of our DD's issues, we were realistic with her college options and only looked at schools that:

-Were within a 3-hour drive radius (given the covid situation now, we were glad we did this)
-Small, 5k kids or less
-Had a very nurturing environment
-Had a well-established transition program for Freshmen
-Had good counseling services and support groups

DD will say she has social anxiety but has connected with people via Zeemee when she was deciding where to go. She was able to get a sense of how kids are at some schools- which actually influenced which schools she even applied to.

Once she selected a school, she was at least confident that she'd be in a very accepting environment.
I had her create a FB account so she can join her college's group FB page.
She has found a group of people that she'll be suite-mates with.
If school does open in the Fall, we will definitely accompany her.

I can see why your kid would be very anxious. She has issues, no meds to help, school is a plane ride away, she's an out of state student, she hasn't gotten support from her counselor.