DH told me he wants a divorce

[Anonymous]

DH just had sex - tons of sex - with me this weekend and then tonight, laying in bed playing with me told me he wants a divorce.

I feel so gross and used, I could die. He says I'm overreacting - that telling me about a divorce just after sex is fine. I didn't have sex until I got married, so that might make my feelings more intense. We've been together 12 years.

Am I overreacting to think this was awful?

[Anonymous]

Makes me think of the scene from First Wives Club with Diane Keaton's husband.

[Anonymous]

Move to another room in your home. Stop talking for tonight. Contact a lawyer in the morning. Take note of all of your financial information & star making a plan.

[Anonymous]

What were his reasons for want the divorce?

Agree with PP: move rooms and get legal advice ASAP.

I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Tell him you are going to free willy and no more sex. Get a divorce attorney and make sure to take 1/2 the money out of any joint accounts to your own. Pack his bags and leave them at the door.

[Anonymous]

Your soon to be ex-DH is a jerk. I’m sorry. Get out and take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Wow, thanks for the advice and thoughts.

Thank you for the laugh - free willy, lol. My kids would die of embarrassment!

Seriously, thank you for the advice and for the joke. A quick laugh was life saving this evening. It was even better because DH was watching me laugh.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP, but you will be okay. Stay strong and look out for yourself and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, thanks for the advice and thoughts.

Thank you for the laugh - free willy, lol. My kids would die of embarrassment!

Seriously, thank you for the advice and for the joke. A quick laugh was life saving this evening. It was even better because DH was watching me laugh.

Sorry, after the sex and divorce comments I couldn't help it. I wish you the best and hope you get a good divorce settlement and more important you find someone who love you for you and makes you the priority and happy. Seriously, next time he asks for sex, tell him no, too busy filing for divorce. If it were me, I'd take 1/2 of everything, save the money and file myself tomorrow just to annoy him. Tell him he needs to get out to have the separation period start and leave his stuff in trash bags by the door. And, make sure he gets 50/50 custody and especially weekends so it hurts his future dating life. Sometimes these things work out for the best and he doesn't deserve you.

Oh, put a lock on the bedroom door and give him his pillows and send him to the couch tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, thanks for the advice and thoughts.

Thank you for the laugh - free willy, lol. My kids would die of embarrassment!

Seriously, thank you for the advice and for the joke. A quick laugh was life saving this evening. It was even better because DH was watching me laugh.

Sorry, after the sex and divorce comments I couldn't help it. I wish you the best and hope you get a good divorce settlement and more important you find someone who love you for you and makes you the priority and happy. Seriously, next time he asks for sex, tell him no, too busy filing for divorce. If it were me, I'd take 1/2 of everything, save the money and file myself tomorrow just to annoy him. Tell him he needs to get out to have the separation period start and leave his stuff in trash bags by the door. And, make sure he gets 50/50 custody and especially weekends so it hurts his future dating life. Sometimes these things work out for the best and he doesn't deserve you.

Oh, put a lock on the bedroom door and give him his pillows and send him to the couch tonight.

. Awesome advice

[Anonymous]

Have you guys been talking about divorce?

[Anonymous]

Awful. Yes, he totally used you because he knows he wo t be getting much for awhile. I agree with pp. I’d move to another room. No conversation except absolutely necessary. It’s like a death. Obviously see a lawyer this week. I’m really sorry.

[Anonymous]

So sorry. Go to the bank this morning and withdraw half of all balances. Open new accounts in your Name only. Separation starts today. Sooner you are rid of this jerk the better.

[Anonymous]

OMG, your husband is truly a jerk! Trying to gaslight you into thinking that what he did -- getting you to consent to sex with him under a false pretense (being in a permanent monogamous relationship with him) is a very abusive move. It makes me think that there are other abuses that you have just sort of swallowed as "typical" marital troubles. Please go to loveisrespect.org and evaluate your relationship.

Agree with others who say to take him seriously and make divorce moves -- ask him to move into different room, pack tomorrow (or you pack for him), separation starts immediately.

He is expecting that you will do the "pick me dance" -- beg him to go to therapy, beg him to tell you how to change so he will stay, etc. Don't engage. Don't get emotional. Just keep repeating -- "you told me you want a divorce, so we're getting a divorce."

He may be so taken aback by your unexpected response (that you are not doing the pick me dance) that he may say he wants to stay or that you should talk about it. Don't fall for it. Continue.

[Anonymous]

Any kids???