Narcissist Ex is Hoovering
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Anonymous
| My ex is narcissist to a tee!! We had the most horrific divorce and now that it's all over the texts won't stop! I use gray rock because we co-parent and still have to communicate, but it gets to be too much. I get an anxious feeling whenever I see his text alerts. It can be about anything from something kid related or a new restaurant. And he's in a relationship!! How do you deal with hoovering? |
Anonymous
| If you are newly divorced, I would ignore his unimportant texts. Is it possible to block his number when your child is with you? |
Anonymous
This. You are under no obligation to respond when your child is with you. Continue to grey rock. |
Anonymous
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Get "family wizard" software. It was designed for high conflict divorced couples as a way to communicate schedules, etc without emotion.
https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/?campaignid=950104730&adgroupid=65616253363&adid=328502032470&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI25z5i-CP6AIVJoNaBR38egdnEAAYASAAEgKaYfD_BwE |
Anonymous
| Try a Dyson |
Anonymous
| Ask him to communicate with you via email. Block his texts. |
Anonymous
| Are the messages aggressive or mean, or is he just keeping in too much and unnecessary contact? |
Anonymous
+1, and stay away from the Dirt Devil |
Anonymous
My narcissist (25 months into a divorce due to his verbal and emotional abuse and alsoholism) doesnt care. There is no such thing as "without emotion", he just abuses me on talking parents now. THe honest truth is that the court judge etc will never stop this. You will have to learn to ignore him. Trust me. I'm so sorry, I am there with you, and no one who has not divorced a narcissist will understand, and you should make sure to not listen to these people. |
Anonymous
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Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?
Thoughts? |
Anonymous
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OP, I totally get it. I received 25 texts from my exH yesterday. I didn't reply to a single one. None were about the kids.
I spoke to my lawyer about it and, for what it's worth, she recommended that I send an email saying that his communication feels distressing and that I consider it to be harassment. That's laying the groundwork for legal intervention. |
Anonymous
I suspect the answer is that being married to or divorced from a narcissist is a horrible experience, and thus the need to seek help from a message board. |
Anonymous
Not OP, but I've come to realize that my ex has many narcissistic tendencies, even if he's not a narcissist. It's been helpful for me to name some of his behaviors so I can cope with things like the frequent texts the OP is describing. OP--I am experiencing the same thing: I want to disengage, but can't because of co-parenting. Ex is also with someone else but he won't stop trying to suck me back in. The only thing that helps is ignoring as many communications as I can and keeping all necessary communication short and factual. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I get the same anxious, sick feeling whenever I see my ex's messages. |
Anonymous
Many men are self-obsessed, abusive nightmares. No one knows how many narcissists there are. The DSM is just sort of made up. Maybe they fit the bill, maybe they are just self-obsessed and abusive. It’s probably ok to call them narcissists. We all know what behaviors that describes. |
Anonymous
I suspect narcissists make a disproportionately large percentage of the divorced population. We have not divorced, but I know I am married to a narcissist, who will one day also be part of the divorced population. |