How to be the kind of mom your kids brag about.

[Anonymous]

Be a good listener

[Anonymous]

I would not want my preteen or teen to necessarily feel this way. It indicates a lack of discipline and an indulgence of entitlement to me. I’d rather be a mom where, when my kid is 40, looks back and appreciates the things I did. They didn’t like or understand them then but they do now. I’m not trying to be my kid’s BFF, I’m trying to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

I know a few people who do this, and their mom was a nightmare -- they do it because she is still a nightmare and their lives would be miserable if they didn't lie to the world on her behalf.

[Anonymous]

My daughter, in a text, told me I was bad ass. That’s way more important to me than any bragging on social media. Gave me the warm fuzzies!

[Anonymous]

My student came home today and said I was the only parent in class who donated snacks for a class event. The teacher had asked for snacks for today. I sent 100 of them, so she has leftovers.

I would never tell any parent I did this -- I'm not one to brag online, in fact I do not use Facebook -- but my kid sure noticed. I said to my child: "Well, I'm glad your teacher got the snacks and could use them."

Let your actions send the message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My student came home today and said I was the only parent in class who donated snacks for a class event. The teacher had asked for snacks for today. I sent 100 of them, so she has leftovers.

I would never tell any parent I did this -- I'm not one to brag online, in fact I do not use Facebook -- but my kid sure noticed. I said to my child: "Well, I'm glad your teacher got the snacks and could use them."

Let your actions send the message.

Lots of us send stuff regular from snacks to extra supplies. However, at our school, very few parents do, some cannot afford to but others we cannot even get to donate to the parties. Mine insist I be room parent so they know they will get a good party. I would never brag or comment as its not about that and its about the kids, especially mine. I like mine want me there too.

[Anonymous]

My kids brag about me all the time. They are majorly impressed that we started out poor and are completely self made. They just can’t get over the fact that I paid my own way through college taking out very few loans and am what they consider rich.

[Anonymous]

We sent DD off to high school with instructions to get at least one B her first quarter (to not get straight As) to the take the pressure off. She told us that all her friends wanted us as their parents.

Lay off the pressure, people!

[Anonymous]

As someone whose mom is a mess and I’ve been the “parent” for much of my life, I feel this. I have never been able to post the “don’t know what I’d do without her, she’s the best!” crap on Mother’s Day. The reality is without me she would be screwed, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...don't most people feel this way about their moms? Like I know my mom isn't objectively the World's Greatest Mom-- even though I got her that mug!!-- but she is amazing to me, and I wouldn't want any other mom, YKWIM?

I know "most people" is not nearly all, but I think especially when we're kids-- yes, even teens-- we do tend to feel this way. At least enough to express that sentiment on social media, in a card, etc.

Even when I was p!ssed at her as a teen, I thought she was the worst mom in the world except for all the other moms-- i.e., the best.

No, I don't think most people feel this way. I don't know the percentages, but I think many people are not great parents...and especially by the time kids are teens they are well aware of that. My situation is a little different, since my parents' failures were undeniable: sister and I both had eating disorders, sister tried to kill herself, parents were yelling at me or siblings all the time to the point friends said they didn't like coming over. So I think it'd be worrying if a teenager couldn't figure out something was off. But I don't think it's strange for teenagers to assess poor parenting.

+1 PP, I’m so sorry your upbringing was so similar to mine, right down to the eating disorders (my sister hasn’t attempted suicide, but struggles with addiction and personality disorder as an adult). I was pretty miserable growing up; our parents fought constantly, I stayed in my room or out of the house as much as possible, etc. I love my mom and think she did her best, but she has let me down in really significant ways, even when I don’t expect that much from her as an adult. It’s painful.

[Anonymous]

For me, I just try really hard to let my kids be who they are, and focus on their good qualities.

I also try to provide firm boundaries, but give them a wide berth to make their own decisions.

I think a sense of humor goes a long way.

I suspect that my relationship with my kids will have its ups and downs but am hoping that I am providing a foundation for a healthy long-term relationship with both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...don't most people feel this way about their moms? Like I know my mom isn't objectively the World's Greatest Mom-- even though I got her that mug!!-- but she is amazing to me, and I wouldn't want any other mom, YKWIM?

I know "most people" is not nearly all, but I think especially when we're kids-- yes, even teens-- we do tend to feel this way. At least enough to express that sentiment on social media, in a card, etc.

Even when I was p!ssed at her as a teen, I thought she was the worst mom in the world except for all the other moms-- i.e., the best.

No, I don't think most people feel this way. I don't know the percentages, but I think many people are not great parents...and especially by the time kids are teens they are well aware of that. My situation is a little different, since my parents' failures were undeniable: sister and I both had eating disorders, sister tried to kill herself, parents were yelling at me or siblings all the time to the point friends said they didn't like coming over. So I think it'd be worrying if a teenager couldn't figure out something was off. But I don't think it's strange for teenagers to assess poor parenting.

+1000. When I was a teenager there was probably one or two sets of "great parents" that we knew out of so, so many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose mom is a mess and I’ve been the “parent” for much of my life, I feel this. I have never been able to post the “don’t know what I’d do without her, she’s the best!” crap on Mother’s Day. The reality is without me she would be screwed, not the other way around.

Exactly! So what would your Mom need to do to elicit that sort of response from you? I can't even imagine, because my own mother was so far from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend time with them and meet their needs. However, many may just be saying it to make their parents happy and their parents may be terrible people.

This. My SIL also puts this up about her mom (granted, she's much older) and it's SUCH bullsh*t. They are at each other's throats a lot of the time. I know they love each other, but they certainly do not LIKE each other. At all.

Same. My SIL posts so much garbage about MIL--"She's just *THE BEST*!!!" Meanwhile, I know she has referred to her as a "toxic personality" many, many times, can't even stay with her for a couple of days, etc. And I'm married to one of her other children and I know very well that they didn't have some idyllic childhood.

Basically, everyone on social media is full of sh!t. Never think otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see teens/adults on social media and in social settings say things like "My mom is the best, my #1, etc". My own mom was terrible, how do I become the best mom in the world to my kids?

I think it will be different for each child honestly. For example, my brothers felt very strongly about my parents attending their sporting events. For whatever reason, it was important to them and made them feel loved to see my parents show up. For me, it was just having someone who could listen to me without interrupting. I also think remaining relatable is an important part.

This is key. Treat your children as individuals and see them for who they are and you'll be fine. The tricky part is to not lose yourself while being present for the kids.