DH doesnt like me to suggest he do things with the kids

[Anonymous]

Just ignore him then. Don’t count on him to join anything and be pleasantly surprised when he does. Maybe if you stop asking him he’ll get lonely and join.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me that in her original post OP did say she ASKed him to join them in family movie night. She isn't dictating that he spend time with them. So all these posts about "change your approach" are useless; she's already asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well -don't ask him in front of the kids

I think he has a point
I think he has a good point about that
- even if other behavior of his should change

That's really changing the burden. The DH should be able to tell the kids no, I can't watch because I'm working, but I'll do XYZ with you later. It is NOT the OP's job to manage how he's presented to his kids. It is his job. And yes, kids will notice if he says no all the time, as they should. And they shouldn't have to confront their mom about it and blame her for not asking him to join them. He needs to own up to his own priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me that in her original post OP did say she ASKed him to join them in family movie night. She isn't dictating that he spend time with them. So all these posts about "change your approach" are useless; she's already asking.

The asking needs to happen out of ear shot of the kids. It should not be mentioned to the kids or brought up in front of the kids prior to discussing it with the other parent. Otherwise the one suggesting is always the 'positive' parent and the one declining the 'negative' parent.

[Anonymous]

And yep. Dcum blaming the woman again! At elast most pps are. So predictable. What is he working till midnight? He can't politely say something? He can't watch a movie with his kids and his wife? He is an a**holes so she has to walk on eggshells? Nope, OP tell him that he is an a**hole.

[Anonymous]

Imagine a dad suggesting on his own to his kids that they watch a movie? Then, he and the kids sitting down and watching a movie? While I relax and do what I want? Just imagine? Imagine a dad asking his dd if she is up for a trip to NYC? Just the two of them? While I rest at home? Yep, there are dad like that, I married one! He wasn't always like that. But, hey, I wasn't a push over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine a dad suggesting on his own to his kids that they watch a movie? Then, he and the kids sitting down and watching a movie? While I relax and do what I want? Just imagine? Imagine a dad asking his dd if she is up for a trip to NYC? Just the two of them? While I rest at home? Yep, there are dad like that, I married one! He wasn't always like that. But, hey, I wasn't a push over.

Imagine you aren't the only one. Just the only one bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad. If a dad can't find 2 hours to watch a movie with his his family once a week, he's the problem.

Disagree. I hate movie night. Will happily play legos or ride bikes for hours, but I don't want my family or down time assigned to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems to me that in her original post OP did say she ASKed him to join them in family movie night. She isn't dictating that he spend time with them. So all these posts about "change your approach" are useless; she's already asking.

She said it was the second time she asked in a week and assumed everyone has family movie night. My thing is that that there are so many things that you have to do with kids regarding food, laundry, school, activities etc, on top of the work grind that when it is downtime a parent should be able to pick the things they enjoy and share it with their kids and not have to make it a family activity with both parents. Have the one thing that is the family thing that both parents agree that they enjoy and is important. That can look different for each family. The rest, just focus on what you enjoy doing with the kids and let the other parent do the same.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing Op is asking to be whiny, and has the intent of making the father look bad. Of course he would know he's invited. He doesn't need her to point out, once again, that he's unavailable.

[Anonymous]

I say do your thing and leave him out. I plan plenty of things without my husband. Sometimes he joins, sometimes he doesn't. His relationship with our small kids is his alone to mange. Oddly, i spend more time with the kids and do many activities but my kids like dad more. I enforce a few more rules but his quality time with them is different and they enjoy it.

I would be upset if my husband planned activities for me to do with the kids. This actually happened once and i read him the riot act. He has since learned dont rsvp to a party unless you intend to take them and don't buy them tix for any movie, play center or museum unless you are taking them. He learned that in year 3 of parenthood with our oldest.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just watch movies on the weekends when he's not working? I'm sure he doesn't have anywhere to go then.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you say that you think family time is important, and let him pick the occasions/context

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a dad. If a dad can't find 2 hours to watch a movie with his his family once a week, he's the problem.

Disagree. I hate movie night. Will happily play legos or ride bikes for hours, but I don't want my family or down time assigned to me.

You have no down time as a parent. Need to man-up and not be such a beta.