Spouse and I do not agree on child waking up at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dd's behavior is developmentally appropriate. Your dh should wear ear plugs or you guys should play a headspace app/sleep radio setting very loud. Ask your dd to just wake you up and not him.

Your dd can work on this but it is unrealistic to think it will never happen or to not recognize that kids go through stages. This is parenting.

Your dh's sleep needs are also very real and should be respected.

Finding the compromise of how to let him sleep uninterrupted is the key.

Every night for a 6yo is not developmentally appropriate. This is a habit encouraged by OP.

[Anonymous]

Why would she WAKE you up? She is not a toddler. Team DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not cool, op. I’m a SAHM with a kid who wakes up somewhat often. In our house though, dh usually sleeps through it and I’m the one up the rest of the night. It’s awful. Sleep deprivation is debilitating. You are being so disrespectful to your dh.

We started laying out a nap mat for my dd, so she’s allowed to come in the room and sleep there, but she can’t wake mommy up. It’s helping. Figure something out, but do not continue to allow her to wake your husband up every night. That is not acceptable.

This. So inconsiderate. You are coddling your child at the expense of your husband's well-being. Your DD needs to get out of this behavior and not wake you unless there is a serious problem. If you don't solve the problem with bribes or whatever, your marriage will suffer and your husband will resort to the yelling solution (and I wouldn't blame him!).

This. I’m also a SAhM that cant fall back asleep. It’s awful. If your child is writhing in pain, it’s one thing. If they wake you up because they want to be near you, that’s not okay. Your child needs to learn to respect boundaries for others and be considerate of others needs. They aren’t a baby. You need to lay down the law more. Team DH

[Anonymous]

Did the kid actually sleep through the night after your husband yelled at her or did she continue to wake up but was too scared to get out of bed because he yelled at them?

[Anonymous]

Not only is it inconsiderate of you to not think it's a big deal that your husband is not sleeping, but you are also teaching your DD bad habits. Apparently she was totally fine sleeping on her own after dad got onto her. Follow his lead. He needs sleep and so does your DD. I'm assuming she is in school. She needs to sleep through the night.

[Anonymous]

Reading between the lines I see this: for you it's not a big deal to lose sleep so you assume it's not a big deal for him. That's your problem. Reverse roles and see how you feel. Get a full time job and let him stay at home. I bet you my house you will feel differently about your kid waking everyone up. Sleep is very important. I mean seriously. It's very important. People go crazy from lack of sleep, why do you think your husband is angry? LOL.

[Anonymous]

Almost this exact situation is happening to us with our 7 year old - but he's been a perfect sleeper in his room for 7 years, then started coming to our room in the middle of the night a couple of months ago.

We can't get him to explain what's driving this. Spouse can't fall back asleep if he comes into our bed.

I can sleep anywhere, anytime.

So when he comes to our room, I take him back to his room and sleep with him there for the rest of the night.

I get some extra cuddles, spouse gets a good sleep.

Just wanted to provide a data point.

[Anonymous]

This is why people think SAHMs are dumb...

[Anonymous]

It's a big god damn deal. My kids slept alone their whole lives. What a nightmare having a kid that could come in and terrorize you any night! I'd have PTSD from that!!! My kid came in once or twice in the past two years (he is currently almost 7) and I couldn't sleep soundly for up to a week after each incident. My older child used to pee his bed about once a week and I would snap awake at 2am at night thinking I heard footsteps almost every night in fear that he peed his bed. Get these little crappers in their own beds for gods sake!

[Anonymous]

Our 4 year old is going thru a phase of waking us up at night. She will come in our room at 4 to say something like the neighbors outside light is on or she heard a dog bark. We’ve let her know that if she can’t sleep, fine. She’s allowed to turn her light on and play in her room. She can leave her room to use the bathroom as needed. She is NOT to wake us up for a non-urgent reason. We got a big digital clock and said when the first number is 6, she can come in our room. If she wakes us up before that for no reason, she looses some screen time or another privilege. Working parents need sleep. Period. I also can’t fall back asleep. It is soul-sucking.
I don’t get mad and yell but firmly and calmly let her know the expectations.

[Anonymous]

Completely on the side of DH. Have gone through phases of constant sleep interruption and basically ended up getting fired from a job for it. Was in a constant fog for about a year and my performance suffered greatly.

OP I’m not saying this will happen to your husband. However if he needs a certain amount of sleep to function well and perform at his cushy well paying job (which lets you be a SAHM) I would suggest you help resolve this issue ASAP and see things from his perspective.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse wins because they have to go to work and you are being completely insensitive to their need for sleep. They’re right, that every time you go back with your child you are enabling their behavior. I’m not supporting yelling at your child, but come up with a reward system for them to stay in bed. And for crying out loud, stop dismissing your spouse.

[Anonymous]

She's 6 waking up every night every few hours and not appropriate. It also isn't healthy for her.

Why is she getting up?

Is she having nightmares?

Going to bed too early or maybe 2 late?

Not getting enough activity during the day?

Cuddle at bedtime with stories and let her know she's to stay in her room unless going to the bathroom and not to wake you guys up unless it's an emergency.