Found great guy, but don't think I'm ready

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing a guy who so far seems great. We have a lot in common and great sex. Things have progressed a lot more quickly than I was expecting. I really was just looking to date casually when I met him. However we are both developing feelings for each other. The thing is I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship. I have a lot of emotional trauma I need to work through. I have a lot of traits that are not good for a relationship, like fear of abandonment and poor communication. Do I keep this thing going? I'm feeling nervous like I'm just going to disappoint him, when I can't function to the level I need to as a girlfriend because of my unresolved issues.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you talk to him about it?

I was in the same boat as you, and we had lots of conversations about it. He was more than happy to do what was needed to ensure we had a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

OMG
Get over yourself

[Anonymous]

Some people heal us. Give this a chance and don’t overthink it.

[Anonymous]

You think too much! Geez just go with the flow..

[Anonymous]

Troll. Too general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you talk to him about it?

I was in the same boat as you, and we had lots of conversations about it. He was more than happy to do what was needed to ensure we had a good relationship.

+1

I was one month out of a very abusive LTR when I went on a date with the guy I end up marrying. I told him I was using him for sex. Four weeks later we both knew we'd be married. 12 years later now. We have survived stuff together that would have ended most marriages. There are things I'd change, but overall, it works.

When you know, you know.

[Anonymous]

OP I was just at the receiving end of a similar relationship (only we are both female) and she broke it off with me because of fears that sound very similar to yours. And I was totally willing to give whatever time, space, and support she needed to feel comfortable. It was heartbreaking and frustrating.

Please don’t worry about functioning at a particular level as a girlfriend. Just be yourself. If he is into you, and I suspect he is, and if he is worth it, he will be patient and willing to work with you even if you think the traits you possess are not good for a relationship. You may surprise yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was just at the receiving end of a similar relationship (only we are both female) and she broke it off with me because of fears that sound very similar to yours. And I was totally willing to give whatever time, space, and support she needed to feel comfortable. It was heartbreaking and frustrating.

Please don’t worry about functioning at a particular level as a girlfriend. Just be yourself. If he is into you, and I suspect he is, and if he is worth it, he will be patient and willing to work with you even if you think the traits you possess are not good for a relationship. You may surprise yourself.

Thank you for this. I really care for him. Before I fall in love, I always know before it happens, and I feel that way about him. I will try and talk with him and give him a choice of whether he wants to give it a shot in light of all my stuff.

[Anonymous]

If a girl was posting saying she met a guy but he had a lot of emotional issues including fear of abandonment and poor communication, people would be telling her to stay away.

To be in healthy relationship, you don't need to be perfect or have everything figured out but you need to be healthy enough yourself that you can be healthy in a relationship. It isn't really fair to the other person to drag them into an emotional mess. It sounds like you aren't sure if you are emotionally healthy enough to be in this relationship. That might be something to talk to a therapist about to get a sense of how your current issues might impact you in a relationship.

You also need to absolutely let him know where you are at so he can make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to take on your emotional needs and issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you talk to him about it?

I was in the same boat as you, and we had lots of conversations about it. He was more than happy to do what was needed to ensure we had a good relationship.

+1

I was one month out of a very abusive LTR when I went on a date with the guy I end up marrying. I told him I was using him for sex. Four weeks later we both knew we'd be married. 12 years later now. We have survived stuff together that would have ended most marriages. There are things I'd change, but overall, it works.

When you know, you know.

Sorry but you sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Hey, the world is falling apart right now. Just grab your chance, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you talk to him about it?

I was in the same boat as you, and we had lots of conversations about it. He was more than happy to do what was needed to ensure we had a good relationship.

+1

I was one month out of a very abusive LTR when I went on a date with the guy I end up marrying. I told him I was using him for sex. Four weeks later we both knew we'd be married. 12 years later now. We have survived stuff together that would have ended most marriages. There are things I'd change, but overall, it works.

When you know, you know.

Sorry but you sound crazy.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Why are you even dating? Go work on yourself, become a healthy person, THEN find a partner. Not fair to the guy at all.

[Anonymous]

Have you sought therapy for the traumas you mentioned? My soon to be fiancé really encouraged me to seek therapy when I needed it and it has been so helpful. My guy was also willing and happy to take things as slowly as I needed to.