Does your DH make any couple friends?

[Anonymous]

DH and I have been married 26 years. For the first 5 years he became friends with people at his work and then the spouses became friends. We would BBQ, hike, happy hour etc... with other couples.

We then moved out of the area and had kids and I was the one making friends. He said it was hard to make friends at his job because he was now a manager.
It was easy for me as I made friends with moms at preschool and elementary school.

Now our kids are older and I substitute teach at 6 different schools part time so I don't make work friends. I have lost my elementary school mom friends due to their divorce, drama that happened to my daughter in middle school (I was friends with my Dd's friends' moms) they moved away or we just slowly faded.

DH hasn't made a single friend we became couple friends with for 20 years, and honestly, I'm socially exhausted. I have stopped making an effort and it reflects that we no longer have friends as we spent the last year's worth of holidays alone. I think about my DDs wedding in like 5-8 years and wouldn't have anyone but family to invite.

Is anyone else like me?

Am i expecting too much for my husband to make friends and stop relying on me for a social life?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are.

You're about not having a big group at your daughter's hypothetical wedding. Insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are.

You're about not having a big group at your daughter's hypothetical wedding. Insane.

/thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are.

You're about not having a big group at your daughter's hypothetical wedding. Insane.

/thread

You doubt you have any friends, too.

But you probably feel good about yourself now that you attacked the OP.
NICE.

[Anonymous]

Does he have hobbies? Does he do anything where he could make friends?

[Anonymous]

You say he hadn't made couple friends...but has he made friends? What has stopped those friends from being couple friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are.

You're about not having a big group at your daughter's hypothetical wedding. Insane.

/thread

You doubt you have any friends, too.

But you probably feel good about yourself now that you attacked the OP.
NICE.

I have a robust social life and I don't rely on my spouse to be my social wet nurse.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. My DH does not expend any effort to make friends either.

He has no hobbies or other interests which would allow him to meet others. Quite frankly, he's a critical person and I think having that personality type does not easily make friends, period.

The friends we have are essentially my friends - those I've had for decades, those I've made at work, those I've made here in the neighborhood.

The reality is as we age our circle of friends does diminish. I like to look at it as quality over quantity. If you have at least one good friend, you are good!

I know you were just making a point, but as for your daughter's wedding (some day) be glad if it's a small affair! Who needs to pay for a bunch of people at a wedding when you may only speak to them for 15 seconds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married 26 years. For the first 5 years he became friends with people at his work and then the spouses became friends. We would BBQ, hike, happy hour etc... with other couples.

We then moved out of the area and had kids and I was the one making friends. He said it was hard to make friends at his job because he was now a manager.
It was easy for me as I made friends with moms at preschool and elementary school.

Now our kids are older and I substitute teach at 6 different schools part time so I don't make work friends. I have lost my elementary school mom friends due to their divorce, drama that happened to my daughter in middle school (I was friends with my Dd's friends' moms) they moved away or we just slowly faded.

DH hasn't made a single friend we became couple friends with for 20 years, and honestly, I'm socially exhausted. I have stopped making an effort and it reflects that we no longer have friends as we spent the last year's worth of holidays alone. I think about my DDs wedding in like 5-8 years and wouldn't have anyone but family to invite.

Is anyone else like me?

Am i expecting too much for my husband to make friends and stop relying on me for a social life?

I think you need a full-time job if you are concerned about things like this. And it seems odd that all of your mom friendships have fizzled out. Think about why that happened and try to fix it.

Don't you have family to spend holidays with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say he hadn't made couple friends...but has he made friends? What has stopped those friends from being couple friends?

He used to make friends 20+ years ago. But hasn't made friends since we moved 20 years ago. He relies on me for his social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he hadn't made couple friends...but has he made friends? What has stopped those friends from being couple friends?

He used to make friends 20+ years ago. But hasn't made friends since we moved 20 years ago. He relies on me for his social life.

But it doesn't sound like you have friends now so is he content with that? Or is he on your case to make new friends on his behalf? Does he have any hobbies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married 26 years. For the first 5 years he became friends with people at his work and then the spouses became friends. We would BBQ, hike, happy hour etc... with other couples.

We then moved out of the area and had kids and I was the one making friends. He said it was hard to make friends at his job because he was now a manager.
It was easy for me as I made friends with moms at preschool and elementary school.

Now our kids are older and I substitute teach at 6 different schools part time so I don't make work friends. I have lost my elementary school mom friends due to their divorce, drama that happened to my daughter in middle school (I was friends with my Dd's friends' moms) they moved away or we just slowly faded.

DH hasn't made a single friend we became couple friends with for 20 years, and honestly, I'm socially exhausted. I have stopped making an effort and it reflects that we no longer have friends as we spent the last year's worth of holidays alone. I think about my DDs wedding in like 5-8 years and wouldn't have anyone but family to invite.

Is anyone else like me?

Am i expecting too much for my husband to make friends and stop relying on me for a social life?

I think you need a full-time job if you are concerned about things like this. And it seems odd that all of your mom friendships have fizzled out. Think about why that happened and try to fix it.

Don't you have family to spend holidays with?

Two got divorced and left their married life behind, five moved away
I lost four friends due to middle school drama. (I was friends with my daughter's friends'moms.). Several have faded away.

Our family is 2500 miles away.
I started making friends at DD's after school sport, but there was a safety concern and DH decided she should switch to a new place that is less social.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he hadn't made couple friends...but has he made friends? What has stopped those friends from being couple friends?

He used to make friends 20+ years ago. But hasn't made friends since we moved 20 years ago. He relies on me for his social life.

But it doesn't sound like you have friends now so is he content with that? Or is he on your case to make new friends on his behalf? Does he have any hobbies?

It has been up to me to make friends. I was the one who got to know other women and then invited the couple to happy hour or hiking or dinner etc...

You are right, I don't have friends now. We haven't been out with another couple since last summer. I'm burned out trying to do it all for a social life. DH goes to work, eats lunch with peers and then comes home and watched sci fi. Weekends we stay home unless I initiate. I'm just done with DH tagging along putting in no effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say he hadn't made couple friends...but has he made friends? What has stopped those friends from being couple friends?

He used to make friends 20+ years ago. But hasn't made friends since we moved 20 years ago. He relies on me for his social life.

But it doesn't sound like you have friends now so is he content with that? Or is he on your case to make new friends on his behalf? Does he have any hobbies?

It has been up to me to make friends. I was the one who got to know other women and then invited the couple to happy hour or hiking or dinner etc...

You are right, I don't have friends now. We haven't been out with another couple since last summer. I'm burned out trying to do it all for a social life. DH goes to work, eats lunch with peers and then comes home and watched sci fi. Weekends we stay home unless I initiate. I'm just done with DH tagging along putting in no effort.

The problem is that it sounds like DH is content. You're not going to be able to force him to make couple friends if he's happy with his current social situation. If YOU want friends, YOU have to make them. It doesn't have to be couple friends. Join an activity related to your own hobby and make friends. It sounds like much of your life was tied up in your daughter. So now is time to do stuff for yourself. Obviously can't do much now, but what are your own hobbies?

[Anonymous]

You can't change your husband. You may just have to accept life without couple friends. At the same time, you can still make friends yourself outside of work. And then maybe invite your friend and their partner over for dinner - you never know. I know making new friends can be exhausting - but it's worth it. Sometimes having regular groups can be enough - a book club, a church Bible study, the 5am class at your gym (though these days everything is virtual!).