For those that ignore eye-rolls and sass

[Anonymous]

I often see the advice to ignore teens when they are eye-rolling or talking back because this is just them asserting their independence or practicing breaking away.
Mine are still young and just entering the eye-roll stage. My question is, how do you know when to ignore and when to say it's unacceptable.
I want to be compassionate to what they're going through but don't want to someone who thinks it's ok to be a jerk, or a know-it-all.

[Anonymous]

Mom of teens and also a 6th grade teacher here:

You need to have clear lines about what is not acceptable and that list needs to be short. Otherwise you end up in countless power struggles. So what’s on that list that gets checked immediately:

Talking back in a mocking voice
Any name calling or cursing

Rolling eyes? Fighting that would be a waste of energy. I don’t argue with children, so talking back would be met with silence. As soon as it escalated to a mocking voice or name calling, then it would be met with swift consequences. Sometimes phones cause teens to act stupid and need to be removed.

Honestly, I haven’t had to deal with this much with my kids. I remember my son (18) trying this in middle school. But it was shut down immediately.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t happen too often but I used to stop the conversation and walk away when my teen was talking back and say I’ll give you a bit to compose yourself and we’ll talk later. Mostly for my sake because otherwise it would escalate unproductively. Eye rolls I’d just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often see the advice to ignore teens when they are eye-rolling or talking back because this is just them asserting their independence or practicing breaking away.
Mine are still young and just entering the eye-roll stage. My question is, how do you know when to ignore and when to say it's unacceptable.
I want to be compassionate to what they're going through but don't want to someone who thinks it's ok to be a jerk, or a know-it-all.

You can stop the eye rolling now. “Larlo, I just watched you roll your eyes. That’s disrespectful. You don’t have to like what I’m saying, but you do have to be respectful. You’re welcome to roll your eyes all you want in your room or the bathroom. But in this family, it’s never going to be okay to do it in response to someone in the same space.”

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. This all makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often see the advice to ignore teens when they are eye-rolling or talking back because this is just them asserting th eir independence or practicing breaking away.
Mine are still young and just entering the eye-roll stage. My question is, how do you know when to ignore and when to say it's unacceptable.
I want to be compassionate to what they're going through but don't want to someone who thinks it's ok to be a jerk, or a know-it-all.

You can stop the eye rolling now. “Larlo, I just watched you roll your eyes. That’s disrespectful. You don’t have to like what I’m saying, but you do have to be respectful. You’re welcome to roll your eyes all you want in your room or the bathroom. But in this family, it’s never going to be okay to do it in response to someone in the same space.”

[Anonymous]

I highly recommend the book "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often see the advice to ignore teens when they are eye-rolling or talking back because this is just them asserting their independence or practicing breaking away.
Mine are still young and just entering the eye-roll stage. My question is, how do you know when to ignore and when to say it's unacceptable.
I want to be compassionate to what they're going through but don't want to someone who thinks it's ok to be a jerk, or a know-it-all.

You can stop the eye rolling now. “Larlo, I just watched you roll your eyes. That’s disrespectful. You don’t have to like what I’m saying, but you do have to be respectful. You’re welcome to roll your eyes all you want in your room or the bathroom. But in this family, it’s never going to be okay to do it in response to someone in the same space.”

Far too many words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often see the advice to ignore teens when they are eye-rolling or talking back because this is just them asserting their independence or practicing breaking away.
Mine are still young and just entering the eye-roll stage. My question is, how do you know when to ignore and when to say it's unacceptable.
I want to be compassionate to what they're going through but don't want to someone who thinks it's ok to be a jerk, or a know-it-all.

You can stop the eye rolling now. “Larlo, I just watched you roll your eyes. That’s disrespectful. You don’t have to like what I’m saying, but you do have to be respectful. You’re welcome to roll your eyes all you want in your room or the bathroom. But in this family, it’s never going to be okay to do it in response to someone in the same space.”

Far too many words.

The first time is fine. But after that, no.

[Anonymous]

I ignore eye rolls, door slams and other slights in person from my teens.

I already know that my kids are basically good people, responsible and don't treat their friends poorly. I get good "reviews" from other parents and friends that my kids are polite, nice and well respected.

But they are also teens and they get frustrated and I don't want them to always be in a fight with me at home- am trying to make the house a sanctuary for them to decompress etc. So I usually don't comment.

I do, as some PPs have said, put myself in time out - my younger one is a bit more explosive and when I have had enough, I said I need a break, I'll be back in 10 minutes or whatever. And that time out usually calms him down - he often apologizes.

I am proud of my kids - they work hard at school and their activities, they have goals, friends, and call their cousins and grandparents. I'm not going to let silly eye rolls ruin our relationship.

[Anonymous]

I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

So what do you do if your child rolls their eyes? What would the consequence be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always ignore the eye rolls and the muttering under the breathe AS LONG AS THEY DO WHAT I'M TELLING THEM.

Me: Go clean your room
Kid mumbling as she walks off to clean her room: Why don't YOU go clean YOUR room?

I let that go. Because she's going to clean her room.

I pretty much do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eye rolls don’t fly in our house. They are up there with pointing a finger in someone’s face in terms of disrespect. Not acceptable at all.

So what do you do if your child rolls their eyes? What would the consequence be?

An hour in the eyeball clamps.