when would you let a teen spend a night alone at home?

[Anonymous]

We have a 16 3/4 year old son. We're planning a short weekend trip away soon and he doesn't want to go: he has a paper to write and a weekend drama practice session. I'm comfortable letting him stay in the house on his own for a couple of nights if he'd prefer that to staying with a friend: he's a very responsible kid, gets top grades at a top school, has never shown the slightest sign of trouble with... anything. No sign he's ever used/been interested in alcohol or drugs, and he's a safe driver (recently got his license). But DH thinks he too young to stay home on his own and it will be "too tempting" for him to invite friends over for a wild drunken party (never mind that he has so far shown zero interest in wild drunken parties). To me all this seems weird: I was started college a month after my 17th birthday, when I was just a few months older than he is now, so I have a really tough time seeing why a night or two in our own house would be inappropriate. And DH has no issue with letting him stay at friend's houses overnight without checking in with the parents to be sure they are there every second: we trust him to be honest when he says he'll be at a friends house and that the parents will be home.

Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Lock up your alcohol. Lock up your jewelry, and give it a try. Make sure he calls. Maybe make arrangements for a neighbor to stop by. Be prepare to come home.

He asked to stay home to fulfill his obligations, which is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me? That is a sad commentary on your relationship with your children if you suggest locking up your jewelry.

[Anonymous]

Presumably pp was worried about a party that one of the guests or a gatecrasher takes advantage of to steal the jewelry, not her kid stealing it!

I would certainly leave a 16 year old alone in the house for a weekend if they are as mature/responsible as you describe. 16 is old enough to get married many places!

[Anonymous]

Based on our experience with our kid, who wasn't as mature as your's sounds, I wouldn't do it. We did end up taking our's out of town rather than letting him stay behind, and had an attempted break-in that the police attributed to classmates looking for a house to party in since they'd heard that we were going to be gone.

I also remember a classmate of mine who was home alone for a weekend. Had told one friend to come over and watch a movie with her. Before she knew it, there were 50 people in her house and she called the cops herself.

Only if your kid is truly as mature and trustworthy as you say. AND, neighbors will be home all the nights you are gone and will actively call or stop over to check on your child and the house would I maybe consider it. AND, you are in a position to cut your trip short and come home if need be.

Just too many things that could happen, even if your child doesn't mean for them to.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it. I was an A student, played sports, etc, and had parties with my much older boyfriend and my high school friends when my parents were out of town. If there was EVER a kid that could be trusted, it would have appeared to be me.

You don't want the liability of what other kids, friends of DS, may do in your house or on the road after leaving if he is unsupervised. Think of the potential liability.

[Anonymous]

I think it all depends on the kid. PP's point is fair enough, but that could happen with a 16 year old... or a 20 year old college kid who comes home and invites his underage pals while you're away. There's always some element of risk: but presumably no one would say that they would not let their 20 year old high-achieving college student stay home alone for a night or two. I'd have a talk with him about your worries-- with very specific examples, including horror stories like the kid who invites one friend and then finds himself inundated with un-invited others-- and explain the liability issues, too. And if his responses are appropriate, go away and trust but verify. Give the neighbors a heads up; tell you you'll be calling frequently and you expect him to answer the phone each time. then go away and have fun!

[Anonymous]

My dd's about that age, also very responsible, etc, and we are comfortable leaving her overnight. The problem is that she thinks it is a good idea until the day before and then she decides she doesn't want to be alone. So we have never actually ended up leaving her alone. Have a back up plan just in case he gets cold feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a 16 3/4 year old son. We're planning a short weekend trip away soon and he doesn't want to go: he has a paper to write and a weekend drama practice session. I'm comfortable letting him stay in the house on his own for a couple of nights if he'd prefer that to staying with a friend: he's a very responsible kid, gets top grades at a top school, has never shown the slightest sign of trouble with... anything. No sign he's ever used/been interested in alcohol or drugs, and he's a safe driver (recently got his license). But DH thinks he too young to stay home on his own and it will be "too tempting" for him to invite friends over for a wild drunken party (never mind that he has so far shown zero interest in wild drunken parties). To me all this seems weird: I was started college a month after my 17th birthday, when I was just a few months older than he is now, so I have a really tough time seeing why a night or two in our own house would be inappropriate. And DH has no issue with letting him stay at friend's houses overnight without checking in with the parents to be sure they are there every second: we trust him to be honest when he says he'll be at a friends house and that the parents will be home.

Any thoughts?

How would you know if he's never been at a wild drunken party or desires to attend? Do you want your house to be a private event on Facebook? If he has friends who will act as bouncers to preserve your home/ property you might be OK. If he has about 2 friends -------- play people have parties and the practice is a chance to congregate [meet-up] then schlep on over to your house. Last year one kid had a party at her parents house [out of town] while staying at a friends.

[Anonymous]

Some kids really are nerds. They don't go to wild drunken parties!

OP, almost 17 year olds are old enough to babysit other people's children until the wee hours; and they are old enough to work as lifeguards, protecting other people's kids, and work in ambulances as volunteer EMTs and so on. I think it's old enough to stay at home alone. Just have someone checking in on him, let a neighbor know he's home alone and let him know you are doing so. Also give him someone to call if he is feeling lonely or scared about being alone; he can go there for the rest of the weekend if he wants.

[Anonymous]

I would not take the risk! I showed no interest in drunken parties. I was an honor student, student government president etc. But I went to drunken parties where the parents were not home! I also went to a bar and drank underage. My parents had no idea.

Even if your son is not planning to instigate anything, a few classmates could come by and one thing could lead to another.

[Anonymous]

My parents left me home in high school at 17 because I had to take AP exams the same week my older brother was graduating college.

I was the goody goody - all As, EMT working on the ambulance crew, held down a job, babysat for many families, etc.

But I still had a party celebrating the end of AP Exams. I was responsible though and wouldn't let any friends drive after drinking and I hid all of my parent's costly things (i.e.a marble statute spent the night in the dryer).

Years later I told my parents about it and my mom responded," I would have thought something was wrong with you if you hadn't had a party!"

[Anonymous]

The thing 11:51 is that how could you control your guests drinking and driving?

[Anonymous]

Didn't the neighbors notice?

[Anonymous]

I have a great idea, OP. Never let anyone stay in your house when you're not there. Not your 17-yr old son. Not your 21 yr old son. Not your 40 yr old brother. Not your 80 yr old mother. Because you never know: ANY ONE OF THESE PEOPLE COULD INVITE SOME FRIENDS OVER TO DO DRUGS AND HAVE A WILD ORGY while you're out! You can't be too careful. Better still, never leave home. And don't have kids.