Managing everyone in the same household

[Anonymous]

How's everyone doing with everyone being in the same house? I will probably be working from home until the late fall and want to take this time to enjoy some extra time with my toddler then I have a little down time and am working from home, but need the nanny to function in my job. DCis getting adjusted to the arrangement, but gets clingy when I am around. My nanny was just a little snarky with me about it which is frustrating. I understand staying out of her way, but don't want to be hiding from DC, tiptoeing in my own home for several months. I think we should work more DC adjusting to this new normal. Any tips?

[Anonymous]

If I were on a new job and I wanted to make it work, I would not be snarky. You need to think about how much your nanny is committed to the job when you are trying so hard. Are you ok with you giving 180% while she does 20% to make it work?

After having nannies for 10 years (my kids are older now) my lesson learned was that I stepped up and done my job as a manager. She is the employee. I avoided a lot of difficult conversations and at the end, the person who paid for the lack of effort on the part of nannies was me and my family.

[Anonymous]

*I should have stepped up*

[Anonymous]

Good advice. I need to be clearer about what I need. She is great with DC, but a little set in her ways.

[Anonymous]

Are you serious?!

No nanny wants to work with a sahp. No nanny. We’re putting up with it now due to the current situation.

You know your child gets clingy. So stay out of view. This is not something that’s going to change in the near future, and it’s not worth the headache to the nanny or the confusion and upset for your child.

Set up specific times during the day when you will be out and about. Those times should coincide with lunch, nap or outside time.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I get that no nanny “wants” me home, but obviously I have no choice and this is an exception. I have been staying in my office except for naps and outside time and am trying to phase in eating lunch with them bc I need to eat too and do not want to be held captive for such a long time. Being snarky in an extraordinary circumstance isn’t helpful.

[Anonymous]

But it isn’t working for your kid. Don’t eat lunch and put him down for a nap - that’s her job.

[Anonymous]

OP either let the nanny do her job or let her go home and pay her. I think you've got this a little backwards here.

[Anonymous]

These are stressful and worry-filled times for everyone. I would let a little “snarky-ness” go at this point. A good manager has to be understanding and lead through example.

You need to stay positive and in the solution, OP. Address issues with this difficult arrangement the moment they occur.

[Anonymous]

You should have immediately asked her(after the snarky comment) “What’s wrong, Mary?”

Find a solution with your child’s nanny on how to make this difficult situation work. Set a schedule and stick to it (this is for your child’s sake - your child is clingy and whiny because he doesn’t know when you’re going to disappear again). Make your employee part of the solution.

And remember that she should be judged on how she cares for and teachers your child. It’s your home but it’s her workplace. She is your child’s nanny and not your nanny. Her work frustrations are not a reflection of you as a mother so do not take it personally.


And I echo the above: these are unique and stressful times for everyone. Everyone has to bend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were on a new job and I wanted to make it work, I would not be snarky. You need to think about how much your nanny is committed to the job when you are trying so hard. Are you ok with you giving 180% while she does 20% to make it work?

After having nannies for 10 years (my kids are older now) my lesson learned was that I stepped up and done my job as a manager. She is the employee. I avoided a lot of difficult conversations and at the end, the person who paid for the lack of effort on the part of nannies was me and my family.

That you had “nannies” rather than one nanny for ten years is a bit troubling.

For the welfare of your child, OP, take advice from parents who employed just one nanny for the duration.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been a WAHM with a FT nanny for 2 kids for almost 6 years. Right now is more extreme than normal, but it is possible to make this work without being a hostage in your home-office.

I think you just need to address this with your kids' nanny. For our nanny, the thing that helps the most is that I don't ever undermine her when she's in charge. So if the kids ask me for something or are clearly not listening to her in favor of getting my attention, I defer back to her, "You need to do what <Nanny> says." This is similar to what I would do if DH were interacting with the kids. There have been times when I've gotten into work rhythms that made it harder to manage the kids, and she was honest and we just talked through them and figured out a solution.

That being said, toddlers are clingy...and they will usually cling to whomever is not in charge. That's just a developmental phase. Your nanny should not make you feel like a prisoner in your own house, nor should she be unequipped to deal with what is pretty normal toddler behavior. It doesn't sound like this is clearly an issue, though, since it's just a single incident (based on your OP). Address it before it becomes a big deal, and you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were on a new job and I wanted to make it work, I would not be snarky. You need to think about how much your nanny is committed to the job when you are trying so hard. Are you ok with you giving 180% while she does 20% to make it work?

After having nannies for 10 years (my kids are older now) my lesson learned was that I stepped up and done my job as a manager. She is the employee. I avoided a lot of difficult conversations and at the end, the person who paid for the lack of effort on the part of nannies was me and my family.

That you had “nannies” rather than one nanny for ten years is a bit troubling.

For the welfare of your child, OP, take advice from parents who employed just one nanny for the duration.

DP. It's pretty rare to have the same nanny for 10 years. Stop being a sanctimonious jerk.

[Anonymous]

We and the nanny are on the same page and always present a united front to the kids. If we disagree we discuss it away from them.

[Anonymous]

Have some set times for "pop ins" so that it is part of the routine and not a disruption.

Like, 10:30 or so every day, you'll come out of your office for a cup of coffee and some hugs and check-ins.

Make it a routine. Make it part of the day, so that nanny and kid alike know what to expect from you.