How to be the kind of mom your kids brag about.

[Anonymous]

I see teens/adults on social media and in social settings say things like "My mom is the best, my #1, etc". My own mom was terrible, how do I become the best mom in the world to my kids?

[Anonymous]

Spend time with them and meet their needs. However, many may just be saying it to make their parents happy and their parents may be terrible people.

[Anonymous]

This is not the standard by which you want to judge. Similar with spouses - the loudest on social media professing their love have nothing magical, and often have the worst relationships from my own observations.
Do not get caught up in social media.

[Anonymous]

1. None of us are on social media.

2. This is not a popularity contest.

3. I'm strict and keep my teen/tween hard at work, and do not expect them to truly understand what I do for them until they're out of their 20s. All I ask for now is respect. The appreciation will come later.

[Anonymous]

My goal is to be authentic, loving, present and patient with my kids. My goal is to forge a connection with them, not win accolades or external attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spend time with them and meet their needs. However, many may just be saying it to make their parents happy and their parents may be terrible people.

This. My SIL also puts this up about her mom (granted, she's much older) and it's SUCH bullsh*t. They are at each other's throats a lot of the time. I know they love each other, but they certainly do not LIKE each other. At all.

[Anonymous]

Treat your kids with respect. The are real people who deserve to be treated with dignity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My goal is to be authentic, loving, present and patient with my kids. My goal is to forge a connection with them, not win accolades or external attention.

This. Also don’t nag or embarrass in front of their peers and provide food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see teens/adults on social media and in social settings say things like "My mom is the best, my #1, etc". My own mom was terrible, how do I become the best mom in the world to my kids?

I think it will be different for each child honestly. For example, my brothers felt very strongly about my parents attending their sporting events. For whatever reason, it was important to them and made them feel loved to see my parents show up. For me, it was just having someone who could listen to me without interrupting. I also think remaining relatable is an important part.

[Anonymous]

Do you actually want to be the best mom that you can be for your specific kids? Or do you just want to create kids who will brag about you for social media? The answers will be different.

For you, I'd think about the specific ways that your own mom could have done better for you. Then avoid those things. Next, think about your own kids' needs. Do they need more attention? More space? More guidance? More independence?

[Anonymous]

Do your best to show real interest in them, learn their love languages, set clear boundaries, etc. Just normal good parenting with an emphasis on emotional closeness. But sometimes kids will hate your guts no matter what.

Good for you for wanting to break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. I respect and love my teens, even at their worst. Still I call them out on BS, and hold them to the important things, while giving them space for non-important things. I’m not trying to be their friend right now, but I do hope and expect to be friends when they are adults.

My daughter recently told me her friends wish their moms were more like me because I’m very open and willing to listen. She tells me nearly everything, even the minor parts of her day. For example, her best friend recently came out to their friend group as being a lesbian. This wasn’t at all shocking to her friends, or to me and my husband. Still the friend is terrified to come out to her parents. BFF and her mom are currently fighting over what she will wear to 8th grade promotion and award ceremony. BFF wants to wear a suit, her mom said absolutely not. Which to a 14 year old, on the verge of coming out, was crushing. As an alternative I looked up simple, classy black jumpsuits and suggested those. Now a small group is wearing them in solidarity. Hopefully BFF will be comfortable, her mom okay with it, and she still has support, without outright words or being forced out.

[Anonymous]

"My mom can burp the alphabet!" It took some practice, OP.

[Anonymous]

...don't most people feel this way about their moms? Like I know my mom isn't objectively the World's Greatest Mom-- even though I got her that mug!!-- but she is amazing to me, and I wouldn't want any other mom, YKWIM?

I know "most people" is not nearly all, but I think especially when we're kids-- yes, even teens-- we do tend to feel this way. At least enough to express that sentiment on social media, in a card, etc.

Even when I was p!ssed at her as a teen, I thought she was the worst mom in the world except for all the other moms-- i.e., the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...don't most people feel this way about their moms? Like I know my mom isn't objectively the World's Greatest Mom-- even though I got her that mug!!-- but she is amazing to me, and I wouldn't want any other mom, YKWIM?

I know "most people" is not nearly all, but I think especially when we're kids-- yes, even teens-- we do tend to feel this way. At least enough to express that sentiment on social media, in a card, etc.

Even when I was p!ssed at her as a teen, I thought she was the worst mom in the world except for all the other moms-- i.e., the best.

No, I don't think most people feel this way. I don't know the percentages, but I think many people are not great parents...and especially by the time kids are teens they are well aware of that. My situation is a little different, since my parents' failures were undeniable: sister and I both had eating disorders, sister tried to kill herself, parents were yelling at me or siblings all the time to the point friends said they didn't like coming over. So I think it'd be worrying if a teenager couldn't figure out something was off. But I don't think it's strange for teenagers to assess poor parenting.