I’m always dissatisfied

[Anonymous]

Just in general, as a state of being. I’m dissatisfied with my daughter’s school, with my job, my marriage, with our new house. I love my daughter and our dog. And maybe that’s it. What is this? Depression/anxiety? Just my personality? This dissatisfaction used to fuel me to strive for better things — to achieve more at work, to tackle infertility, to get out of unfulfilling relationships. But my life is probably objectively good (or good enough) and yet I find fault with everything. I don’t want to pass this worldview on to my child. I want her to be able to settle down and feel content. I am just never content.

Example: We bought a house just a few months ago. It’s ok. There are some maintenance issues we didn’t realize when we purchased it, and that’s making it more expensive than we bargained for, which is stressful to me. We were visiting a family member in another neighborhood last night and I just kept thinking, “we should have bought here. We made a mistake. Is it too late to sell and buy here? The parks are so much nicer and the people are so much friendlier here.” I just need to STOP. We are where we are.

I need to bloom where I’m planted. But I just can’t feel content. I want to change things, fix things. How do I start?

[Anonymous]

Some people enjoy negativity. You sound like one of them and probably have a never enough or good enough mind set. Which you wrote. I would see a therapist and inquire about depression. People like you are difficult to be around and your daughter will feel like she is never good enough and develop low self-esteem. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's a form of anxiety, OP. And I agree with PP - this negative outlook/constant unhappiness is probably affecting your daughter. I would look into therapy and medication.

[Anonymous]

CBT immediately, therapy as soon as you can.

I struggle with negativity too, I think as part of growing up in a chaotic household. It’s hard to work in but vital.

[Anonymous]

Therapy for sure. For some people, it's their personality. They just are never satisfied. Therapy may help you learn ways to deal with it because not only is it miserable for you but it's miserable and stressful for the people around you.

It may be depression or anxiety, which therapy would definitely help.

[Anonymous]

+1 for CBT therapy.

[Anonymous]

Mindfulness (i.e. meditation) and gratefulness. Also therapy and maybe medication. But you can do the first two right away. They may not work but it's worth a shot.

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue. For me, I think part of it is disappointment in how certain areas of my life turned out. Therapy has helped some but it hasn't been a perfect solution.

[Anonymous]

This is partly how my depression manifests. Agree you should speak to a therapist and maybe consider medication.

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard perimenopause can be a contributer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve heard perimenopause can be a contributer

I wanted to ask how old you are because of this ^^ factor. It's real, and I've had to be mindful of it (46) and just realizing it has helped keep me from spiraling...

[Anonymous]

Please get it sorted out, OP, because this poisons relationships. My best friend is like this and it's exhausting to convince her that her life is not going to get better unless she changes her outlook. She thinks it's always someone else that's to blame or something that didn't go her way.

[Anonymous]

Why not set goals for what you want to change? I used to feel the same about so much and moving actually did change my daily satisfaction and health.
I'm still dissatisfied in some things that don't bother me as much but at least I can focus on that at my pace now (instead of being overwhelmed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not set goals for what you want to change? I used to feel the same about so much and moving actually did change my daily satisfaction and health.
I'm still dissatisfied in some things that don't bother me as much but at least I can focus on that at my pace now (instead of being overwhelmed).

This is OP. Because I think the problem is internal. If we bought a new house, there would be something wrong with that house too. I think what I need to fix is inside me. And yes, I’m in perimenopause. I’ve done soooooo much therapy. I’ve never tried CBT, though. That’s something I could try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not set goals for what you want to change? I used to feel the same about so much and moving actually did change my daily satisfaction and health.
I'm still dissatisfied in some things that don't bother me as much but at least I can focus on that at my pace now (instead of being overwhelmed).

This is OP. Because I think the problem is internal. If we bought a new house, there would be something wrong with that house too. I think what I need to fix is inside me. And yes, I’m in perimenopause. I’ve done soooooo much therapy. I’ve never tried CBT, though. That’s something I could try.

OP, CBT is a very different type of therapy. I'm glad you're open to trying it. It's really about building new thought patterns.