Spouse and I do not agree on child waking up at night
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Our child is six years old and never had an issue sleeping through the night until two years ago. Suddenly, she would wake up every night around 3-4am for 6-7 months and come into our bedroom. Both of us would wake up and I would just walk her back to her bedroom and sleep in her room. The problem is, most nights my spouse was unable to fall back to sleep. I am a stay at home parent and my spouse works 50-60 hours a week. We are fairly well off so I understand the need for sleep for my spouse (work wise). But, I don't think waking us up at night is such a big deal. My spouse disagrees.
A year ago my spouse got angry one night and screamed at our child for waking us up. After that night our child slept through the night (or at least did not wake us up) for almost a year straight. Only when she was ill or not feeling well would she wake us. But, overall 99% of the time she went back to sleep if she woke up. Last night she started waking us up again and two weeks ago she woke us up four times in one week. Now, my spouse is frustrated and angry again. We disagree on the problem. I think our child is only six and it's not a big deal. My spouse feels every night I go to sleep with her when she wakes us up it is supporting her behavior. Therefore, I am not supporting my spouse and our need for sleep. I will admit being a stay at home parent has its advantages. I don't need to focus on work all day and have less outside responsibilities. But, I do take care of the house and oversee our child's schooling, etc. This has become a nonstop argument. What is the big deal if a six year old wakes up her parents at night? The kid is six! Am I missing something? |
Anonymous
| You are both right to a degree. A working spouse has a right to sleep, especially if only one spouse is working. However, a 6 year old kid will wake up. That's just being a kid. Both of you have some merit. The problem I see if you both need to be on the same page in raising your kid. Parents cannot have two ways of raising children. It will cause hell. |
Anonymous
|
She's six. Tell her to sleep in her own bed.
Bribe her. For every night she sleeps through the night in her own bed, you'll have the energy to play X with her etc and if she can go a whole week, then it's a movie night of her choosing! Change the incentives to match your kid. If she's 6, she's getting close to the sleepover years. Not sleeping alone in her own bed will cut her out of that circuit. (Which might not be a bad thing to a parent! But it might motivate the kid to sleep alone.) I SAHM and I get nutty if people wake me up at night for no good reason. |
Anonymous
| OP here. She already sleeps over at her grandmother's house. So she is able to sleep. I just don't see the big deal when she wakes us up at night. My spouse acts as if she's committing murder. |
Anonymous
Because per your own post, your spouse has trouble falling back asleep and you do not. Also, your spouse has to make a living to support you. You’ve written that they need to be able to concentrate at their job. Your spouse is correct in this situation. |
Anonymous
| Why does she wake you up? Is she ready to start the day? If she's ready to be up for the day then put her to bed later. Sounds like it's just habit. Time to have a talk with her and let her know she needs to stay in her room. Your spouse is correct. If spouse has to work all day then spouse needs sleep. Six is too old for getting up in the night. |
Anonymous
| I’m a woman and I have trouble going back to sleep after being woken up in the middle of the night. Dh is snoring a second after we finish talking. Not being able to sleep when you want to sleep (and the accompanying exhaustion that follows) is pure torture. Thank goodness my dh understands me even if he can’t relate. You sound purely selfish. If it’s that important to you that you can’t let her sleep on her own, you should sleep in a guest room or in your daughters room every night. |
Anonymous
| Your husband is telling you that he can’t handle being woken up. His needs are valid and should be respected. Go sleep I need your daughter’s room every night if you don’t think there is any issue with her waking up to wake you. |
Anonymous
|
Your dd's behavior is developmentally appropriate. Your dh should wear ear plugs or you guys should play a headspace app/sleep radio setting very loud. Ask your dd to just wake you up and not him.
Your dd can work on this but it is unrealistic to think it will never happen or to not recognize that kids go through stages. This is parenting. Your dh's sleep needs are also very real and should be respected. Finding the compromise of how to let him sleep uninterrupted is the key. |
Anonymous
|
Not cool, op. I’m a SAHM with a kid who wakes up somewhat often. In our house though, dh usually sleeps through it and I’m the one up the rest of the night. It’s awful. Sleep deprivation is debilitating. You are being so disrespectful to your dh.
We started laying out a nap mat for my dd, so she’s allowed to come in the room and sleep there, but she can’t wake mommy up. It’s helping. Figure something out, but do not continue to allow her to wake your husband up every night. That is not acceptable. |
Anonymous
| Your spouse has explained why this is an actual problem for him - he can’t go back to sleep. Team husband 100% |
Anonymous
This. So inconsiderate. You are coddling your child at the expense of your husband's well-being. Your DD needs to get out of this behavior and not wake you unless there is a serious problem. If you don't solve the problem with bribes or whatever, your marriage will suffer and your husband will resort to the yelling solution (and I wouldn't blame him!). |
Anonymous
| Separate rooms and kid comes to you, not him, at night. |
Anonymous
| You stay at home, you have one child who is in school all day, no wonder you don’t think waking up in the night is a problem. |
Anonymous
|
She’s six. If she doesn’t need anything, she is too old to wake you guys up. Team DH. If he is ok with it, put a pallet at the end of your bed and tell her she is welcome to sleep there provided she does not wake you up.
Thinking your working spouse is wrong for not wanting his six year old to wake him up nightly is crazy. |