vaping with coach's kid-wwyd

[Anonymous]

My son goes to a taekwondo studio. He is a freshman in high school but at his level, all the high school kids are together.

He spends a lot of time at the studio - including some free time before and after his actual class time.

The studio is family owned and most of the adults are related to the family. His coach has a nephew that is also in the studio --- the nephew's mom also works there but isn't involved directly with the high school kids.

The nephew is a junior and I believe introduced my kid to vaping, sold him some juul and vapes with him. My son has denied it but I believe it to be true.

I'm obviously going to need to deal with my own kid here. But I'm also upset because I think it means that my son will have to spend less time at the studio (which I pay for and think is great for exercise, etc). I don't want to leave the studio because my kids has literally been there since 2nd grade, has friends and loves it.

Should I say something to his mom or his aunt that coaches my son? I'm sure they suspect or know their kid is vaping - maybe they don't care, but I care.

Should I just make sure my kid isn't there unsupervised or can I say something? I feel like it puts me in a bad situation.

If it was just a random kid I didn't know or a random friend of my DS, I wouldn't probably "tell", but this kid is in a position of power or at least his parents control my kids' access to his favorite sport.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

What is your proof that it was the nephew?

[Anonymous]

Be sure before you accuse the any kid, especially since yours denied it was him. I’m not sure parents realize how much it is in schools. Are you sure he didn’t buy it there? It’s a big problem in all high schools in this area. They openly talk about it in class and get caught in the bathrooms during the school day. I work in a public school and many of them vape.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? It’s your job to teach your kid values, not look for someone to blame for his (and your) failures.

[Anonymous]

It is really in all the high schools, OP. ALL the high schools.

I have a 9th grader and while I would say something if it were an older kid introducing it to a 5th or 6th grader, I would not say anything with high school kids. In this situation, you don't even know for sure if it was this kid, so I definitely would not make accusations. If you can't trust your 9th grader to be unsupervised there, then make sure he isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is really in all the high schools, OP. ALL the high schools.

I have a 9th grader and while I would say something if it were an older kid introducing it to a 5th or 6th grader, I would not say anything with high school kids. In this situation, you don't even know for sure if it was this kid, so I definitely would not make accusations. If you can't trust your 9th grader to be unsupervised there, then make sure he isn't.

My Rule of Thumb with teens is not to elevate things that I hear gossip about or suspect. I would need to see something with my own eyes to go to the parents in this case. Sounds like the only thing you know for sure here is your kid is vaping. You could tell the studio this as a heads up, it may be going on in this community as it is so rampant in this age group and see if they want to address it generally (but I don’t think that addresses your exact concern).

[Anonymous]

You can't remove your son from every activity he gets caught misbehaving ATM kids aren't perfect. Our job is to teach them to regulate. Life is full of opportunities for bad choices and temptations. What's next homeschool him? Take responsibility and have him suffer whatever consequences there is. Removing him from physical activity is just stupid.

[Anonymous]

Unless you have actual knowledge you can’t accuse another kid. Your son denies it. You just need to deal with your kid.

[Anonymous]

OP, we were at a family owned TKD studio for years...so I understand how this is different from many other sports. I'm not sure many of the PPs responding get that. You pay a huge amount to send your kid there to learn discipline, respect, etc. as well as martial arts. You can't actually re move your son from there without removing him from a support system he's familiar with and incurring a large financial penalty. I get it. Also, as a family owned business the adults really need to make sure any of their family members are being positive role models at this establishment.

Honestly, I think I'd let the staff know immediately and tell them I want out of the contract without penalty because their family member is exposing your son to something that is not inline with the values you're paying them to teach your child. You need to trust your gut if this is happening or not. A TKD studio, or any other long-term contract sport is different from say a season of flag football. So, this is just what I would do. Obviously, you have to do what's right for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we were at a family owned TKD studio for years...so I understand how this is different from many other sports. I'm not sure many of the PPs responding get that. You pay a huge amount to send your kid there to learn discipline, respect, etc. as well as martial arts. You can't actually re move your son from there without removing him from a support system he's familiar with and incurring a large financial penalty. I get it. Also, as a family owned business the adults really need to make sure any of their family members are being positive role models at this establishment.

Honestly, I think I'd let the staff know immediately and tell them I want out of the contract without penalty because their family member is exposing your son to something that is not inline with the values you're paying them to teach your child. You need to trust your gut if this is happening or not. A TKD studio, or any other long-term contract sport is different from say a season of flag football. So, this is just what I would do. Obviously, you have to do what's right for you.

I completely agree w/ this poster. The TKD studios prioritize respect and discipline. I would have no issues saying you have concerns and asking how you can work together. I'm sure that his instructors would be displeased to learn he was vaping and jump on that very quickly