DD is nervous about committing and going to college.

[Anonymous]

I would defer acceptance at Ohio State and do a year of community college. Either at home in the PNW or by living with a family member out East. The latter seems like the perfect compromise in her situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

If she can benefit from medication, why not try it? I wasted years avoiding medicine that eventually changed my life.

+1 sending an unmedicated Adhd kid off to college so far away (and to a big school) does not seem like a great idea. Plus, it sounds she she has untreated social anxiety. Highly suggest a gap year to get these issues addressed and give her time so you can set her up for a positive college experience.

[Anonymous]

I would never send an unmedicated ADHD kid to Ohio State. Kids whose ADHD is not medicated often suffer socially and emotionally. Girls usually have significant anxiety.

She’s going to be overwhelmed at that large a school, Have difficulty putting herself forward to make friends and not be able to get the learning supports she needs in a class of 300 kids. She’s also unlikely to talk to the the teacher and ask for what she needs. Distance learning from such a large school would be tough.

Ohio State from the West Coast May be the worst possible choice for your kid. You said she’s struggling and wants a clean break? Sorry, but her academic, social, emotional, mental health problems will follow her here because you never dealt with them.

My kid said medication was like having a light turned on. It helped academics. But also socially and with overall happiness. If you are determined not to medicate, at least have her take a gap year, work with a therapist and executive functioning coach and reapply to appropriate schools.

[Anonymous]

If she has managed to get good grades and to get into 10 schools then her ADHD is pretty minor as it isn't impacting her academically. Most meds don't treat the social aspects of ADHD.

I am not saying she shouldn't seek treatment but normally the impact of ADHD is seen on academics. If she manages fine without medication, then taking meds may not make a huge difference for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

I would not do that. They’ll just drug her.

Do you tell diabetics not to see a doctor because they’ll just drug them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never allow my son with ADHD to go to college that far away (and he is medicated). Rethink this idea.

OP, it depends on the kid. Not all kids with ADHD are the same. If her executive function issues have more to do with organizational skills versus being impulsive/irresponsible, then I would not limit her experience by saying she can’t go far away.

[Anonymous]

Unless your daughter has a plan to get out and meet people (sports team, clubs, job) she is likely to struggle for a while relying on meeting people on her dorm floor at a big state university. The reason is that all the students are uncertain, and many who are in-state will initially cling to the handful of kids they already know. My oldest is a sophomore, and he still primarily hangs out with 4 people from high school. He expanded his circle a little with friend-of-a-friend, but for a pretty social person I'm somewhat disappointed that he hasn't taken the opportunity to get involved or make more friends not from our area. Meanwhile, many parents of out-of-state students spent a lot of time lamenting on fb how hard it was for their DC to make friends, because all the in-state kids already knew each other.

With your DD's anxiety and all of the uncertainty of schooling for the next year, I would suggest staying home one year and doing community college. Many universities are understanding of the situation and allowing delayed enrollment or transfers in.

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with Ohio State. She is going to be anxious going to any college.

If she can't function I'd send her to community college for 2 years.

Does she hold down a job know? How is she going to be able to function in the work force?

Life is about change.

[Anonymous]

Almost all kids at college meet new friends. Hanging out with a kid from high school or a boyfriend or girlfriend from high school is the exception not the norm.

I know a lot of Ohio State grads. They all made new friends at college. Midwesterners are very open to meeting new people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has managed to get good grades and to get into 10 schools then her ADHD is pretty minor as it isn't impacting her academically. Most meds don't treat the social aspects of ADHD.

I am not saying she shouldn't seek treatment but normally the impact of ADHD is seen on academics. If she manages fine without medication, then taking meds may not make a huge difference for her.

This is not true. My niece has ADHD and before meds she was impulsive and had a very difficult time making friends. On meds, she is much less impulsive and emotional, and has made friends. My mom was very against ADHD meds because she thought it was a fake diagnosis. Even she now comments on the difference in my niece, who would get in “trouble” with adults before because she didn’t filter before she spoke and would come across as rude. Or she would melt down because she would easily get overwhelmed with thought/emotions. This isn’t the case with all kids, but OP shouldn’t write off meds without trying to see how it impacts her specific kid.

[Anonymous]

My DD hasn’t posted on the FB groups yet. She hasn’t decided which school she wants to attend yet. We are strongly encouraging her to go random with roommate assignment. The school will do a much better job pairing compatible kids than a few days or weeks or superficial posting or texting will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she has managed to get good grades and to get into 10 schools then her ADHD is pretty minor as it isn't impacting her academically. Most meds don't treat the social aspects of ADHD.

I am not saying she shouldn't seek treatment but normally the impact of ADHD is seen on academics. If she manages fine without medication, then taking meds may not make a huge difference for her.

You really don’t understand how ADHD impacts smart women then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she turns 18, have her see a psychiatrist to treat her ADHD.

I would not do that. They’ll just drug her.

NP. You mean "finally properly treat her medical condition?" God, yes, I'd hope so, since one parent thus far has prevented it and the other has stood by and allowed that to happen.

Since when is ADHD a "medical" condition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never allow my son with ADHD to go to college that far away (and he is medicated). Rethink this idea.

Allow him? Isn’t he an adult? Why do mothers insist on treating their sons like juveniles? You want him living with you when he’s 40? Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in the PNW but all of our family is on the East coast. D d has not had the easiest time socially and thought in last fall she wanted a fresh start so she applied to schools all far away. Now that it is getting close to the deadline she is having a hard time pulling the trigger. She has narrowed her schools from 10 down to 3 - all of which are a plane ride away.

She has executive functioning challenges and unmedicated ADHD - dh's refusal to medicate so she struggles with social confidence yet is highly social. She is seeing so many people on the class of 2024's Facebook page post perfect pictures surrounded by friends and introduce themselves and seek roommates but she is petrified to do herself. She said she has joined several group chats and I try to get her to participate but I doubt she is.

Her number one school is Ohio State yet knowing that 80% of the school is from Ohio makes her nervous Even though I try and reassure her that people are looking for new friends.

She worked with a counselor to narrow down her college choices but in the end the counselor was very useless so she refuses to meet with someone over her social nervousness.

She's anxious about committing to a roommate so she will go random.

My question is how many incoming freshmen are actually "making friends" via Facebook and group chats? Will most truly be arriving on campus alone?

Any advice?

My DD is ADHD and anxiety, also has issues with executive functioning.
How is your DH the one refusing medication when your child may need it? Is your kid 18 yet?

Because of our DD's issues, we were realistic with her college options and only looked at schools that:

-Were within a 3-hour drive radius (given the covid situation now, we were glad we did this)
-Small, 5k kids or less
-Had a very nurturing environment
-Had a well-established transition program for Freshmen
-Had good counseling services and support groups

DD will say she has social anxiety but has connected with people via Zeemee when she was deciding where to go. She was able to get a sense of how kids are at some schools- which actually influenced which schools she even applied to.

Once she selected a school, she was at least confident that she'd be in a very accepting environment.
I had her create a FB account so she can join her college's group FB page.
She has found a group of people that she'll be suite-mates with.
If school does open in the Fall, we will definitely accompany her.

I can see why your kid would be very anxious. She has issues, no meds to help, school is a plane ride away, she's an out of state student, she hasn't gotten support from her counselor.

You people are acting like somone is putting a gun to her head to go there. OP said it's HER NUMBER ONE SCHOOL. Gee... she must like it....

Maybe she WANTS to go to school across the country from her parents.