Would you let them watch your kids?

[Anonymous]

We're two working parents with no childcare. We work split schedules, never go on dates, are always exhausted, and our house is messier than we'd like.

BIL and his wife live 30 minutes away. At some point in the last year, SIL has spread rumors to family and mutual friends that our eldest has autism. I learned of this just after Thanksgiving. SIL is fully aware that DS has a minor speech delay, is in speech therapy, and has had tubes. SIL has never mentioned any concern of autism to DH or myself.

While I'd love some time alone with DH, I don't understand how someone could spread rumors like that. I'm not sure I trust my child with SIL, as kind as the babysitting offer was.

How would you see this? What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I missed the part where she offered to babysit? Do you not have childcare because you don’t trust people or you don’t want to pay for it? How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

No, no, no!

[Anonymous]

Kids are 2 and 5. No daycare mostly because we don't want to pay for it and one parents is always home. (We're putting the $ we save into college funds.)

Yes, they offered to babysit for an afternoon. If not for the unkind rumors, I'd be overflowing with thankfulness. Instead, I don't know what to tell them. I don't trust my kids with someone who would spread unkind rumors.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just hire a regular babysitter? I would rather pay a teen $50 bucks for a date night than have people I don’t trust watch my kids for free.

Think about it. Are you going to enjoy yourself knowing SIL is alone with your kid? Probably not, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 2 and 5. No daycare mostly because we don't want to pay for it and one parents is always home. (We're putting the $ we save into college funds.)

Yes, they offered to babysit for an afternoon. If not for the unkind rumors, I'd be overflowing with thankfulness. Instead, I don't know what to tell them. I don't trust my kids with someone who would spread unkind rumors.

Just say no thanks. I doubt they really want to do it, anyways.

[Anonymous]

Let's me practical here.

I wouldn't care about the rumor-mongering, OP, if SIL has great babysitting skills. The latter are far more important than the former. Even if she's babysitting only to ferret out information about your oldest, which at this point seems likely. Actually I would talk to her about that.
"Hey Charlotte, I heard you'd been talking to family about how George might be autistic. I'd appreciate it if you stopped, because people are going to think he has it, when he doesn't. Thanks."

If your SIL has never babysat for you before, or you know she isn't particularly engaging towards your children, then perhaps you can hire a sitter.

[Anonymous]

You have prioritized college funds over date nights and childcare. If you want to change this you have the means to, but you need to change your priorities. I would hire a sitter once or twice a month.

[Anonymous]

What is your exact worry OP?

I’d definitely let them babysit.

Have you asked your SIL about these rumors? There may be a misunderstanding here.

[Anonymous]

No!!

[Anonymous]

So ... can you afford childcare? If so, pay for it so you can have some sanity back.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean “spread rumors he has autism”? Do you mean she said to several people “I really think Larlo has autism. They should have him tested.” Meh. Families talk like that. You should address that with her irrespective of the babysitting. That’s not spreading a rumor. That’s her speculating. Ask her to address things like that with you rather than with the rest of the family.

The babysitting is a separate issue. Do you trust them to take good care of up it kids? Yes, then have them sit. No, then don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your exact worry OP?

I’d definitely let them babysit.

Have you asked your SIL about these rumors? There may be a misunderstanding here.

This. Why not ask her? I’m guessing it was more of a pondering “I read that speech delays could be a result of autism,” or something like that. It’s hard to envision her saying, “the mom told me he has autism.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have prioritized college funds over date nights and childcare. If you want to change this you have the means to, but you need to change your priorities. I would hire a sitter once or twice a month.

I was confused about this too. Hard to tell what their financial situation is. I would say spend some of that college fund money on a babysitter and maybe a housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your exact worry OP?

I’d definitely let them babysit.

Have you asked your SIL about these rumors? There may be a misunderstanding here.

This. Why not ask her? I’m guessing it was more of a pondering “I read that speech delays could be a result of autism,” or something like that. It’s hard to envision her saying, “the mom told me he has autism.”

I was thinking the same. She was probably speculating because of the speech delay while gossiping. She probably didn't make a statement anyone read as a fact. BUT, I wouldn't want her to babysit. I'd hire someone for that. Less drama.