What would you consider a reasonable frequency of visiting grandparents
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Anonymous
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Dh and I both work full time and have a one and two year old.
Both sets of grandparents live about 8-9 hours of travel away (door to door, both include a flight, assuming all goes smoothly) All grandparents are active, travel frequently domestically and abroad (including roughly quarterly visits to us) In this scenario how frequently do you think we could visit them and feel no guilt about the pressure from one side that it’s not nearly enough |
Anonymous
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So, like a cross country flight? If that’s the case, I’d say once a year each, especially if they travel your way, too.
We have a 4yo DD. Grandparents are all retired. DH and I both work full time. My parents are a 2 hour drive away, and we usually see them once every 5 or 6 weeks or so, for a weekend. They almost always visit us, as it is just easier, traffic-wise. ILs are a 10 hour drive or 2 hour flight (in the Midwest). We travel out there twice a year, usually for 4 days or so, and they head this way 2 or 3 times a year. |
Anonymous
| Do both sets of grandparents live in same location? Or separate locations both 8-9 hours of travel? |
Anonymous
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What's the financial situation? And the vacation time from work situation? I mean, if you have a lot of $$ and a flexible job w/ lots of leave time, I'd say you could visit each set of grandparents twice per year and feel no guilt. If money is tighter and/or you don't get a lot of paid leave, make that once per year or every other year. This is assuming the grandparents all remain healthy and able to come travel to see you quarterly. If they get to a point where they can't come to you, then it gets trickier to avoid traveling to see them...
My family and my in laws also live far away and we also have 2 kids, ages 5 and 3. We visit each set of grandparents once per year or *maybe* twice if there are special circumstances (ex: milestone birthday, family wedding, meeting sibling's new baby are all recent examples). Both sets of grandparents also visit us about quarterly. My parents have complained that we don't visit them enough and they definitely get jealous if they perceive we visit my in-laws more. My in laws have never actually expressed any disappointment about the frequency of our visits but I'd be willing to bet they feel the same disappointment and just don't feel comfortable telling us about that (thankfully). But we have learned to just try to ignore that and carry on with what works best for us. Traveling with young kids is a lot more difficult for us than them traveling to us (a) and they are retired and have more money than we do (b) and we still see them often enough in my opinion (c). If/when they reach a point where they are not able to travel as often and/or once our kids are older and easier to travel with, we will probably start going there more often. |
Anonymous
Separate locations - we live in Midwest about and hour from our airport and both sets live in different east coast locations with substantial drives once you land. Dh and I both about about 20 total vacation days a year (including sick leave etc) |
Anonymous
Once per year for each set of grandparents. Especially since they come to you frequently. |
Anonymous
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We visit my family in the midwest about twice a year (usually August and just after Christmas). They usually come here once a year (kid's birthday), sometimes once more.
Other grandparents live here in the summer and go South for the winter. So we see them all summer, they come back up for Thanksgiving or Christmas holidays, and we fly to see them in the winter (February-ish). |
Anonymous
| Every other month. |
Anonymous
Sorry I thought you were asking how often they could visit you. You could visit each once a year. |
Anonymous
I am assuming you are taking about your children’s grandparents and not yours. We would travel to them 3x a year and they would travel to us 1x a year. One set was 7 hour drive away and one set was a 4 hours drive away. They all passed away before our youngest was out of HS. |
Anonymous
| Once per year. |
Anonymous
| Once per year or alternating every other year. That vacation time goes fast with sick kid days, etc and I would make sure it wasn’t cutting into our own personal family vacation with no guilt. |
Anonymous
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That is the same situation as us - we usually travel to each of their homes once or twice a year. Some years we travel to other locations to see them at weddings or other events, or at a siblings house.
We try not to miss big events - anniversary parties or whatever, so that often dictates when we go. Or we try for a holiday or to coordinate with siblings. Some years we go more to one or the other. This year we traveled to my in laws 4 or 5 times - they live in Florida and we also were doing college visits. They get us more than the midwest family. Both sets visit us also. |
Anonymous
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If they are coming to visit you, I don't think that you are in any way obligated to spend the time and money to fly out to see them, too. That gets expensive.
I know that I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on my own kids. |
Anonymous
Same question. OP’s talking about her parents and DH’s parents? Are the grandparents in the picture? |