Narcissist Ex is Hoovering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

I'm a pretty smart chick. I'm conventionally attractive and a very high earner. I got duped so badly, and verbally abused SO badly, that the entire experience of the past three years has led to wanting to die.

THe thing about Narc's is that when you DO find one, and are their "person" and then you see the mask slip over years and years and then the abuse starts? Its the most debilitating, confusing, awful experience of my life. I've been raped and this was a million times worse. Everyone understands rape, few understand narcissictic abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are newly divorced, I would ignore his unimportant texts. Is it possible to block his number when your child is with you?

Newly divorced and my attorney said that I shouldn't block him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

Many men are self-obsessed, abusive nightmares. No one knows how many narcissists there are. The DSM is just sort of made up. Maybe they fit the bill, maybe they are just self-obsessed and abusive. It’s probably ok to call them narcissists. We all know what behaviors that describes.

And so are many women. That's a bit offensive to say many men are....when most are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the messages aggressive or mean, or is he just keeping in too much and unnecessary contact?

They're not mean at all. They're oddly buddy-like. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. He was a complete demon this time last year and now that the divorce is final he seems to think we're friends. But he's highly toxic and that's what's so annoying about it all. He's trying to suck me back into his world of drama and I just can't afford to go there. He really is a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful that he is in a relationship. Don't respond to things unless you have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

If you've studied narcissism enough you know all of the signs. This isn't about being bitter over a heartbreak. This about being gaslit. About being told it's your fault that you have an STD because if you would've had sex enough he wouldn't have had to have condom-less sex with an affair partner. Only a small percentage have been diagnosed as being narcissists because guess what? Narcissists don't see the problems they inflict on others so they don't seek help. You only get it if you've been mindf*cked enough by one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

I'm a pretty smart chick. I'm conventionally attractive and a very high earner. I got duped so badly, and verbally abused SO badly, that the entire experience of the past three years has led to wanting to die.

THe thing about Narc's is that when you DO find one, and are their "person" and then you see the mask slip over years and years and then the abuse starts? Its the most debilitating, confusing, awful experience of my life. I've been raped and this was a million times worse. Everyone understands rape, few understand narcissictic abuse.

This is SO true. I find that only people who have the experience of having a relationship with a narc can truly understand. I dealt with mine a whole lot longer than 3 years so thankfully you got out early. The emotional and verbal abuse weighs on you heavily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try a Dyson

+1, and stay away from the Dirt Devil

Did he hoover without asking? If my ex had ever hoovered, he might not be my ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful that he is in a relationship. Don't respond to things unless you have to.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

I'm a pretty smart chick. I'm conventionally attractive and a very high earner. I got duped so badly, and verbally abused SO badly, that the entire experience of the past three years has led to wanting to die.

THe thing about Narc's is that when you DO find one, and are their "person" and then you see the mask slip over years and years and then the abuse starts? Its the most debilitating, confusing, awful experience of my life. I've been raped and this was a million times worse. Everyone understands rape, few understand narcissictic abuse.

This is SO true. I find that only people who have the experience of having a relationship with a narc can truly understand. I dealt with mine a whole lot longer than 3 years so thankfully you got out early. The emotional and verbal abuse weighs on you heavily.

+1000. Another narcissistic abuse survivor here. It is horrific. I divorced and now have to co-parent with the narc, which is an utter NIGHTMARE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the messages aggressive or mean, or is he just keeping in too much and unnecessary contact?

They're not mean at all. They're oddly buddy-like. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. He was a complete demon this time last year and now that the divorce is final he seems to think we're friends. But he's highly toxic and that's what's so annoying about it all. He's trying to suck me back into his world of drama and I just can't afford to go there. He really is a horrible person.

It’s probably image management or get his ego boost. Either way, it’s not real and so sorry you are dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to derail the tread, honestly curious- I hear so many people refer to their ex as a narcissist when it's really such a small percentage of the population that is thought to be truly narcissistic. Are ex's of narcissists an especially vocal community? Are there actually many more narcissists among us than previously thought? Or do people often label their ex a narcissist because... well, things didn't work out in the relationship and they don't see their part in the deterioration?

Thoughts?

I'm a pretty smart chick. I'm conventionally attractive and a very high earner. I got duped so badly, and verbally abused SO badly, that the entire experience of the past three years has led to wanting to die.

THe thing about Narc's is that when you DO find one, and are their "person" and then you see the mask slip over years and years and then the abuse starts? Its the most debilitating, confusing, awful experience of my life. I've been raped and this was a million times worse. Everyone understands rape, few understand narcissictic abuse.

This is SO true. I find that only people who have the experience of having a relationship with a narc can truly understand. I dealt with mine a whole lot longer than 3 years so thankfully you got out early. The emotional and verbal abuse weighs on you heavily.

Yes it does. No- 16 years together 14 married but when his drinking and narcissism got out of control was only the last few years. 25
Months into divorcing the narcissist and still not done. Three kids. An entire life. A life away from my family as the narc moved us al out of state before leaving.

[Anonymous]

I actually had to change the ring tone on my cell phone because every time I heard multiple "pinging" of new text messages, I got a knot in my stomach. My horrible ex likes to text bomb - sometimes very friendly, sometimes vicious and threatening.