DH always asking me to step in to deal with kids
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Anonymous
| I don’t agree with his parenting, I stay out of it. But when he’s having an issue like the kids don’t listen to him, it’s “Can you help me here?” But I don’t feel like I should have to step in to fix battles he started. He gets upset over petty small things. He said this morning I need to be a parent and help him. But the kids don’t act out with me the way they do with him. He has a temper, he yells, and he’s the one they push back on a lot. |
Anonymous
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You are 100% right.
He needs parenting classes or a family therapist to.help him. |
Anonymous
| Then I would say to him “instead of me helping you by jumping in when things are bad, let me help you by sitting down and talking about what I think works. We could develop a parenting plan together and by being consistent, the kids will react better to both of us. If I jump in to fix things they won’t respect you and I want them to respect you” And then make it happen. Make sure he has a say in it too. Write it down, revisit and revise as they get older. |
Anonymous
+ 1 million. Any family therapist will yell you this. Stand firm OP. |
Anonymous
This. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the wording by 8:08. I also think that when you are in front of the kids, you are a team. It's important that they see that you two support each other in discipline and that they can't provoke arguments between the two of you by acting up.
8:08's sort of discussion needs to happen in advance while things are calm, not in the middle of a parenting issue when you both are flustered. |
Anonymous
I'm thinking he would not be open to this, though. Not many men are open to their wives telling them how to parent better. They will think you are condescending. I've had similar issues with my DH when kids were younger. He's more receptive now, but the initial "confrontation" is still met with huffing and puffing, even when I try to speak calmly and respectfully to him. Try to speak to him at a different time, when things aren't tense. Tell him that you are more than happy to step in, but he needs to approach things differently, otherwise, if he is not willing to try, nothing will change. Obviously, his way is not working, and if he is not willing to try to change it, then you are not going to step in. IMO, it's because he doesn't want to parent. Let's face it.. it's hard. It requires a lot of patience, more so than most of us probably have. |
Anonymous
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Honestly I think you both need a parenting class.
Yelling is not good. But the kids not giving you push back is not indicative of your way " being right." Nobody wins especially not the kids when they know they only have to mind one parent. Eventually the flip gets switched and they stop listening to you as well. What you consider small may or may not be. A class and maybe a neutral third party to come up with a plan and strategies is in order. This will require give and take from Both of you. You had them together. Work together. It's better for everyone in the household. |
Anonymous
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Care to provide examples?
Because except for spankings and things like that I think parents should back each other, and be willing to step in when the kids are being difficult to avoid one parent losing their cool because we all know kids can be infuriating at times. Honestly this reads like a case of one parent being to strict and the other too permissive. And both being in need of marital counseling because the communication is piss poor. |
Anonymous
This but start with "Let's work on figuring out how to get the kids to respect you too, b/c we need to be a team and we need the kids to respect both of us." |
Anonymous
| Chiming in here to say I bet there’s more to the story. My DH is like this but he’s ADHD, and has anger issues. Him trying to draw me into issues with the kids is one more way of attempting to engage me in conflict and drama. Conflict avoidant, meet conflict seeker. Let me guess OP..he talks poorly to everyone, including you? And doesn’t want to deal with the repercussions of his a-hole behavior. |
Anonymous
| You have rec’d some very good advice. Parents must be on the same page or children will sense it and take advantage as they get older. Also they need parents on the same page for security and safety. Please get help and work thru this so that you are in agreement. It is not a matter of right or wrong for either of you, it is a matter of what is best for the children. Actually DH is already asking you to work as a team, the team just needs to go into training and practice. Dare to Discipline is a good resource and/or you might check out this article at https://bit.ly/2ISZsZQ for other suggestions. I am praying for you and your family. God bless you. |
Anonymous
This times a million. |
Anonymous
| Tell him to not engage the kids when they start complaining or whining or whatever they are doing. Tell him to leave the room. He can’t argue with them if they aren’t there. Sounds like they’ve figured out which parent is susceptible to being talked into/out of things. |
Anonymous
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Years ago, I told him exactly where in the interaction he went wrong and told him exactly what he should have done. He didn’t like it, but he improved. Some people have a hard time making progress if you don’t spell it out for them. |