Regretting past affair

[Anonymous]

Even though I'm now with affair partner.

The affair happened over 5 years ago and only lasted 4 ish months, started off emotional and became physical. I was married at the time. My ex and I are divorced now and have been for 5 years.I wasn't in contact with my boyfriend up until
the end of last year and have only been dating about 6 weeks. So it's not like he was the reason for my divorce.
Things are good, I never dreamed I could be so happy.
But not completely happy because I still feel guilty about the past even though I know the marriage wasn't a good one. 12 years of abuse.
I don't have children, so no stress of co-parenting with ex or introducing kids to boyfriend.
I just can't shake the feeling of something will go wrong.

[Anonymous]

it's called karma.. that's what you are afraid of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though I'm now with affair partner.

The affair happened over 5 years ago and only lasted 4 ish months, started off emotional and became physical. I was married at the time. My ex and I are divorced now and have been for 5 years.I wasn't in contact with my boyfriend up until
the end of last year and have only been dating about 6 weeks. So it's not like he was the reason for my divorce.
Things are good, I never dreamed I could be so happy.
But not completely happy because I still feel guilty about the past even though I know the marriage wasn't a good one. 12 years of abuse.
I don't have children, so no stress of co-parenting with ex or introducing kids to boyfriend.
I just can't shake the feeling of something will go wrong.

No more drinking before lunchtime please

[Anonymous]

I cheated on my ex wife as well, and also felt guilt after the divorce.

But, what you are feeling today is a good thing. It means that both you and me have become better and loyal people.

People
Make mistakes. Be happy sweetheart

[Anonymous]

You and your AP both know that you could cheat so at least in this relationship everyone is going in eyes open. He could cheat too since he is likely more okay with cheating given the circumstances than most are.

Maybe you should be in an open relationship.

[Anonymous]

Was the boyfriend married at the time you had an affair with him? He certainly knows that you have a history of cheating but you know he is willing to sleep with a married woman. You might want to have an honest discussion with him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the boyfriend married at the time you had an affair with him? He certainly knows that you have a history of cheating but you know he is willing to sleep with a married woman. You might want to have an honest discussion with him about it.

He wasn't married or in a relationship at the time.
I know I wouldn't cheat again. I hope the same for him, but I guess I can't be certain can I?
I don't want to be needy, but I probably do need to put my feelings out there.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters cheat. So, unless you have taken real steps to improve yourself through therapy, and he has, too, of course you are worried that it could happen again. Just saying you would never do it again doesn't make it so. You need to figure out why you thought it was ok to cheat on your ex, instead of first ending the relationship. I also think it's kind of a "wayward" mindset to say that your marriage did not end due to the affair. When you had an affair, you betrayed your spouse. Most people in an affair start to villainize their spouse, blame marriage issues for the cheating, etc. - all of that makes the marriage more difficult. Maybe you would have divorced anyway, but no way was the cheating a non-factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on my ex wife as well, and also felt guilt after the divorce.

But, what you are feeling today is a good thing. It means that both you and me have become better and loyal people.

People
Make mistakes. Be happy sweetheart

NP, it’s good that you want to become good. Is guilt enough to propel you to not cheat again? I mean didn’t you want to be good in the past as well and you still cheated?

[Anonymous]

You know deep down there is something wrong with you.. your choice of men for one... an abuser, now a cheater.

Your current relationship most likely will fail if you don't ger therapy.

[Anonymous]

If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. He is in the same position, too. Trust is non existent or an illusion.

[Anonymous]

Read, people! Her AP wasn't cheating on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read, people! Her AP wasn't cheating on anyone.

She was married. He participated.

[Anonymous]

I met my ex when I was 19. I was with him 10 whole years before I met my now boyfriend. My ex abused me, he beat me, raped me, called me names. I didn't know better. I guess the affair did influence my marriage because I knew not every guy would hurt me or call me bad names. But it still took 2 years more for me to leave. My boyfriend was not there at the time telling me to go.
I don't think I would cheat again, I don't think I just did during that time because it was a very bad time in my life and it felt good to have someone be nice to me.

I don't think my boyfriend would cheat but of course I'm not a fortune teller.

My ex would tell me all the time I was worthless and no one else will want me, and maybe he's right? Maybe my boyfriend will be sick of me someday. Karma like someone said.

I really just want to be happy now, but I always have my ex's voice in my head.
Sometimes I think, I wish we had not done the affair.

[Anonymous]

It's good that you left an abusive marriage, but if you really don't want to repeat past mistakes (and the affair was a mistake), you need therapy to figure out your whys and define your boundaries. Otherwise, what happens when your new relationship is in a bad place and you want to feel better?