DH doesnt like me to suggest he do things with the kids
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Anonymous
| DH just snapped at me because I asked if he wanted to join me and the kids watch a movie tonight. He cant because he has to finish work but I didn't know that. He said he doest like how I "volunteer" him to do things with the kids, which then makes him have to be the bad guy and say no. He has said this before when I suggested to the kids to ask their dad to do something with them. He also said I seem to be oddly fixated with wanting him to watch movies with us (because I asked him last week too). I thought family movie night was a common thing! I think he feels bad about not spending as much time with us as he wants and is taking it out on me. He says I'm overly sensitive. It makes me feel bad that DH gets angry when I am just trying to include him as I usually plan family/kid activities. So who do you think is right? |
Anonymous
| Stop bugging him when he needs to work. |
Anonymous
| My guess is it is more your delivery than the actual asking. |
Anonymous
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OP, he will join if he as time to join. You said he has to finish work, it's not like he's just relaxing on his own.
You don't sound like you work or have many demands outside of the kids. |
Anonymous
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OP, something tells me that your "including him" is a passive aggressive way of telling him that he's not spending enough time with the kids.
Find a better way. He probably has to do a lot to support your family and you're not helping with your attitude. |
Anonymous
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Well - don't ask him in front of the kids
I think he has a point I think he has a good point about that - even if other behavior of his should change |
Anonymous
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His anger may partly reflect his own guilt. Many of us cannot/do not spend as much time with our kids as we want.
This approach may not be the best way to get him to do what you want. |
Anonymous
| he sounds stressed out - is he still working? or is he now unemployed? folks are dealing with lots of stressors right now so even seemingly innocuous 'requests' can seem (feel) daunting and like piling on. |
Anonymous
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I'm on Team Dad.
Don't micromanage/police his interactions with the family or the just the kids. Agree with pp that it's probably your delivery, not the message. A common mistake is for women to try to make "helpful suggestions" for when/how dads interact with the children. It's patronizing and does invite resentment. |
Anonymous
| Leave the poor man alone. |
Anonymous
| I'm a dad. If a dad can't find 2 hours to watch a movie with his his family once a week, he's the problem. |
Anonymous
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You need to change your approach since what you are doing is sending out an unintended message to him. If you are just trying to inform him of what you are doing to see if he is interested, then you approach and ask him if he has to work tonight. If he says yes, then you say, okay and go back to the kids. If he says no, you can tell him that you and the kids are watching such and such if he is interested in joining you. This way you don't imply that he should be spending more time with the kids and you don't put on the guilt factor if he says he is working.
Sometimes just changing the way you convey information can solve a problem. |
Anonymous
It’s getting the same times to line up that is the issue, not the finding 2 hours part. I get up at 4:30 every morning to get personal stuff done, it would be ideal if my kids got up at the time but they don’t. I am in sales and customers typically need a proposal quickly, if they need it by the next morning and I have to consult with team on west coast, that typical means I am working through the evening. |
Anonymous
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The stress is obviously getting to him. STOP with the movie invites. Go about your day/week/month and notice when he joins in on the kid fun.
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Anonymous
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I think he is in the wrong here.
I have to make suggestions to my spouse or they literally won't do anything with DD. When I make suggestions though it goes better. How much time does he spend with the kids on a weekly basis, actually doing something with them? |